Wanting To Give Up

[skye321]

I'm a 17 year old female and I have struggled with anxiety through most of my life without knowing what it was. Eventually it became so severe near the end of secondary school that I became really depressed and dropped out of school. I go to a specialised school atm for people with mental health problems but I'm leaving soon. While I've been at this school I've felt the happiest I've ever been in a long time, I still had anxiety but my depression seemed to have almost gone. But I feel as though I'm falling back down again and I keep having these really really low days. These past few days my anxiety has been really hard to deal with and I just don't feel like I can keep going. I don't want to spend my whole life like this and everything I try seems to only work for a day. I don't really have any support, my mum puts me down even more and I can't get a counsellor at the moment. My only options are meds right now. What do I do? I don't want to die but I don't want to carry on like this? Is there anything I can do at all?

[skye321]

I can't change psychiatrists, you're lucky to even have one here if you do.

[YardBull]

Is there another psychiatrist or social worker that you could talk to if one is all booked up?  Taking medication is not being weaker because sometimes we get a chemical imbalance that is beyond our control, and a medication can help get that in line.  Also, some meds take three or four weeks to really kick in, and one has to be consistent with them.  Be sure to talk to your psychiatrist's office if anything doesn't feel right about the meds.  

[skye321]

I tried opening up to my mum but she reacted badly for some reason and made me feel worse. I think I am more steady now and over that low. I do have teachers to talk to but not for long. I was prescribed an antidepressant but I tried to commit suicide twice while on it for a few weeks. I'm not taking any medications now but I went back to my psychiatrist and asked if I could have counselling again. He said that it's a really long wait so he jumped to medication instead and I think I'm going to try a different one and see if it helps. I just feel like taking medication is being weaker, but I honestly feel like this is last resort.

[A2328]

Your life is worth living. You are valuable. Do NOT give up!

[YardBull]

Write down those things that made you happy at the specialized school while you were there.  Think about anything on that list that you could continue outside of the school.  If your parent won't give you support, is there a teacher or counselor at the special school that you could contact for help?  You mention meds.  Were you prescribed anything in the past that worked for you?  Are you taking anything now?  If the meds aren't working, try to see your doctor for advice.