L Ron is right on -- for all of us we didn't have this and then we did. Later, you can trace it coming on, but it is what it is. Now you have to deal with it, and get yourself into therapy as soon as possible to get going. As for the Ativan, only take it when you absolutely need it, not too often, as it can be devilish to stop taking benzos, but they can help you keep going and you do need to keep going. Good luck.
I have experienced much of what you describe. And while anxiety is not 100% out of my life, it is 90% gone. I did it, and so can you.
Panic attacks sometimes have a clear trigger. Other times they come on randomly. I can’t explain it, and have given up trying. If you haven’t already done so, get a complete physical to rule out any medical issue that might have a role in all this. But chances are, you have anxiety/panic issues like millions of other people.
Don’t make the mistake of viewing Ativan with disdain. It can be very helpful at times, and you shouldn’t frown on yourself for using it as needed.
Here are some ways I overcame anxiety and panic (mostly, anyway):
1. Don’t fight it. Imagine you’re swimming, and the panic/anxiety is a wave. Rather than swimming against the wave or fighting it, just ride the wave.
2. Don’t be hyper-vigilant or obsess over anxiety and panic and the symptoms they cause. Acknowledge them, then ignore them.
3. Focus your attention and energy on the world and people around you. Get involved in a project, hobby, etc. – something that requires all of your focus. Turn your attention outward, rather than inward.
4. Accept that you have panic/anxiety issues. The more you accept it, the less of a problem it will be.
5. Trust your body (mainly your heart). It’s only having a natural reaction to your panic.
There are lots of good resources out there. The anxiety guru is good. So is Don’t Panic by Reid Wilson. You should also get some therapy.
Please don’t hurt yourself over this. Anxiety/panic is very treatable, and you CAN overcome it. I hope that helps.