Fear of Cander. :<

[Kraggy]

Hello everyone, I am a 20 year old male and since the past few month's I have an overwhelming fear of me having cancer.

I've been to the Doctor quite a few times, about 7 times in the past 2 month's, and he keeps saying that I dont have anything, The only test they performed was a Blood Test, which turned out to be clear.

The main reason for my fears is Lymph Glands, Specifically one at my Collar bone, Left Side, it feels really...long..Asif there is a hard, thick worm under my skin. I can feel it on the right side to, but the left side is quite a bit thicker it seems...

Also I have been having stomach pains/cramps on daily basis, And my Feces are fairly dark.

Tomorrow I am going back to the doctor to ask for further investigation, but he'll probably say no like the last few times...

Is it really the fear that is taking a hold of me and making me see things worse then they really are? Or am I in dire trouble and should I keep asking for further investigation?

Is there anyone around that is in the same boat? or anyone with some good advice? I could really use it :<

Kind Regards..

kraggy.

[Kraggy]

Bleeh. Thought I'd go to bed a bit early so I could sleep for aslong as possible before my doctors appointment tomorrow...Woke up a few hours later and now I cant go back to sleep for some reason xP

[Kraggy]

Hrmsh, Luckely I am not afraid of anything like that. I would go crazy for sure by now. I'm impressed you manage to handle it all this time.

For the first time in the past week or so I just got a new fairly-heavy panic attack. Luckely I managed to calm myself down after about an hour...

What is it this time?...Breast Cancer...Thats right.

I'm a 20 year old male and I get a panic attack because I am afraid of having breast cancer.

I can allmost smack myself against the head for stuff like that, Really aggrovating...I read that on a VERY EXTREMELY rare occasion men can get breast cancer. About 1 in 150 people diagnosed by it are men, most of em pretty old to. Why? Lumps in my chest area under the nipples. Some bigger then the other, on both sides it all just feels hard and lumpy, When I take a bit of skin and its underlaying fat between my fingers, and I roll it between my fingers. Lumps Lumps and more Lumps...

(It seems that Lumps & underskin swellings are the main cause of my fears)

Its really tiresome...Guess I'll be making another doctors appointment this week to have it checked out, or else I'll never be able to calm down.(The doctor has not checked this "Lumpyness" out, So I cant repeat "Doctor said it was fine" in my head about it :P)

Kind Regards,

Kraggy

[sweety79]

With me it depends on what the doctors wants to do. I have a really bad phobia of needles so I will avoid them. If it is the normal listen to heart, lungs, ect... I am find. I still shake but I can live with that. If they want to run test again it depends on the test. I have tried going to a psychologist, but it really didn't help me, and if all possible I don't want to take any kind of drugs.

[Kraggy]

Not a problem at all,

People on the internet have helped me alot with my fears in the past weeks, and if I can help other people I will be glad to do so. And it feels good for me aswell to let out what I think.

I just went through another 1 hour or so of intense fear, because I started paying attention to my Glands in the groin area again...But after visiting this website once again, I slowly started to calm down again and am feeling quite a bit better right now!

If I were you I would go to the counselor, I am doing so aswell. and even though I was underwhelmed with my first appointment last friday, I will be going again on my next apointment, Monday the 27th. I have read some story's on this forum about people who got cured from their Anxiety's by doing so, So lets hope the same happens for us! ^^

Kind Regards,

Kraggy

[Happiness_2009]

Thank you Kraggy...it is nice to connect with someone who understands what I am going through. I know I am driving my husband crazy with this, so I try to put on a happy face all the time and stuff my feelings...this is too hard. My dr. is nice, but she wants me to start seeing a counsler since i can't get over this phobia. I just started taking 20 mg of Paxil yesterday, so we'll see if this helps at all. Take care.

[Kraggy]

Thats sad to hear, Sweety79

My biggest comefort comes from going to the doctors office and asking for his opinion...I cant even imagine how hard it must be if going to the doctor would be such a scary thing aswell.

May I ask how you usually handle such fears in case they pop up? And how long have you been living with them?

And yes, Google = Bad. When I google I make sure to do advanced search and make it ignore all sites with words like the scary C-Disease word in it :P

Kind Regards,

Kraggy.

[sweety79]

Hello everyone. I to suffer from health anxiety, but I also have a medical phobia which makes the anxiety so much worse. I not only worry about something being wrong with me, but I am terrified of medical test and doctors. I will go to the doctor, but it is an awful experience.

One of the worse things to do is google your symptoms. You will have every symptom of every disease. Our mind is powerful. But, I really can't talk because I ran to the internet everytime.

I hope everyone is doing well. Just thought I would share.

[Kraggy]

hehe its very anoying indeed, I read something on the internet which is really helping me though. Apperantly a "Normal" size for a Lymph node can be up to 1/2 inch. (+- 1 CM) The moment I read that alot of the fear went away, and I started to worry less about it. This is about 1.5 day ago now, and already it seems the symptoms are lessening, I'm also capable of stopping myself from feeling everywhere a bit easier. Now I got a new issue that scares me though, unfortionatly...I get pain high in my throat. (The exit of the nose area I think) when I swalling, Ofcourse this is instandly some scary disease to me. I refuse to go seeking on the net about it, because that would probably scare me even more. I am also going to the dentist this week to try and make an appoinment, Apperantly my Mouth is to small for all my teeth, which causes the uhh....Big teeth in the back (Forgot the word >.<) To have to little space to come out, or they come out in a wrong position. I think this the reason that one of my Lymph node on my jaw has swollen up, or well I hope it is. So I can stop worrying about it ^^

Anyways, Just stay strong and try to calm down. From what you are saying you have it even worse then me, Which I can understand is very scary. But I think that this fear is like somekind of a "Habit". Like sucking a thumb, If we manage to stop doing it for long enough the urge to do it gets smaller and smaller, and eventually it will go away.

That is just my "Theory"on it though, And It might very well be wrong. But im doing my best to give it a shot ^^

I guess the best thing we can do right now is learn to trust the doctor, although it is very hard...I myself have only gotten 1 test, And thats a blood test, If it were to me I'd have my every inch scanned and stuff every lymph node tested for disease and all the stuff, unfortionatly this is impossible, because people who have clear signs (According to the doctor) Should have priority, if everyone with fear would show up, waiting lines for tests would increase, and people who need it far more will be the ones to pay the price..

I just try to repeat it in my mind time and time again. "The doctor checked it its allright" When I spot something new I am allways going to the doctor though, to get reassured. I even had a conversation about this with him and he said "If you have any problems, you are allways welcome, Do not feel guilty about taking up time. You're "Disease" is just as important as the others, and if I can help you be reassuring you then I will do so"

A very kind doctor who I feel is really helpfull. I hope you feel the same about your doctor aswell. (In here, the netherlands. We usually see the same doctor, No idea if its the same where you live)

Anyways..Stay strong and dont break down. ^^

Kind Regards, and hope you feel better by reading this..

Kraggy.

[Happiness_2009]

I'm in the same boat. I go to sleep worrying and I wake up worrying about my health. I have another lymph node that I am freaking out about now....it's one on the left side of my neck. My dr. says not to worry, but I keep thinking the worst. I can't hardly get through my days anymore....I feel so alone. I feel like crying. I have had so many tests done, but I still think that something is wrong with me....I can't do this anymore...I need help.

[Kraggy]

Haha yeah that is true, He did not explain it to me like that, But I heard it on this forum from several people now. I'm pretty sure he checked it, since when I got the results he was mumbling stuff like "White Blood Cells fine blablabla" Unfortionatly I am still filled with fear, not as bad as when it first started, but the moment I get something in my head I just have to go get checked out by the doctor to relax, Or I need someone on a forum or whatever to explain me what is causing it and that it is probably harmless.
I try to do my best to avoid "Googling" to, since it allways seems to result in one or the other deadly disease. I am really happy I found this forum, since people actually give me advice that I feel like I can work with, and I am very thankfull for it, But unfortionatly the fear allways seems to return.

As for the Lymph node in your clavice, it feels like its HUUUGE to me, but apperantly the thing I feel is mainly a tendom..But I feel it on the right side aswell, and there it feels alot thinner...Making me think it is not a Tendon after all, even though the good doc told me it was...

Its truly driving me crazy, especially at night...since I just cant sleep because I keep worrying, and I allways end up reading this or another forum in order to calm down..

[Happiness_2009]

I just went through this exact same thing...my left clavicle (above collarbone) lymph node felt enlarged to me, and the right one is not as big. I have been to the dr. 20 times in the pst 5 months worried that I have lymphoma. I even went to an oncologist for a biopsy, but she said it was too small to biopsy, this not good enough for me, so I ended up in the ER...drastic measure I know...but the ER dr. told me to forget about lymphoma b/c he could tell I don't have by looking at my WBC. People with lymphoma have a low WBC or otherwise immuno-suppressed. Ask ur dr. if he checked this on you. I have felt better ever since I found this out.

[Kraggy]

Good evening everyone,

Here I am again!

Earlier today I went to the psychiatrist for the first time, And well..To be honest I was a bit underwhelmed, Since I was expecting it to be a bit more helpfull, but she said that it was just an in-take conversation so it wasn't supposed to help me all that much. ^^

The day went pretty much fine, went to the eye doctor. Said my eyes got worse over the past 2 years, From -1.5 both to -2.25 both, which scared me a bit but she said it was fairly normal for boys my age. She also said my eyes werent that dry, and that cheered me up a bit!.

Then, just an hour and a half ago or something, I noticed a wear swelling in my mouth, in the area under my tongue to the left and to the right. which made me panic again ofcourse, luckely I went to a dentists forum, and some nice people explained to me that it were probably my salivary gland's, which every person has apperantly. This felt really reassuring and has calmed me down quite a bit. Twas a long day, but I got through it okeyish.

Kind Regards,

Kraggy!

[Kraggy]

Good morning people,

Its currently 4 AM here, and I cant sleep.
I'm once again in a new fear...This time its a Tumor on my eye...
The reason? I was wearing lenses for the past year, in a very irresponceable way. I wore en during the night for weeks at the time, while I had to take em out at night. I never realised what it can do to your eyes. I decided to take em out today, and noticed I had red & dry eyes. Which I looked up..Turns out people who wear them at night have a 10 to 15 times increase of getting a tumor in the eye.

This morning I went to the doctor and he really helped me out, I felt good all day..and now this.. :<

Hope to get some replies.

Kind Regards,

Kraggy.

[Kraggy]

Good morning all,

I just got home from my doctors appointment, and we had a good conversation.
He took a look at the Lymph Gland that I was most worried about, and after his explanation I wanted to stamp my forehead with the word "Stupid".

Turns out that the "Big *** Lymph Gland" that I felt was actually a very small Lymph Gland, but it was located ontop of a Tendon, making me think that the size of the Lymph Gland was as big as a Tendon.

This friday I will have my first Conversation with a Therapist, I'll let you guys know how it works out.

Kind Regards,

Kraggy

[Kraggy]

Thank you, Both of you.

I've been to several forums seeking for aid about this, and this is one of the first where people actually seem to take notice to it. There is one more forum where I have posted my stories, And a kind person has been supporting me for the past 2 weeks. Which I am really thankfull for.

Anyhows, Yes, I have an appointment with a Therapist for this friday, but its fairly hard to wait untill then.

The problem is that I found to much info before the doctor warned me to stop "Googling", Such as what Lymph nodes are connected to what organs.

I'll admit, If I'd have to belive my fears, I would have atleast ten forms of cancer by now, From Skin to Breast. (And I'm a male!)

Once again, I would like to thank both of you, And I wish everyone a healthy life.

I'll most definetly keep posting here to keep people up to date, Also from experience I can say that its a huge relief to be able to tell your story somewhere, especially when people respond to it and support you.

I'm from europe and its past 5 AM already here, I'm going to try and get some sleep before my appointment and work.

Thank you

Kind Regards,

Kraggy

[cj29]

I agree.  Health anxiety can be a huge pain in the you know what.  You did the right thing by getting checked out by your doctor; now it is time to believe him/her.  Anxiety can manifest itself in certain ways, in my opinion.  Yours is your fear of cancer.  My original source of anxiety started with my heart, but if I thought I had something, then I had it.  You name it, I must have been suffering from it...it is a hard pattern of thinking to get out of sometimes.

Throughout all of this, have you had access to a therapist to talk this over?  In my opinion, the best thing you can do to get over this is accept it and confront it.  Once you do, the knowledge you gain is pretty powerful when dealing with this...keep us posted!

[cnote]

This is called health anxiety. I do the same thing too. I'm going through an anxiety spell right now... also some depression... all b/c of a skin cancer scare.... I thought I had skin cancer... just b/c of a little blemish.... the Dr. said it was not cancer... but now I'm still stuck with my anxiety.... it *****...

The dark stool usually either represents a nervous stomach.... our stools change color all the time... I used to examine my stool everytime I went when I was having anxiety... and I would worry myself b/c sometimes it would look redish... some gray... and some days dark dark....

But you gotta remember... you are having anxiety...  and when you have anxiety you pay EXTRA attention to your body.... you find new things that youve never felt before...

Last year I went to the Dr. and had anxiety b/c I had a lymphnode on my left side in my neck feel sore... and it felt kinda big.... I thought I had cancer...

He felt around... said it felt okay... he did a blood test... and thats all... he said my blood work was good...

I asked him "you expect me to believe I dont have cancer b/c of blood work?!"

He replied "Yes, I'm a doctor.... your white blood cell count would be up if you had cancer."

He was totally right! =)

You need to just relax... you have been to the doctor 7 times in the past 2 months!

That's letting the anxiety take control of you...

Do you mess with your lymphnode a lot now? Do you touch it? Play with it all the time?

I did that with mine... and it made it sore! So leave it alone for a while and I bet it gets to feeling better...

Good luck, and welcome to the forum!

PM me anytime if you need to talk! =)