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derealization unusual progression Please Help!
For the past 18 years I have suffered a strange feeling of everything looking fake, and a feeling of almost being withdrawn into my self. i have since learnt about Deralisation (DR) and depersonalisation (DP). I mainly have derealisation.
What kicked started my DR was an oculargyric crisis (a dystonic reaction: fixed stare, distorted rigid position, paralysis). Which was brought on by an adverse reaction or overdose of Stemetil (prochlorperazine). I was 15, and in hospital for an appendectomy. I was given Benztropine to counter the effects of the stemitil induced oculargyric crisis.
I have trawled the net for any DR/DP sufferers that have similar symptoms to me, and i haven't found anybody. I understand the mechanism of how i possibly got DR, i.e. In my case the oculagyric crisis was extremely stressful and traumatic, exacerbated by the fact that i suffered two crisis within 4 hours. I guess, (although I've never really given it much thought until recently), as a child i was always a deep thinker, and possibly suffered from anxiety. So i may have been predisposed to DR/DP and just needed a catalyst to take me there.
My problem with my DR is this: The onset of my DR following the crisis was accompanied with a sensation at the back of my head. i.e. immediately following the crisis, I had a pressure sensation at the back of the head and foggy feeling (DR). These two conditions have been chronic and progressive ever since. Thats the anomaly about my DR experience. By chronic i mean i have had both the DR and pressure sensation since i was 15. They have not fluctuated in severity up and down, they have just both got progressively steadily worse over the last 18 years. They seem tied to each other. My DR now makes me feel extremely distance from what i felt like to be normal and the sensation, which started at the back of the head has since spread over to encompass my entire head. The pressure had, until recently, almost reached the point like my head was going to explode.
After discovering that i had DR (about 2 weeks ago) i learnt about anxiety and its relationship with DR. i have since practiced deep breathing techniques, started a better diet, and exercised more. I have also stopped drinking alcohol (though i was never a very heavy drinker). these changes (especially the breathing & relaxation) have taken the bit of edge off the head pressure, though the DR still remains.
I have suffered over the years with headaches and migraines, but these may have been brought on by the years of stress, worrying about what was wrong with me. I have also, in the past, had MRI and CT scans, which were normal. Incidentally i started suffering Tinnitus and sinus problems following the onset of DR. I also developed myopia (although most of family are short sighted) not sure how relevant these conditions are to the DR and head pressure.
My questions are:
Is my experience unique or does anybody have DR/DP closely tied to a physical condition?
Does anybody have DR that is progressive (continues to worsen regardless)?
should i pursue a pathological/medical approach (i.e. check for neurological disease/abnormallity, scans, drugs etc) or a holistic approach (continue with breathing, relaxation, and meditation)?
is it possible that i will one day be 100% ok again?
Any help greatly appreciated.
What kicked started my DR was an oculargyric crisis (a dystonic reaction: fixed stare, distorted rigid position, paralysis). Which was brought on by an adverse reaction or overdose of Stemetil (prochlorperazine). I was 15, and in hospital for an appendectomy. I was given Benztropine to counter the effects of the stemitil induced oculargyric crisis.
I have trawled the net for any DR/DP sufferers that have similar symptoms to me, and i haven't found anybody. I understand the mechanism of how i possibly got DR, i.e. In my case the oculagyric crisis was extremely stressful and traumatic, exacerbated by the fact that i suffered two crisis within 4 hours. I guess, (although I've never really given it much thought until recently), as a child i was always a deep thinker, and possibly suffered from anxiety. So i may have been predisposed to DR/DP and just needed a catalyst to take me there.
My problem with my DR is this: The onset of my DR following the crisis was accompanied with a sensation at the back of my head. i.e. immediately following the crisis, I had a pressure sensation at the back of the head and foggy feeling (DR). These two conditions have been chronic and progressive ever since. Thats the anomaly about my DR experience. By chronic i mean i have had both the DR and pressure sensation since i was 15. They have not fluctuated in severity up and down, they have just both got progressively steadily worse over the last 18 years. They seem tied to each other. My DR now makes me feel extremely distance from what i felt like to be normal and the sensation, which started at the back of the head has since spread over to encompass my entire head. The pressure had, until recently, almost reached the point like my head was going to explode.
After discovering that i had DR (about 2 weeks ago) i learnt about anxiety and its relationship with DR. i have since practiced deep breathing techniques, started a better diet, and exercised more. I have also stopped drinking alcohol (though i was never a very heavy drinker). these changes (especially the breathing & relaxation) have taken the bit of edge off the head pressure, though the DR still remains.
I have suffered over the years with headaches and migraines, but these may have been brought on by the years of stress, worrying about what was wrong with me. I have also, in the past, had MRI and CT scans, which were normal. Incidentally i started suffering Tinnitus and sinus problems following the onset of DR. I also developed myopia (although most of family are short sighted) not sure how relevant these conditions are to the DR and head pressure.
My questions are:
Is my experience unique or does anybody have DR/DP closely tied to a physical condition?
Does anybody have DR that is progressive (continues to worsen regardless)?
should i pursue a pathological/medical approach (i.e. check for neurological disease/abnormallity, scans, drugs etc) or a holistic approach (continue with breathing, relaxation, and meditation)?
is it possible that i will one day be 100% ok again?
Any help greatly appreciated.
I googled my symptoms and I have found you.
Mine started when I was 14 y/o and now I'm 21 (7 years ago). I felt dizzy, an unusual dizziness that I never experienced before. The first thing that came to my mind is that I am having a brain tumor and I will die (At that time, I am studying biology in highschool and I have a textbook about various kinds of diseases).
After that, panic attacks came as if my head is filled with air. I thought I am passing out. That is the start of the 'nightmare.'
As a side note, after a week or two, my current teacher told an experience being dizzy. To my surprise that kind of feeling is very, very similar to mine. Our only difference is that she takes it not seriously and therefore, no panic attacks for her. She gets fine very soon.
My body develops a feeling of unreality shortly after having panic attacks. After a year or two of having the first onset of my anxiety and DR, the symptom of having a heavy head - a pressure at the back of my head occurs. It worries me much even now.
With these panic attacks that consistently bug me for years, I managed to stop these thoroughly. My last major panic attack was when, well I hardly remember. But the anxiety remains. A good news for me is that my derealization also subsided. I remember a time when I told my self "I must blame myself for wasting precious time just to worry." That time, I am busy of school work and enjoying it. A point when many days came without worrying about my health. A feeling of being close to be normal again.
A fact for me is that I often feel dizzy especially in public places. Many times I feel uneasy and fear of fainting while walking alone, even just in our neighbors. Anxiety triggers the pressure at the back of my head but develops it to be a constant pressure. Well not just back of head, but half of my feeling is the tightness at the back of my neck.
I visited a lot of doctors - internists, psychiatrists, neurologists, a neurosurgeon. Many of them are either pissed of me or having fun of me, saying I am taking things seriously. And also, I have had a CT scan which shows normal.
I am a keen googler of symptoms, and I have visited countless sites to find my 'holy grail'. All I can say is we are not alone. There are lotsss of them out there waiting for the answer. I also have found someone who has these symptoms for 40 years. I believe that if we do have a serious condition, we should have died many years ago. And in your case, a couple of decades ago.
Oh well I have myopia before the onset of DR. Never had a migraine and never had fainted all my life.
This is an open-ended answer. Many believe that the outcome of these, being cured is dependent on us, and God of course.
Many of us insists that we have a real physiological problem. Maybe they are right, I am also thinking of it. Maybe we have a real problem in our spine, or in our head. Maybe this is a psychiatric problem to the point that physiological reactions occur since body-mind connection is so strong. But wait, enough of these things.
You ask "is it possible that i will one day be 100% ok again?"
- All I know is that in my experience, in the midst of my 7-year experience, there is about few months span when I didn't bothered by my symptoms at all.
And well this is not an answer to your question per se, but just a comparison for you, me, and everyone else who suffers from the same chronic condition.
Mine started when I was 14 y/o and now I'm 21 (7 years ago). I felt dizzy, an unusual dizziness that I never experienced before. The first thing that came to my mind is that I am having a brain tumor and I will die (At that time, I am studying biology in highschool and I have a textbook about various kinds of diseases).
After that, panic attacks came as if my head is filled with air. I thought I am passing out. That is the start of the 'nightmare.'
As a side note, after a week or two, my current teacher told an experience being dizzy. To my surprise that kind of feeling is very, very similar to mine. Our only difference is that she takes it not seriously and therefore, no panic attacks for her. She gets fine very soon.
My body develops a feeling of unreality shortly after having panic attacks. After a year or two of having the first onset of my anxiety and DR, the symptom of having a heavy head - a pressure at the back of my head occurs. It worries me much even now.
With these panic attacks that consistently bug me for years, I managed to stop these thoroughly. My last major panic attack was when, well I hardly remember. But the anxiety remains. A good news for me is that my derealization also subsided. I remember a time when I told my self "I must blame myself for wasting precious time just to worry." That time, I am busy of school work and enjoying it. A point when many days came without worrying about my health. A feeling of being close to be normal again.
A fact for me is that I often feel dizzy especially in public places. Many times I feel uneasy and fear of fainting while walking alone, even just in our neighbors. Anxiety triggers the pressure at the back of my head but develops it to be a constant pressure. Well not just back of head, but half of my feeling is the tightness at the back of my neck.
I visited a lot of doctors - internists, psychiatrists, neurologists, a neurosurgeon. Many of them are either pissed of me or having fun of me, saying I am taking things seriously. And also, I have had a CT scan which shows normal.
I am a keen googler of symptoms, and I have visited countless sites to find my 'holy grail'. All I can say is we are not alone. There are lotsss of them out there waiting for the answer. I also have found someone who has these symptoms for 40 years. I believe that if we do have a serious condition, we should have died many years ago. And in your case, a couple of decades ago.
Oh well I have myopia before the onset of DR. Never had a migraine and never had fainted all my life.
This is an open-ended answer. Many believe that the outcome of these, being cured is dependent on us, and God of course.
Many of us insists that we have a real physiological problem. Maybe they are right, I am also thinking of it. Maybe we have a real problem in our spine, or in our head. Maybe this is a psychiatric problem to the point that physiological reactions occur since body-mind connection is so strong. But wait, enough of these things.
You ask "is it possible that i will one day be 100% ok again?"
- All I know is that in my experience, in the midst of my 7-year experience, there is about few months span when I didn't bothered by my symptoms at all.
And well this is not an answer to your question per se, but just a comparison for you, me, and everyone else who suffers from the same chronic condition.
Hey there, i have a lot of depersonalization and derealisation, and i have a weird feeling in my haed as if theres pressure or a bubble in there, its weird, i think it is all linked to the anxiety/panic. It completely freakes me out sometimes. I have had a CT scan so i guess everythings ok. I also get funny rumbling/noises in my ears.
I honestly don't know much about your condition... My only advice would be seek as much medical help as you possibly can... someone is bound to give you answers. I am a huge believer in holistic remedies and therapy. I would suggest that you explore those avenues...
I think you absolutely have the ability to be 100% okay again, you just have to be persistent and find something that works for you!
Good luck :)
I think you absolutely have the ability to be 100% okay again, you just have to be persistent and find something that works for you!
Good luck :)
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