Ignorance which hurts your child and the overwhelming guilt afterwards.

[Ineed_YOURhelp]

Hello everyone.

My son had very minor baby bottle rot on one tooth.  We took him into the dentist and sought care from PROFESSIONALS.  We trusted those that society has repeated told us are intelligent and have the best interest in mind.  They recommended we put caps BUT he must be put under.  They sent him to a children's hospital to perform the operation.  Halfway through it they run out to tell us he should have a frenectomy done.  It would help the gap in his teeth, they said.  We said, "Yes" because after all, they're the experts.

The original dentists office performed a plethora of things on my teeth and wife as well.  It was amazing how much they kept in contact and followed up with us AND suggested new things to be done to us.  It was there that I noticed that they were just salesmen in overcoats.  Especially since we had perfect teeth, brushed at least twice daily, and flossed.

The point is, though, that my son lost is eye contact after this.  He lost his speech.  He changed.  Though undiagnosed, I know he's autistic.  Before the operation he had AMAZING receptive language.  He would bring me things I asked for and even began potty training as early as a year and a half.  But all of it was lost after the procedure.

I am so overwhelmed with guilt.  I blame myself for not knowing better.  But no one talks about these things, ya know?  Unnecessary procedures.  My son is autistic... because of a tooth... THAT WAS GONNA FALL OFF ANYWAY!  

The stress is so much.  I can't take this!  We all make mistakes... but this one was too costly.  I'd give my soul to turn back time.  Perhaps folks reading this will learn from it.  What's worse is... after it all I did some research, and it seems that Pedriatics(the magazine) explained how exposing a child to anesthesia is harmful to brain development... with a 73% suffering in problem solving and developmental delays and behavioral issues.

Someone help me.  My stress is too much.  My guilt constantly replenishes the fires of stress, and I feel actual pain in my head/brain.  Immense torture I cannot put into words.

[Paxiled]

Guilt is only useful once you've learned what it has to teach.  That's done.  Holding on to the guilt will just impede your life going forward.  Guilt is the difference between being a sociopath and being a feeling human being, but when you hold onto it, as with anything else you hold onto that you don't need, it becomes harmful.  And in your case, you shouldn't have any guilt -- dentists today, especially younger ones, are getting more and more aggressive in order to make money.  They do things dentists don't do enough to get really good at and should be sending you to specialists to do, such as implants, and therefore don't know how to handle things when they go wrong.  We're all victims of this and most of us will never know it.  I've been the victim of it.  But your job now is to take care of your child, not dwell on the past.  You know that.  If you need help getting there, talking to a psychologist for a short time will probably help you.  Peace.

[AnxiousNoMore]

You trusted professionals so are not to blame. Your son is undiagnosed, so that needs to be addressed before you decide how to deal with this going forward.