Severe Anxiety...HELP!!

[StuckSarah]

I am 30 years old and have been suffering from debilitating anxiety since 2007. I was taking Klonopin and Celexa to help. Within the past month, I have stopped using both meds completely. Even though I felt that they worked for a while, I also think that I have been on them for way too long and my body was used to them. Therefore, they weren't having the same effects on me anymore. Also, I don't want to live the rest of my life being tied to these heavy drugs.

My first severe anxiety attack happened in 2007 when I was driving home from work. My commute was about an hour long. About halfway into the drive, I suddenly felt extreme panic. I managed to pull over in a store parking lot and was then thrown into a severe panic attack. I called my friend to see if she could come and pick me up, as I knew I was unable to drive from there. She couldn't get me, but another friend was able to. I then waited about 2 hours for her to come get me, the entire time suffering by myself, sitting in my car in the parking lot. I felt nauseous, dizzy, light-headed, my heart was racing. I was freezing and my entire body was convulsing. I was crying uncontrollably. I thought I was going to lose my bowels, too. Basically, I was not in control of my body. I was on the phone the entire time with my friend, but I could hardly talk. She said I was unresponsive. I believe that I was in a state of shock. I was extremely close to calling an ambulance because I just didn't know what to do anymore. But then my friend finally showed up, she brought me home. I still suffered for the entire next day with an anxiety attack and couldn't do more than lay on the couch.

After that incident, I was unable to drive for several months. One of my coworkers was able to bring to me and from work for that period of time, but it was still even difficult for me to even be in a car. After being on meds, going to therapy and eventually getting myself back in the drivers seat, I was starting to somewhat feel a little more comfortable with driving again. However, I had missed so much work and just couldn't make it up, so I ended up losing my job. I then lost my apartment because I couldn't pay the rent and had to move back in with my parents. Big blow to me. I ended up living with them for about 1-1/2 years. During that time, I got stronger than I was and got another job. Eventually, I moved back out on my own. That was almost a year ago.

Now, I am jobless again because of my severe anxiety while driving. I was having an extremely hard time being able to get to work, that I lost my job...again. I have now been unemployed since the end of April. I am on unemployment and live with my wonderful, understanding boyfriend. So between the 2 of us, I am able to keep my apartment and not have to move back home (which I was told I couldn't do anymore). However, I do spend the majority of my time at home. My anxiety level has drastically increased lately. I find it extremely hard to drive anywhere, especially if there is a lot of traffic, multiple lanes, bridges and especially at red lights. I even have a hard time being a passenger in the car.

So, now that I am completely of Klonopin and Celexa, I have been researching ways to deal with my severe, debilitating anxiety. I haven't really tried anything yet, because I just get so completely frustrated I can't even deal with it. My boyfriend suggested I get in my car and drive to the first light I reach and then turn around and come back home. Then keep stepping it up and over time, drive farther and farther. That way, I don't let the anxiety take further control over me to the point where I can't even look at a car without freaking out. It seems that I am right on the verge of it getting to that point. I can never go anywhere. I miss out on so many things in life because of my severe anxiety. I am so sick of it, too. I want to do something about it, but I just don't know what will work for me. I've tried breathing exercises, playing with the radio, singing, turning on the AC full blast, thinking of other things, sucking on mints, inhaling vapo-rub, talking to myself, smiling to myself, etc. It just seems that my anxiety is there no matter what and just keeps getting worse every time I try to do something. I don't want to live every day stuck inside my apartment. I can't go anywhere and it's awful. I am at the end of my rope and just don't know what to do anymore.

If anyone can offer any suggestions, please let me know. I am willing to try pretty much anything.

Thanks for reading my long post, too. :)

[naturalone69]

Hi,

I have anxiety myself. I was very sick a few years ago and went through break down after breakdown after breakdown between 2000-2008. I am on paroxatine 10mg and should be on 20 mg but find myself feeling quite well. I do get some nerbousness but able to deal with it quite well. Meds are fine but a combo of meds and therapy is essential.

You are so very lucky for your boyfriend!! I wish I had such a close friend in my life I could talk to. I find myself partly afraid on talking as i wonder what to say and afraid i wont seem interesting. for most my life i did not talk much. i llet others talk mostlly.

Even my mother would not help. i asked for counselling as we had major issues but she figured it would not help. She had her own issues and was affraid of them. it was easier to blame them on everyone else.

I knwo she tried helping me and making things easier, but she would quite often say to my grandma, " it's like a husband and wife, the husband works hard and comes home and he should not have to worry about a lot of things to do" so my mom would do things like clean the dishes and my room and take care of my stuff for me.

She made me promise as a small child when i got married that i would allow her to live with my wife and myself. Now in all honesty shes had heart and stroke problems.. She even said when I wanted to be a dentist she would be my secretary. I was just a child and already had quite a load. the issue around like being a wife and husband was around 20-21 years old. This all made me very uneasy. I think my mother has mental health issues as well. God help me if it is hereditory?

[StuckSarah]

Thanks for your response! I like what you said about not giving up and to stick with it and do a little bit every day. My boyfriend keeps telling me to do the same thing. He thinks that I should go out about every 1/2 hour and drive to a certain point, turn around and drive home. And to just do that over and over and over again, until I get so bored with that ride I can add on more to the trip. That way, I can be so used to the same route and know that I am going to be okay and nothing is going to happen to me.

I just started that today and just came back from my first trip out. It went well. I had a little anxiety, and felt as if my throat was closing up on me. That happens a lot when I have anxiety problems. So, I took your advice and pictured that every other driver on the road was "me". It sort of helped. It's hard for me to think of it that way because I know that they aren't me. I can get pretty anal that way. Lol. Also, I had to pay attention to my breathing because whenever I get anxious (and right before it) I always hold my breathe without even realizing it. But then when I focus on my breathing, I think that I'm not doing it right and I'll make myself hyperventilate or something. I was also trying to relax my body and make sure I wasn't gripping the steering wheel too hard and that my entire body felt relaxed. I had music on, and even found myself singing to some songs instead of completely tuning out the music.

I definitely want to check out those books that you mentioned. I've been looking for a good read, too. I'm very excited about that!!

I definitely have other anxieties aside from driving or being in the car. I have a very hard time going into stores. I freak out and have severe anxiety just like I do in the car. It takes a lot out of me to get myself to be able to go in a store. I have gotten somewhat better over the years, but there are still days when I just can't go at all. It makes things very difficult, especially when there is something that you really need. Not only can I not drive to the store, but then I can't even go in the store!

I also have high anxiety about going to restaurants. I can't even remember the last time I went out to eat. I absolutely refuse any time I am invited out. Even on family functions when my entire family goes out to eat, I don't go. I don't like people watching me eat (even though I know they aren't). I don't like smelling food. I don't like hearing or seeing other people eat. I don't like being waited on. I don't like smelling like food after I've eaten. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to eat and can eat just fine at home. I just can't go out to a restaurant because the focus is on food. That's why grocery shopping is very hard for me to do sometimes. If I let my thoughts go, I can get so grossed out by what I think about regarding certain foods. It makes me want to throw up. And then I think "what if I really do throw up?" It's a vicious battle.

I am also severely claustrophobic. That's why sitting at red lights and crossing bridges are the hardest things for me to do in regards to driving. I feel like there is absolutely no escape. I can't get out of the position I am in once I get there. I really start to freak out being stuck at a red light when there are cars all around me and I have nowhere to go. I just can't handle it.

Well, I guess enough of my rambling. I have to prepare myself to go back out on the road again soon.

Thanks again for your encouragement. I hope to get to a better place sooner rather than later and it's people like you that will be able tohelp me because you know exactly what I am going through. :)

[Paxiled]

There's a type of therapy called CBT that can help you do what your boyfriend suggests, but with the guidance of a professional therapist.  Try it out.

[calmshell]

I can relate to that because I am like this in the instance of being a passenger..one day (7 yrs ago) my friend sped down a hill, and I felt out of control...it was a really frightening feeling, & then i always felt it afterwards ...

I now constantly practice w/my sis driving so i can feel normal (while she goes slow)...it def. has helped me a LOT...i only started this 2 yrs ago, and once/twice a week, she drives...and i KNOW i'm not out of control..it was my mind trying to go faster ,initially, wondering, (about the hill), "what 's happening?/what is she doing?"...it could be that b/c i do not drive that fast, i felt it was different , in that instance, down the hill, and that is when the anxiety had happened...but really, DEFINITELY try a LITTLE bit here and there..TRUST me..it will help u...you will begin, after a few times, to see, this is "easy peasy!" I can do this!! I always did , and CAN!!!  I read a book called Anxiety Free by Robert Leahy, and he says , when we give IMPORTANCE to that little negative feeling,  we focus on it; we have to make it become, and be, boring. I tried it, and over time, really, it did....i had to keep telling my sis, go slower please, and the first couple times, I DID NOT want her to drive, even though i knew i needed practice...i am soooo glad that i did anyway, and I cannot say i don't briefly, briefly, start to just a teensy get uptight , it has diminished a lot b/c i knew my MIND /ME was not moving...i had to get that through my "thick skull" as they say=)

I for a bit, couple years back, (i also have generalized anxiety) so thought, what if i do this when I drive? well, next few months, i was tense , like i literally was questioning myself "will i get nervous me driving?"...I have doubted myself in many areas of life, (and used to get MAJOR tense /tight chest at work, thinking did i do that right? is she pleased? yada yada!!!!!!!!! I am sure no one was thinking that of me!!! (like probably, was I pleased,or happy w/hhow someone did something?) ..its amazing how we think everyone is looking, caring, wondering about us, and they are ....not!!!! hahah!!! but I started to get tense for a few months driving, thinking, do i feel out of control? but i said to myself, since i really really cannot go right now w/others as a passenger ( i still actually have not gone w/friends in car..only my sis..and working on it lil bit more , but doing good!!)I want very much to be able to do this..I will end up staying in, etc..and what i did was everyday, still go the 15 mins to my job, with constant tenseness, sometimes a lot, and feel sooo tired after, b/c of the tenseness.. after about 6/7 months, i one day looked out , and thought, "hmmm...i have complete control, & i know that. I used to have FUN driving, and it simply gets me point a, to point b, that is it....i turned on one of my fav. songs, loud, and forced myself to not at alllllll, think..just have fun, say so the hell what, about anything, and almost pictured me as if i was just , like driving a tractor, or maybe a game where u sit at a wheel- like the car video games at bowling alleys....

I did become relaxed, knew I was in control, and just went 30mph for 15 mins..if someone was on my tail, i pulled over..oh well....and did this knowing (b/c i had started buying psychology books) that if i do it, and do it, and do it, I WILL think any little thought (never real, or truth, by the way!) is boring...& over a lil bit of time, one day i thought, "I used to get so worked up/fighting something, /tense/ tightness/ pains/ ..but when my mind is..CLEAR, i am fine..I think you will do just fine, let the lil fleeting thought/sensation be boring to u....I think if u go slow, 5 mins, then in few days, etc, 10, and keep doing 10 , then 10 back..u'll see the pattern that u can def. trust yourself (key!), and u are not moving, and u have full control on the gas, and wheel...AND maybe the panic had come from thinking somehow you were separate /different at that little point in time? orsomething somehow was "wrong" ..i think our neg. thinking is in subconscious, and can stem back to childhood ( i KNOW mine is) and can pop up, but when i don't give any importance anymore to thoughts (and they still, about random things, make me nervous, or that i'm wrong, etc..) , the do go away, and i know how my clear mind /happy mind feels, and i go to that right away , and that actually has helped me very much..

If u can, pick up Byron Katie's books.."I need your love- is that true?" ..her material has IMMENSELY helped me ...she tells that no one/or thing is separate..that is where fear is, at any time..thinking we are separate at ALL...which is not true..and that nothing in life is "bad", "wrong" etc...I HIGHLY recommend her material (or at thework.com...her material is there) it really, very much , has changed my perspective..things i used to get really nervous about, even a year ago, i do not..b/c its like i am looking in a mirror (she says this) when i look out at anyone else..and that "If I look out and see anything that is not love, this is what a lie feels like. Reality is always kinder than our "stories" about it, but only always." I love that..it is sooo true. The other day, (and i had never even started to think of this before..) i was in traffic , crammed on the highway..i had a twinge thought of, "hmm...am i trapped? am i getting out soon? etc.." I IMMEDIATELY thought of (i've read 4 of byron's books now , in past year, and reread her quotes every other week!!!!) , hmm..no one is different from me here!! wow!!!!!! they..are...me!!!!! i am them...i looked at "them" , as positive, and said, i'm fine, and i've got some cool tunes on, and also, i KNOW that if i need anything, i'll slowly just simply, make my way over to next exit, that is all, that is all i'lldo....when I viewed each car /person around as , simply ME!!! in it..it was like, ok, noo problemo (and as she puts it, and Eckhart Tolle, another great author, NOthing ever is- its that we THINK it is...) within 1 min. it left my mind, traffic dispersed in about 5 mins, and i stayed in right lane( i never go to left one..haha) for next maybe 10/15 mins, then was there at friend's....
.if u can get her books, they are GREAT!!! I hope this was not too much..geesh i always end up writing too much! Another thing she says , is fear is blind...so , it doesn't know that you are fully fine (ALWAYS, she adds..we are not ever , ever our stories, in life, we are whatever is BEFORE any story/content.=) ..so things end up not being so DIRE in life, like if we THINK (ego-  false /untruth) we HAVE to do something, we end up fearing, oh geesh I MUST do it, and i cannot...whereas if i do it, good, if i don't in this current moment, fine. It's like you can do it w/out what anything "should" look like (ego)..and then clearness  and calmness, become ur consciousness, and trust of ur self.. (another one of her quotes is,"I tell people, don't be so careful, you'll hurt yourself. ")

But do u ever have anxiety of other things..or just car? I know u'll be well on ur way to being & driving just fine, calmly, cool, and in lil increments...u will =) Message me anytime, (there is a feature on each person's profile page saying Send Message)and let us know on forum too how its going ..hope any of this helps..or that it was not too much ..argh! ttyl