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Heightened Anxiety and Thinking Disorder
Hello guys, this is not the first time I am posting something here but whatever I am about to type is due to extreme anxieties about a risky behaviour. I have received advice from some of the forum regulars on my hiv risks but the kind of anxieties I am going through gives me suicidal thoughts. It was all down to two sexual encounters. I usually catch myself asking so many questions and reading so many forums online. I have become very sensitive to things that happen to my body (hiv symptom related). I practiced safe sex without condom slipping with a sex worker. Since then I feel I will be the first person to get hiv with a condom. The questions I ask myself are usually insane to me. Sometimes I laugh them off but it gets serious when something minor happens to any part of my body. Coughing...Feeling hot without shivering after I walk back from school inside this cold weather,slight diarrhea, slight headaches....I sometimes catch myself doing self diagnosis like feeling the skin of my forehead to determine a fever (something which varies a lot). I seem to be going crazy. I am finding it difficult to move on with my life. I can't concentrate in class and my grades are declining. I am always with the thought that hiv infected fluids can find it's way through the base of the condom swim beneath it and make it's way to my urethra simply because of a whitish fluid I saw after removing a condom on one of my encounters. I wish someone could read this lenghty piece of typing and help me get rid of some of the anxiety. I am in Eastern Europe and English language is not really common in most of the hospitals around me. Health care is very poor here so I believe a little piece of advice can help me clear a lot of my anxieties. Thanks
Sorry for my late reply. You know sometimes, in a situation like mine, people just like me really need the advice and assurance of others. Anxieties are generated out of irrational fear. Just imagine if there was no one to share my problem with. I'd be stuck in my own trap and probably commit suicide just like other people do. Me, just like other worry wells who come around here searching for information do so because of the fear of "window period" ...you can't test at this time so you begin prodding and poking your joints, checking your temperature and doing all sorts of things to see if at least you can find an evidence. It could be the worst moment of your life. I know that idea of self diagnosis is insane but when anxiety strikes, there is no escaping. It gets so hard to accept the truth and move on hence people doubting their negative test results and and asking them again here. So it's more like a moment of " I need people to sit me down and advice me" and that should be in a confidential manner. So it's not always our fault but the fear of having to live with hiv for the rest of my life and the kind of stigmatizations I will go through. Now, by the help of birdie0907, you, and some other good forum regulars, I have gained a great deal of confidence and I don't worry about it as much as I did before. Keep doing good . it's always worth it.
The million dollar question is, what have you done to address the anxiety? Have you been assessed by a mental health professional? If not, you need to. You exhibit all the classic signs of an anxiety disorder (like OCD).
As I'm sure you've noticed, our HIV forum (and those on other sites) are just littered with posts from worried wells like yourself. I'd say that the actual percentage of people asking realistic, sincere assessment questions is VERY low, probably 10% or less. The rest are people like yourself, who have become obsessed with the idea of HIV, for whatever reason. The people repeat themselves over and over, to the point of getting banned, so they start new usernames. They become obsessed with the seeking of reassurance at that point. It's a common problem.
Some times, it's fueled by guilt and regret over a sexual encounter, maybe one that involves infidelity. Others just become fearful based on the type of HIV education that most of us have been exposed to....fear mongering basically.
As more was understood about HIV, the education improved somewhat to not be so alarmist in its approach. SO many people have SO many misconceptions about HIV (again due to the educational history), and MOST people have very overinflated views about HIV risks.
Remember, fear is not fact. You're getting stuck on the fear, the what ifs. You need to seek some help, to learn how to start managing the anxiety, and learn how to start dismissing the what if thoughts rather than feed into them. Searching the internet and reading HIV forums is the last thing you should be doing. That's like throwing gasoline on the fire when it comes to anxiety.
Get yourself some help. That's the kindest thing you could do for yourself...and remember the facts when it comes to HIV. It's REALLY as simple as this:
As long as you never have unprotected vaginal or anal sex, or share IV drugs, you'll never have an HIV concern. The reality is, the people getting infected with HIV are people engaging in repetitive, very high risk behaviors.
As I'm sure you've noticed, our HIV forum (and those on other sites) are just littered with posts from worried wells like yourself. I'd say that the actual percentage of people asking realistic, sincere assessment questions is VERY low, probably 10% or less. The rest are people like yourself, who have become obsessed with the idea of HIV, for whatever reason. The people repeat themselves over and over, to the point of getting banned, so they start new usernames. They become obsessed with the seeking of reassurance at that point. It's a common problem.
Some times, it's fueled by guilt and regret over a sexual encounter, maybe one that involves infidelity. Others just become fearful based on the type of HIV education that most of us have been exposed to....fear mongering basically.
As more was understood about HIV, the education improved somewhat to not be so alarmist in its approach. SO many people have SO many misconceptions about HIV (again due to the educational history), and MOST people have very overinflated views about HIV risks.
Remember, fear is not fact. You're getting stuck on the fear, the what ifs. You need to seek some help, to learn how to start managing the anxiety, and learn how to start dismissing the what if thoughts rather than feed into them. Searching the internet and reading HIV forums is the last thing you should be doing. That's like throwing gasoline on the fire when it comes to anxiety.
Get yourself some help. That's the kindest thing you could do for yourself...and remember the facts when it comes to HIV. It's REALLY as simple as this:
As long as you never have unprotected vaginal or anal sex, or share IV drugs, you'll never have an HIV concern. The reality is, the people getting infected with HIV are people engaging in repetitive, very high risk behaviors.
Thanks mate. I know a lot of people have a similar problem and reading mine will ease them a great deal of anxieties
I think it's because of guilt.You seem to know my situation inside and out. Have you ever been in a situation like mine before?
•Trying to seek help over here is helping me gain confidence....
•Trying to seek help over here is helping me gain confidence....
Confiding in a loved one is not something I would do. They might not like to hear what you did. It is just another delaying tactic you are coming up with to avoid the issue which I list once again at the bottom of this post. All confiding will do is what you get from googling and chat rooms, a chance to continue talking incessantly about your fear without ever listening. This tactic just makes you more fearful whenever you finish talking because you haven't picked up any new info - because there is no new info to pick up.
You still haven't looked at yourself in the mirror and answered my question below. So why do you think you have caught something in a way no OTHER human in history has caught it?
You still haven't looked at yourself in the mirror and answered my question below. So why do you think you have caught something in a way no OTHER human in history has caught it?
It's really weird because of how sensitive I have become. I easily notice every single thing that happens to any part of my body and start linking them to hiv....It's very serious but I will try to confine in a loved one to help me overcome this.....
I know what you're going through, I have health anxiety and was hung up on hiv at one point a few years ago, convinced I had it. My situation that led to this was riskier than yours was, but still statistically unlikely. I turned out to be fine, finally got a test along with a physical after worrying for two years.
Also keep in mind that it's much harder for women to transmit it to men than the other way around.
My recommendation is to confide in someone you trust and ask them to be there for your while you get tested (I hope there is someone you trust?). You can go to a clinic or get an at-home test. You can have the person there with you or just text, facebook chat or whatever with them. Hopefully you can get a rapid test (not sure if there are at-home rapid test kits) so you don't have to wait weeks for the results.
I know this sounds scary but seriously, you've gotta do it. It would suck if you wasted all this time so panicked about something that wasn't even real (which is most likely what's happening). And if by some crazy chance you were positive, it's obviously better to know and treat earlier rather than later. Also, hiv isn't a death sentence like it was in the 80s and 90s. Once you get tested, you'll have peace of mind and will be so glad that you didn't spend one more day obsessing over this. Good luck...
Also keep in mind that it's much harder for women to transmit it to men than the other way around.
My recommendation is to confide in someone you trust and ask them to be there for your while you get tested (I hope there is someone you trust?). You can go to a clinic or get an at-home test. You can have the person there with you or just text, facebook chat or whatever with them. Hopefully you can get a rapid test (not sure if there are at-home rapid test kits) so you don't have to wait weeks for the results.
I know this sounds scary but seriously, you've gotta do it. It would suck if you wasted all this time so panicked about something that wasn't even real (which is most likely what's happening). And if by some crazy chance you were positive, it's obviously better to know and treat earlier rather than later. Also, hiv isn't a death sentence like it was in the 80s and 90s. Once you get tested, you'll have peace of mind and will be so glad that you didn't spend one more day obsessing over this. Good luck...
Reread what you just wrote. You know the facts, so it is up to you to accept them, not blame it on ignorance.
I feel it might be due to ignorance or I might be such a coward. It's more like my mind playing tricks on me with a lot of "what if's" that is my biggest problem now and it's blazing hot.....
No, you need to reread your post and you can see this is your focus. "Since then I feel I will be the first person to get hiv with a condom."
You forgot to answer my question so I will reword it. My question to you is that since the science has been settled decades ago that what you think happened is impossible,
So why do you think you have caught something in a way no OTHER human in history has caught it?
You forgot to answer my question so I will reword it. My question to you is that since the science has been settled decades ago that what you think happened is impossible,
So why do you think you have caught something in a way no OTHER human in history has caught it?
It's more like guilt. Not really looking for answers but an advice on ways I can really move on with my life. It freaks me out.
"I usually catch myself asking so many questions and reading so many forums online."
You have also done lots of posting in the HIV section of Medhelp with a doctor for a while now, so it is not useful for you to come onto the anxiety forum expecting better advice about the same question - question being whether you have caught something in a way no human in history has caught it - think carefully about the chances of that happening for a little while before you start googling.
Until you get some kind of therapy so you can believe the medical doctor, you will not find peace - posting on a bunch of forums and googling will not provide any answers better than doc gave you.
You have also done lots of posting in the HIV section of Medhelp with a doctor for a while now, so it is not useful for you to come onto the anxiety forum expecting better advice about the same question - question being whether you have caught something in a way no human in history has caught it - think carefully about the chances of that happening for a little while before you start googling.
Until you get some kind of therapy so you can believe the medical doctor, you will not find peace - posting on a bunch of forums and googling will not provide any answers better than doc gave you.
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