Aa
What I've learned...
I wanted to share with everyone what I've learned about this hell called anxiety. First off theres never going to be any miricale (sp?) cure. So were all going to have to learn to live with this horrible thing, but thats why there are forums like this and ppl that care like the people on here.
2nd, Everybodys syptoms are differnt yet equaly scarey.And no matter how many ppl tell them that it not going to kill them and scecure it makes them feel, in the back of there mind there is still a small about of doubt that the anxiety feeds off of. Which is another reason can't beat it.
3rd, You always need to a good support system, Its hard to feel like your going to have a heart attack,brain dead, or how every u feeling without someone who understands and is there to listen,
I have been blessed with the most wonderful understandin man in the whole world, Who also suffers from anxiety and contributes a great deal to this forum and making sure everybody feels the best they possibly can at the moment.. <3 I love you shawn....
Well thats just somethin I wanted to share, As i sit here and watch potty time with Elmo..lol..I was sittin here tryin to come up with explantations to why me and all this wonderful ppl would ahve to deal with this horrible thing, But u know that god only gives u what u can handle, so does that mean he thinks were pretty strong?
2nd, Everybodys syptoms are differnt yet equaly scarey.And no matter how many ppl tell them that it not going to kill them and scecure it makes them feel, in the back of there mind there is still a small about of doubt that the anxiety feeds off of. Which is another reason can't beat it.
3rd, You always need to a good support system, Its hard to feel like your going to have a heart attack,brain dead, or how every u feeling without someone who understands and is there to listen,
I have been blessed with the most wonderful understandin man in the whole world, Who also suffers from anxiety and contributes a great deal to this forum and making sure everybody feels the best they possibly can at the moment.. <3 I love you shawn....
Well thats just somethin I wanted to share, As i sit here and watch potty time with Elmo..lol..I was sittin here tryin to come up with explantations to why me and all this wonderful ppl would ahve to deal with this horrible thing, But u know that god only gives u what u can handle, so does that mean he thinks were pretty strong?
I hear you! It is not a fight. I like to think of it as not inviting it in my door. While I get that there may be core reasons that need to be dealt with, it is hard to go back and disect every event in your life that led here. I have many examples of neglect and abandonment but have sort of lumped it together and am learning to protect and comfort my inner child. I am liking the Cog therapy and think somehow that is my road to peace or at least less crisis. I am learning to center my focus on "what is" and that too is helpful, thank you and everyone for your stories and support, i hardly read the story posts but look for what help posts as the stories are so much the same.
My husband has been suffering from panic attacks and anxiety for the past couple of months (our nephew died nearly 3 months ago and I'm certain that this is what triggered it off). Its like he has become a different person overnight.
I love him with all my heart but I find it hard to be with him - sometimes I don't know what to do to make him feel better. Our nephew dying has made me feel depressed and I have also changed - I have become very lazy and I have put weight on.
We are both in a bad place at the moment and neither of us have the drive to do anything about it - it feels like we are helping each other but also not helping each other at the same time, if you get what I mean? We are helping each other because we understand each other and can talk about what we are going through, but we are not doing anything to make ourselves better.
I don't know what to do!
I love him with all my heart but I find it hard to be with him - sometimes I don't know what to do to make him feel better. Our nephew dying has made me feel depressed and I have also changed - I have become very lazy and I have put weight on.
We are both in a bad place at the moment and neither of us have the drive to do anything about it - it feels like we are helping each other but also not helping each other at the same time, if you get what I mean? We are helping each other because we understand each other and can talk about what we are going through, but we are not doing anything to make ourselves better.
I don't know what to do!
Yes the love of a child is a strong reason to be happy, but sadly me and shawn do not have any children together, He his 500 miles away from at this point but soon to be closer :)... But havein the little one around gives me a reason to get up in the mornin....
I just spent a lot of my hot air trying to get you to understand that you do NOT beat or put panic anywhere, and that efforts to do so may make the situation WORSE. Instead, spend your energy looking for what started it going in the first place. Figure THAT out, and the panic has no reason to exist anymore, cus there's no problem.
It is the difference between cleaning up a leak -and FINDING the leak.
Capice?
It is the difference between cleaning up a leak -and FINDING the leak.
Capice?
Well put JS, glad to hear you're 6-years free. With the right knowledge, discipline, and support I'm confident that 80% of GAD sufferers can beat the bugger or at least put it in a contained area.
Thanks MMomma and thanks to you Shawn for being the supportive other half. I guess it helps that you know first hand what your lady is dealing with. I see that you two have a little one and are relatively young parents. There is hope that your anxiety lessens with time. This may come with just knowledge about what is happening and what is triggering it. I have inherited mine via my mothers side of the family and have been dealing with it my whole life (although I didn't know what it was until I was 26 [I'm 42 now]).
Strangely, now that I know the enemy and what it is I kind of have personified it. It has nearly morphed into one of those pesky devils that you see on John Ballucci's shoulder in "Animal House." As you age you learn to look at it and flick it off of your shoulder. Sure, I know that's not true for everyone but your symptoms certainly have a good chance of significantly decreasing.
Children have actually helped me because I have to give so much attention to being a good parent that I don't have time for my mental ups and downs. It's hard to be freakin' out over something when a little one wants to know if you like Elmo or Grover better. Plus, kids can help center you as to what is important. Anxiety over money, love, lust, (fill in the blanks) is nothing compared to the unabashed and genuine love of a child.
Good luck to you two.
Strangely, now that I know the enemy and what it is I kind of have personified it. It has nearly morphed into one of those pesky devils that you see on John Ballucci's shoulder in "Animal House." As you age you learn to look at it and flick it off of your shoulder. Sure, I know that's not true for everyone but your symptoms certainly have a good chance of significantly decreasing.
Children have actually helped me because I have to give so much attention to being a good parent that I don't have time for my mental ups and downs. It's hard to be freakin' out over something when a little one wants to know if you like Elmo or Grover better. Plus, kids can help center you as to what is important. Anxiety over money, love, lust, (fill in the blanks) is nothing compared to the unabashed and genuine love of a child.
Good luck to you two.
In view of the fact that I have been free of anxiety and panic for 6+ years now -and free of even thinking about panic or anxiety, you might expect me to challenge your statement that you "can't beat it."
But I will not issue such a challenge because your statement is really quite correct. No one "beats" anxiety, in my opinion. I know I did not, and I never knew anyone who ever did. In fact, to the extent you try, it may even get worse. But that doesn't mean you;re stuck with it for life or a very long time, either. It doesn't mean you can't become free of panic and anxiety. Trying to "beat" it, control it, overcome it, defeat it -any such aggression is like putting gasoline on a fire to extinquish it. Yes, maybe for a split second there is a "smother" effect and then -whoompf!
Some other things you said are more to the point, I think. No "miracle cure." Exactly right. There is no "miracle cure." No cure of any sort, in fact, miracle or otherwise. Why not? Two reasons: first of all, there are virtually no medical cures for anything at all, anyway. Diseases have been controlled by killing a virus. But, that's not a cure -we simply killed the enemy. Some kinds of cancers are better controlled now than ever before, but any cure lies with the patient's ability -no "medicine" simply made it go away. But this argument is technical, rhetorical, "splitting hairs;" legalistic. The REAL reason there is no cure for PANIC -is that there is nothing "wrong," no disease. There is nothing to BE cured in the first place. How can that be? Victims certainly FEEL bad.
Yes, they do. And they feel badly, are alarmed, upset, nervous -and all the rest- just as they would be if they were tied to a tree and made to watch their children being tormented by worst imaginable bullies. What's the difference between that and panic? The difference is that you can SEE your kids, you can see what's happening. It is something outside of you, something you can point to, cause and effect. But anxiety and panic have no outside source, no external agent that obviously and cruelly torments the victim. And WHO is the victim? Not your kids, not someone else. YOU are. And who are the bullies, the tormentors? Those feelings that assault you, those god-awful, powerful feelings. The problem is that they, too, come from within YOU. And, like being tied to a tree -you can't do a damn thing about it.
That's what it feels like. So surely, then, something is wrong, surely there IS something to be cured -if we could only find the cure, right?
I say, "No." I say there is nothing wrong. Two reasons, again. The first reason is, again, technical. In fact, you are NOT having a heart attack. In fact, you are NOT dying. In fact, there is no bogeyman in the closet. All those symptoms, once tested and traced and studied are found to indicate nothing at all -physically. And so, there LITERALLY is nothing wrong. But again, the argument is technical, splitting hairs. Hell's fire, we wouldn't seek treatment for a heart attack, either, except that it hurts so much. And this is why high blood pressure goes untreated -you can't "feel" it. The second reason why there is nothing wrong is that there is something VERY, VERY right. Your brain, your mind are trying to tell you something needs your attention and is not and has not been getting it. And so, your heart, your breathing, your muscles, your tummy and almost anything else become the relay station, the telegraph that taps out a message asking for attention. Your brain is doing exactly what it is supposed to do. But somewhere along the line, the routine process of handling the challenges of life, which may be quite profound, has been set aside to get on with life itself. It is the job of self-examination, assisted often by therapy, to find out what needs attention. Drugs may muffle the telegraph tapping -but you still need to act.
Sometimes, the telegraph is keyed because of a currect, stressful situation that will pass, and with it, the anxiety, too, will go away. But for the veteran panic victim of long-standing, the psychological "in-box" is piled very high and needs attention.
Paying attention to yourself, digging down and identifying all the "missed calls" will gradually relieve the pressure. This process -often assisted with talk therapy and behavior modification therapies- has nothing whatsoever to do with fighting and beating panic. Rather, it has to do with changing the situation that causes it. It is the same as the choice to tear out a fire alarm -or put out the fire. And therefore, one does not "beat," or "defeat," or even "fight" panic. Rather, you pay attention to it and look for the reasons your brain is hammering that telegraph.
Support groups like this forum are essential. Yes, for many, you must now "live with" the symptoms. But also spend time thinking about why they are there, and appreciating your brain for doing its job. Based on all that I have seen here thus far, it appears to me that many are getting better and KNOW they are getting better. And I hold out to you that the improvement may be perfectly correlated with more self-understanding. What we do for each other in this place is stimulate, challenge and comfort
our fellow travelers so that each of us has good company and trusted companions whose collective power makes us so much more effective at taking good care of ourselves.
Thank you for your thoughts, MMomma.
But I will not issue such a challenge because your statement is really quite correct. No one "beats" anxiety, in my opinion. I know I did not, and I never knew anyone who ever did. In fact, to the extent you try, it may even get worse. But that doesn't mean you;re stuck with it for life or a very long time, either. It doesn't mean you can't become free of panic and anxiety. Trying to "beat" it, control it, overcome it, defeat it -any such aggression is like putting gasoline on a fire to extinquish it. Yes, maybe for a split second there is a "smother" effect and then -whoompf!
Some other things you said are more to the point, I think. No "miracle cure." Exactly right. There is no "miracle cure." No cure of any sort, in fact, miracle or otherwise. Why not? Two reasons: first of all, there are virtually no medical cures for anything at all, anyway. Diseases have been controlled by killing a virus. But, that's not a cure -we simply killed the enemy. Some kinds of cancers are better controlled now than ever before, but any cure lies with the patient's ability -no "medicine" simply made it go away. But this argument is technical, rhetorical, "splitting hairs;" legalistic. The REAL reason there is no cure for PANIC -is that there is nothing "wrong," no disease. There is nothing to BE cured in the first place. How can that be? Victims certainly FEEL bad.
Yes, they do. And they feel badly, are alarmed, upset, nervous -and all the rest- just as they would be if they were tied to a tree and made to watch their children being tormented by worst imaginable bullies. What's the difference between that and panic? The difference is that you can SEE your kids, you can see what's happening. It is something outside of you, something you can point to, cause and effect. But anxiety and panic have no outside source, no external agent that obviously and cruelly torments the victim. And WHO is the victim? Not your kids, not someone else. YOU are. And who are the bullies, the tormentors? Those feelings that assault you, those god-awful, powerful feelings. The problem is that they, too, come from within YOU. And, like being tied to a tree -you can't do a damn thing about it.
That's what it feels like. So surely, then, something is wrong, surely there IS something to be cured -if we could only find the cure, right?
I say, "No." I say there is nothing wrong. Two reasons, again. The first reason is, again, technical. In fact, you are NOT having a heart attack. In fact, you are NOT dying. In fact, there is no bogeyman in the closet. All those symptoms, once tested and traced and studied are found to indicate nothing at all -physically. And so, there LITERALLY is nothing wrong. But again, the argument is technical, splitting hairs. Hell's fire, we wouldn't seek treatment for a heart attack, either, except that it hurts so much. And this is why high blood pressure goes untreated -you can't "feel" it. The second reason why there is nothing wrong is that there is something VERY, VERY right. Your brain, your mind are trying to tell you something needs your attention and is not and has not been getting it. And so, your heart, your breathing, your muscles, your tummy and almost anything else become the relay station, the telegraph that taps out a message asking for attention. Your brain is doing exactly what it is supposed to do. But somewhere along the line, the routine process of handling the challenges of life, which may be quite profound, has been set aside to get on with life itself. It is the job of self-examination, assisted often by therapy, to find out what needs attention. Drugs may muffle the telegraph tapping -but you still need to act.
Sometimes, the telegraph is keyed because of a currect, stressful situation that will pass, and with it, the anxiety, too, will go away. But for the veteran panic victim of long-standing, the psychological "in-box" is piled very high and needs attention.
Paying attention to yourself, digging down and identifying all the "missed calls" will gradually relieve the pressure. This process -often assisted with talk therapy and behavior modification therapies- has nothing whatsoever to do with fighting and beating panic. Rather, it has to do with changing the situation that causes it. It is the same as the choice to tear out a fire alarm -or put out the fire. And therefore, one does not "beat," or "defeat," or even "fight" panic. Rather, you pay attention to it and look for the reasons your brain is hammering that telegraph.
Support groups like this forum are essential. Yes, for many, you must now "live with" the symptoms. But also spend time thinking about why they are there, and appreciating your brain for doing its job. Based on all that I have seen here thus far, it appears to me that many are getting better and KNOW they are getting better. And I hold out to you that the improvement may be perfectly correlated with more self-understanding. What we do for each other in this place is stimulate, challenge and comfort
our fellow travelers so that each of us has good company and trusted companions whose collective power makes us so much more effective at taking good care of ourselves.
Thank you for your thoughts, MMomma.
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