Fear of HIV exposure

[bubbalovesyou2much]

I work in HIV research, but at the same time, I have an extreme HIV phobia.  I work mostly with HIV infected cells and tissues, and I always wear proper protection such as face shields, gowns, and gloves.  However, sometimes I feel like I was exposed to the virus.  I'll feel something got into my eye, or feel something wet around my eyes.  Whenever I get a sore throat and slight muscle ache, I start to panic.  My question is, can my severe fear of HIV cause me to imagine or hallucinate something that's not there?  Can fear, regardless of what it is we fear, cause us to feel or see the things that we fear the most?  

[nursegirl6572]

I agree with lydia 100%.  I find it very curious that you have the job you do with the severe phobia of HIV (which, btw, is a very real affliction that many people suffer from...the phobia that is).

Which started 1st?  The phobia?  Or your job?  Did you start to fear HIV AFTER getting into your profession, or was the fear there prior?

I think that therapy is definitely in order...even if you would decide to pursure another profession....as these types of phobias, if they are severe enough, do not generally go away on their own without professional help.  I think it would be fabulous if you could ocvercome the phobia and continue doing the wonderful (and very important) work that you're doing...but that may be unrealistic.  If that is the case, it simply makes no sense to continue working where you are going to consistently be dealing with anxiety and fear and irrational thoughts (like something getting in your eye when you know you're protected).

Whether or not it is possible for you to overcome this and continue your career would be best discussed with a professional....find a therapist and start exploring the origin of your phobia, ways to cope...and future goals.  It may become necessary to start exploring other job options.  Only after you've worked with a therapist would you (and him/her) be able to come to that decision.

Best of luck to you!

[RubyWitch]

I first have to ask why someone with an "extreme HIV phobia" would work in a lab such as you do. I have an extreme fear of snakes and they couldn't pay me enough to work around the things.
I also can't understand how someone in your position in not one of the most highly qualifed people to know how difficult it is to actually contrract HIV.
You say that you always wear the correct protective gear while working with these specimens. Gown, gloves and face sheild, yet you often feel something "got into my eye or something wet around my eye." I work in a hospital and with some of our patients, this same gear is necessary. The masks make you sweat, as I'm sure I needn't tell you. Is it possible that this "wetness" you are feeling isn't simply sweat? It would be nearly impossible for anything to get into your eyes while wearing a full face shield with the exception of you reaching under your mask with contaminated gloves and touching your eyes. I am sure you are too smart to do that.
Your extreme fear COULD cause you to imagine something is there when it's not. Could it cause you to hallucinate that something was there? My first thought is "absolutely not." But I won't pretend to know or understand what EXTREME fear and anxiety could cause us to experience. When I told you about MY extreme fear of snakes, did I make it clear just HOW extreme my fear is? That fear has made me horribly anxious at times, such as being in rattlesnake country, but it has never made me hallucinate a snake that wasn't acutally there.
Would it be possible for you to transfer to a different job that does not require you to actually handle the specimens? Is it possible to get some retraining in your job that would include more extensive HIV education?
If neither of those are possibilities, I would suggest you find a therapist who can help you understand and get past this fear.
It sounds like you are doing very important research and it would be a shame to allow this phobia to drive you out of your work.
I hope you will reach out for the help you need.
Peace
Greenlydia  
I  

[cj29]

I would have to agree.  Anxiety can cause us to focus in on what we fear most, in my experience.  My original bout with health anxiety came from concerns over heart health, so naturally I felt every little skipped beat, pain, twinge, etc; you name it, I felt it.  Was anything wrong other than anxiety?  No, so your fear is common in my opinion.  Fortunately, HIV is extremely hard to contract anyway, and you are using proper protocol when working with the virus.  My wife used to work in a laboratory and worked with it on a daily basis and she is still healthy as an ox!

Have you had anxiety in the past?  If so, have you ever confronted it and tried to understand it?  With me, accepting and confronting it did wonders for helping me get through it...keep us posted!

[livingwithfear75]

Yes! I have had years of imagined illnesses. I was obsessed with HIV for years. The mind is more powerful than the body. As anyone in this forum knows xxx