What is the problem

[rekkamies]

Hey, im a first timer here, and i'm seeking help with my issues. i'm 20 years old now, and i was mentally healthy all my life, till last summer. I was on a holiday with my friends, and about the time when i got back to where i live, this started. I really don't know whats wrong with me, but the symptoms i have are really weird and freaking me out. The symptom which appeared first, is when i'm with people, suddenly a thought of harming them somehow, for example hitting comes to my mind, out of nowhere. People don't notice this on me, i can keep on talking with them normally, but its really disturbing. It's not anything like i'd like to harm them, but the thought that is not mine really freaks me out. First i was afraid i'm going insane and will someday do the things my mind imagined, but i got rid of that fear, since im sure this is some kind of anxiety about people close to me getting harmed. Short after this one came the other symptoms. Always when i was falling asleep, i saw like strange and evil pictures in my head, and could hear someone talking. This some one was usually a voice of a person that i talked with the same day. It would say irrational and scary things.
The voice was in my head, i didn't think the person is in the room or anything. These things happened when i was in a very tired state, just falling asleep.The pictures in my mind still appear occasianolly, but the voices vanished for about a year. Then a couple of months a ago i was in a fever and was in a really sick and "feveric" state. Then i started hearing these voices again, and after ive heared them occasianally, mostly when falling asleep, but sometimes when awake, not as a voice but as a strange tought to disturb my own train of thoughts, little like the first symptom i described. My symptoms are generally around me going insane, harming someone, or evil thing generally. An other main symptom is hearing and reading stuff "differently". Really strange again, for example, when i was listening to a song in which they say "i got a feeling" for a second i heard, "when i'm killing" this happens often to me, mostly when the source of the voice is hard to hear, when i can hear only some of the lyrics, my mind fills them up. Sometimes this has happened when i heared the sentence clearly though, i just had to make it ouf of the concept what the word was. (For example in a movie i watched the other day was a sentence "the dice has been cast" I'm sure i heared it as "the die has been cast". This is a typical symptom for me. The thing with reading is when i quickly look at something, i really don't have time to read it yet, but my mind picks something out of it, like the word dead. Then i look at what it really says, "red wings win again". My mind freaks me out before i even properly read the sentence. All around in the past year i've become a little more trippy. For example when i again quickly look at something that has some kind of patterns, for example steam drops on a mirror, i see some kind of picture on it.
I'm not gonna bore u more, sorry about the long post, and all the missplelling in it, i hope u are able to help me out in this one, i don't know anything about whats going on with me, i haven't been to a shrink.
Few things maybe worth mentioning: The only person i talked about this with is my dad, he said he had same kind of symptons like the first one i described.
Now it propably doesn't seem like it in the post, but i'm really the same person i was a year before, nobody has noticed anything strange in my behaviour or so. I do all the things i do normally, the thoughts that i know that are mine are the same as before. I really wanna get rid of this annoying thing and feel sane again.

Thank u for answers

[RubyWitch]

I'm sure there is a name for what is happening to you, I just don't know what it is. But I do know that you need to get to your doctor as soon as possible and explain to him/her what you've told us here. I don't mean to undermine your father, and perhaps you didn't make it clear to him just how freaked out you were, but I believe he should have done something to get you help. But you are 21, an adult and you don't need your parents to see a doctor. Your doctor should rule out any organic reason for these symptoms and then refer you a psychiatrist or therapist who will help you find the root cause of these thoughts and help you get rid of them.
I can only imagine how frightening this is for you, but I want you to know that other people have posted here with the same issue, so you are certainly not alone.
You've suffered long enough with this, it's time to get pro-active and get the help you need to end this.
Please let us know how you're doing.
Peace
Greenlydia