anxiety or mind games

[Slw06]

Hello, well where to begin? i'm 19 years old just had my one year anniversary with my husband. i moved from a small town in missouri to sarasota florida and i truely hate it here in missouri where i'm from i was comfortable lived there all my life never had a problem. i've llived in florida for a year now and i just feel stress everyday if i know that i'm going to ahve to drive to work that day i get freaked out and make myself sick. within living here for 3 months a car had sideswiped me twice when i was parked at a stop light.  and also back home i have a nephew who is 3 now  i basically raised from a little baby until he was 2   i got marrid and moved away and i fear for his life his dad(my brother) is lazy still lving with my mom  can barely hold a job and my nephew hasn't been to a dr. since he was a year old and he was a premie baby. his mother is  a crack head in and out of jail and just got out of rehab for the 3rd time in 5 months.

[Slw06]

Thank you very much for all of your advice!

[suzi-q]

I truly wish you the best and hope that you can either go back there or for your nephew to come live with you.

[Slw06]

well my brother had gone to court when she said she was going to leave the state with my nephew they have joint custody he was  4 days and she has 3. even tho seh just comes and gets him when she wants. she can't leave the state with him and she has to live in teh school district my brother does when he starts school. i don't know i had a talk with my husband and he said i should start looking into getting custody or atleast to where he can't stay at his moms  house with her

[suzi-q]

I am sorry that your nephew and you are having such a hard time...anyway to get "MOM" to only have supervised visitation????

[suzi-q]

You seem to definitely have reasons to be stressed out.  You have a lot of worries and "newness" in your life that also causes tremdous amount of stress.

Just a question.  Are you just nervous or truly obsessing?  It could be that you are also suffering from separation anxiety from your nephew and all that is comfortable and safe for you.  Try to ask yourself if your fears are reasonable or are they boardering an obsession.  That will give you an answer if your head is also playing games with you.

[Slw06]

Thank you very much for your advice i will try to work up the courage to talk to him but i fear it will end wrong and i will never be able to speak or see my nephew again cause my brother will think i'm trying to take him away my brother isn't ready for a child but he would be upset if my nephew  was gone. he just wants to be a part time parent and he can't

[Slw06]

AH my mom just emailed me and told me that my nephew had jsut gotten back from his mothers house and everytime he goes to sleep at night he wakes up screaming at hte top sof his lungs and walking around just screaming and noone can calm him down. and it happens everytime he comes back from his mothers house. there has to be an explanation for this what is happening ot him to make him do that!

[Slw06]

i dont think its obessing my nephew has fallen down the stairs before with his dad there nothing happend but it scared the **** out of me and out of my nephew and my brother just tol him to quit crying he wasn't hurt he was two years old and had fallen down 13 hardwood steps  i freaked out and called my mom so she would come  home and check him out she said he was fine i don't think i'm obssessing about it beuacse his parents are worthless. if my mom was there more i would be ok but she works two jobs.  

[suzi-q]

I don't know if you want to start this process, but is it possible to prove them to be unfit parents and take over guardianship?  Of course it would be extremely hard to do living so far away.  Would your brother give up custody for a while if you talk to him?  Sounds like he doesn't want to really be a dad right now and the mother is a total loser.  Maybe they would consent?  it is a hard roll to travel, but it is up to you.  May God bless you and lead you to the right decision for you and your nephew.

[suzi-q]

Sorry for the double post about custody!  I did one letter and didn't see in on the thread, so I did another one.  You must think I am nuts!!!

I truly wish you the best.  maybe try talking to your brother???  Ya never know until you try!

[suzi-q]

Have you considered trying to get custody?  It seems your brother is definitely not ready to be a father.  Would dad and cracked up mom give you that?  You could also go through family court to prove them to be negligent and incompetent parents...but that is a long hard process and openning another can of worms.....

[Slw06]

I want nothing more than to have that little boy in my custody everybody tells me i'm to young and blah blah blah but i can handle it i know i can.  I used to drop him off at the babysitters in the morning before school and i would pick him up after school if iw orked i would go and take him to my dads house or my mom would go and get him everyday.  i know it would be hard but atleast he would be safe and taken care of. My husband told me he had no problem with it.  No they wouldn't give me custody.

[Slw06]

no i don't think my brother would give up custody him not sure why he just won't the mother would care less. it would be tough for him to move away tho he loves his grandma  very much (my mom) and she is there for him as much as possible. and even tho his mom is worthless everday i would see him he walawys talked about her and said i love my mommy and she just doens't even care!

[Slw06]

i should just take th emoney i have saved up and go and get custody of him.  i'm not so sure i could even get custody of him i'm so young but i have my own home i have a job and he would be taken care of. ah geez life sucks

[Slw06]

i don't knowwhy i feel its my fault i feel like the money that i have saved up i should go and get custody of him. but not so sure i could get custody of him because i'm so young. i have a home i pay my bills and he would be taken care of. i guess for now i'll do the best i can from florida.

[elees_31]

I think it's wonderful that you are so concerned about the well being of your nephew and I think if you can move back that will be great.  Right now though, you have to take care of you!  You are very young and this fear and anxiety is not healthy.

[sucka4love718]

i think u should talk it over with your husband.... which u probably already have and see if it possible to move back to missouri.... from the outside looking in it seems like you are very much responsible for the well being of your nephew. esp. since the ppl around him arent capable of taking care of him.it might be hard for you and your husband to move back, but being in florida isnt helping you right now. even if its just for peace of mind, i think u should go back home. that may be the only thing that can stop u from worrying.
And if you're not be able to move back right away, use your nephew as inspiration to get through your days in florida. so that u may get back to see him asap.

[Slw06]

well... right now moving back is kinda hard. financially. but we are saving ot move back  i go home for visits i try atleast every three months and i just got back on saturday and it was so hard for me to leave he clings to me and begs me to take him with me and  i tell him that someday he can live with me and it just rips my heart out. he was sick teh whole time i was there and i couldn't afford to take him to the dr. without insurance so i was buying medicine and vitamins and doing hte best i could he got a bath everday and had meals 3 times a day now i'm not sure if he gets that when i leave :(

[Slw06]

Everynight i have night terrors that something bad will happen to my nephew like he will be staying with his mom and he'll get ahold of something and he will die or hes with my brother and my brother won't be watching him close enough and he will fall down the stairs and break his neck i have many nights where i don't sleep and many days when i don' eat. i call to check on him once a day my brother is almost 22 and i just turned 19 ifeel that i'm a better parent than him and i want my nephew in my custody jsut so i can live a normal life and know he will be taken care of and i know it will never happen i guess i feel guilty for my nephew not being taken care of  should i go and talk to a dr. and get on medication or am i just being stupid and over thinking too much any opinions are very much appreciated