help me

[sweet16]

Im 16 years old and i have this problem which is really really bothering me and wasting a lot of my time. I tend to obsess over minor things so much, i feel so helpless and confused and it makes me really anxious and upset. i tend to think about things so much like every thing in every asepct of my life. Im genrally a happy person and i havent had any major upssetings in my life but i still obssess and think so much over things. For example, i may have said something to someone and later i will think ''what if i said something wrong, what if i was meant to say this'' or if i look at myself in the mirror i may think ''what if my nose has changed? has it changed?'' and the worst thing is that it goes on for ages and ages and no matter how hard i try it wont leave my mind i have 2 repeatedly think about it and reassure myself that eveything is fine.And then i think ''now that i'v thought so much about this issue what if it really does go wrong because iv stressed over it so much '' I dont know what to do im so confused this is watsing my life please give me advice on what this could be about and why i get these feelings because i know there not normal at all!

[raindelay]

Carrie, I hate the post-drunkard blues.  I would wake up every morning feeling like a complete loser and worried to death about what I might have said or done.  I'm not a heavy drinker but I still would worry.  I have Scottish friends who can drink like fish and they never worry about it the next day.  It's all part of "just havin' fun."  Well, not for me.  

That''s why I don't drink hard alcohol, I just found that it didn't work.  When I was younger I stayed to beer and now it is wine which I do on a moderate level (I love red wine so maybe it's not actually considered moderate!).

I can't say that anxiety gets easier with time.  I have responsibilities now that I never had and that causes me concern.  When you're young you have college, a job, yourself.  I'm married, have three kids, a mortgage, a big job and lots of stress.  

The nice thing is I can manage if I stick to my program.  And, the programs not much of a drag but in reality has helped me be a better person that I would have been.  It keeps me disciplined.  It has also freed my mind about so many things that had haunted me as a kid.  

I was raised in Catholic schools and in strict Catholic families so there was quite a bit of reconciliation I had to do with such things as guilt, morality, sexuality, etc.  I'm beyond all of that now and feel very content.  

I didn't start dealing with the anxiety until I was 26 so you're a few years ahead of me.  Luckily you have the foundation to get up the learning curve pretty fast and now have your anxiety effect you the way that it does for many people for many years.

Sweet16 will be fine if she takes some of the advice to heart and turns the negative into a positive.  

Kind regards.

[Concernedcarrie]

You hit the nail on the head.  You are right about everything.  I don't need the support like I used to.  It sure would have helped me understand, learn, and accept my problem earlier if I would have tried this forum.  I feel for sweet16.  The scariest time of my life was just not having control and not knowing why.  I'm happy to say, I do everything that you do, and have not had any anxiety since I started my new job in October.  I haven't had an anxiety attack for a very long time!

I'm only 23.  Does it get easier after you know how to cope with everything?  Are you able to keep it under control as you get older?  I hope so.  Our bodies go through so many hormonal changes, but I would hope from 25 till later in life my hormones will stay relatively regular.  

Comment:  I hate that I can't drink without the fear of hangovers with anxiety.  I do limit myself a lot and know it's healthier.  But, it sucks that you can't let lose once in a great while.  I know you'll be hung over, but I remember when I didn't have hangovers with anxiety.  I'd kill for those days.

[raindelay]

I'm sorry, I just realized I had some things in my earlier post that were not appropriate for someone your age.  Please ignore that and my apologies for not having edited it.

Some of those recommendations are for people a bit more 'seasoned' in life.  At your age I would recommend that you don't indulge too much in certain things....

[raindelay]

I posted that a few days ago on another forum.  Sweet16, you'd be surprised how many of "us" there are out there.  Concernedcarrie has some good advice that I would follow.  

Don't stress about it because you're in good company (that's why the pharmaceutical industry is doing so well).

Remember that many, many people have similar issues.  I just found out that a neighbor across the street from us - someone I really respect and admire - has similar anxiety issues.  It's pretty common.

The main thing is you have to find what works for you instead of running and relying on the drugs that doctors are too fast to prescribe.  There are better ways.

One of the most important is journaling.  Start today and write out what you're feeling.

Another point that concernedcarrie brought up is that people like us are often able to think and empathize at different levels than others.  That means you're special and have a gift.  You just need to learn how to manage it and live with it.

You can do it.  I'm 42 and am very successful BECAUSE OF MY ABILITIES TO THINK ON DIFFERENT LEVELS!!

Turn a negative into a positive.....good luck and don't worry..!!

[raindelay]

I suffered my first panic attack about 15 years ago (when I was about 25 but I think I had them earlier as well).  I was at work and thought I was having a heart attack which led me to the ER 15 minutes later.  I learned a lot about panic attacks at that point.  Subsequently, I have moved around the world and had to deal with many different issues that have challenged me to manage anxiety.  And oh by the way, I have also found out that it runs in our family which was news to me.  

Here are some things I've learned that may help others:

1.  I have stayed off of regular drugs but keep a Xanax handy, usually in my right pocket.  I used to keep it with me daily but now I only do if I know I will be in a "high risk" situation (like giving a speech or being somewhere "new").

2.  I shared with my wife my and family my situation so that everyone was well educated and we could compare notes.  Plus, since we found out that it ran in the family we all agreed to watch for the warning signs with our kids.

3.  I minimize caffeine.  Really minimize it.  I recommend quitting altogether but in my situation I have found that I can handle a cup of coffee here and there.  But, if I'm going into a new situation then I abstain.

4.  I quit drinking all beer and hard alcohol.  I have found that red wine is fine for me in moderation (heck, one glass a day is good for you!!).

5.  Job.  If my job is killing me I leave.  I don't take a job if the value system of the company does not match mine.  I would rather flip burgers than have my life snuffed out by the dark forces of bad management.  Life is too short.  If you're driving to work 3 days a week just hoping that someone will hit you so you don't have to go to work then you need a change.

6.  Stay away from the news.  You have got to get away from TV.  Local news broadcasts are the worst because it's the old adage that "if it bleeds it leads".  TV will depress you and make you wonder if it's all worth it.  Well, it is but it's not worth it to fill your head full of ****.  Get your news from sources on the net and keep away from the negative stuff.  There's that old quote from someone who once said, "television is the most educational invention ever, every time it goes on I open a book".  Read things that inspire you and keep you thinking about other things than that spot on your skin that you think just might be cancer.

7.  Quit obsessing over health.  GAD people are inherently hypochondriacs.  We're not all dying.  Having weird things happen to our bodies is normal and effect everyone (accept my wife it seems...).

8.  Exercise.  Being fat and feeling out of shape plays on your self esteem and will complicate GAD.  A big part of preventing GAD is building yourself up.  Pills are reactive to the condition, building self confidence is proactive.  Get off the couch and on to the elliptical machine.  You'll feel better emotionally, physically, and the released endorphines will do wonders for you.

9.  Keep organized.  Everytime I start to feel anxious I find it's because I'm not planning and executing.  Failure to plan is planning to fail.  Get yourself organized and keep at it.

10. Stay out of debt.  It took me 10 years to learn but money problems create anxiety.  Duh.  I don't anyone other than on my mortgage and plan to keep it that way.  Debt is evil.

11.  Sleep.  I nap when I can and hit the sack for my 8 hours.  I have been taking Tryptophan with vitamin B which helps (plus it's natural).  Give it a try.  You have got to get your sleep.

12.  Get over death.  I have three kids and love them to pieces.  I want to be here for years to enjoy their lives and help them grow.  But, things happen.  People do die every day.  People do get cancer and other bad diseases.  None of us are getting out of this alive so the faster we accept that the easier it is to deal with today.  I have tied loose ends so that if I'm whacked by some 16-year-old who's driving and talking on the cell phone today I know I'm in good shape.

13.  Have regular sex.  I tell my wife that I feel "loopy" after a few days if we don't have some intimate time.  Absent a partner then fly solo.

14.  Learn to clear you mind.  I have a ritual each night whereby I think about the same things.  It's a method of relaxation that I have used for years and puts me right to sleep.  You can't sleep well if you're thinking about all the disappointments life has handed you.  Go to that beautiful field with lots of flowers on a hot summer day and plop down in the middle of it for a nice calm sleep.  You can visualize that.

15.  Don't spend too much time commisurating with others on-line.  I know, I know, look where I am.  But, we can all spin each other up pretty well.  I like this site because it's fun not because I can validate to myself that I have every symptom listed here.  Don't spin yourself up because we don't know the history of each person these and other forums.  

16.  Understand your 'high stress' issues.  I know that I get stressed when I'm in a place where I lose some freedom.  Like going to someone's house for dinner for the first time.  I worry about not feeling well, needing to go #2 (I call this "****" anxiety), and what time we can go home.  So, I take steps to prepare for those times.  I feel stressed when I have to see a customer or spend the evening with people I'd rather not spend an evening with (due to my job).  It's a drag.  So, I prepare myself for it.

17. Find a creative outlet.  I have read that GAD sufferers are typically bright and creative with well-developed capabilities for visualizations and empathy.  I play guitar to allow myself an emotional outlet.

18.  Journal.  This is probably the big one.  I write regularly to myself about what I'm thinking, feeling and going to do.  I ask myself questions and challenge my beliefs and assumptions.  Since you have a computer, start a Word document with password protection and begin writing things down.  Record what you felt, when, and for how long.  You'll thank me for this later in life.

Sorry it's so long but these things have helped me.  Good luck to you all and remember that you're not alone.

[Concernedcarrie]

I'm a talker and an analyzer ...like you:)

Try to avoid unneccassary stressed in your life.  Get in a helathy routine now and you will make it much easier on yourself through life.

Eat a balanced diet (breakfast, lunch dinner)
-Foods high in sugar, caffine, etc can stimulate you
-Blood sugar levels can also make you feel more anxioius;watch your intake of processed flour and sugars (ex:  boxed crackers, cookies, etc)
-Drink enough H20/Keep well hydrated

Regualar Exercize
-Studies show this makes you feel over all better
-HS can be a trying time for body image...this will help you stay in shape and feeling great
(remember:  healthy not "skinny")

Good Sleep
-Being well rested will help you stay sharp
-I feel terrible when I'm exhausted

Control Yourself
-Watch what you say
Don't gossip and say negative things about people.  (I always gossipped and it bites you in the butt)
Most issues in HS will NOT matter after you graduate or even become a senior
Don't destroy your reputation by bad mouthing ppl.  You will lose others respect and will not be trusted.  Only confide in the people that you trust with your life.  Even though people confide in you, this does NOT mean that you can trust them.
A good rule:  Only say what you could say to the person's face
-Try not to have bad relationships in your life  
These will happen.  (ex I hated my mother in HS)  If I would have been more mature and realized how lucky I was instead of how horrible I had it, I could have avoided a lot.
ALWAYS BE HONEST!

Organized/On time
Do not procratinate.  This happens, but WE don't handle the stress as well as others can.  Avoid this by planning ahead and staying on track.  Example:  No matter what, that report needs to be done by the due date.  So, work on it early and make your life less stressful.  Your going to have to get it done anyways, right?

I did not do these things and added a lot of stess and anxiety to my life.  I learned the hard way.  I regret the way that I did things, but I've learned from them.  This is all that matters.  You just need to try.  I am a perfectionist in some ways.  I just realized this, but it is true.  Even though I used to have the messiest room and car ever...I still felt anxiety if things were not in order.  Like I said...get in a good routine.

[Concernedcarrie]

Read this...I think I may be able to help.

I felt much the same way my enitre life.  Growing up, people said that I was bright.  I had seperation anxiety.  Many people do but it is not talked about.  Going into HS, I had social anxiety.  I was a social butterfly with many friends/boyfriends, but I had anxiety.  Again, many people do, but may not realize this or talk about it.  Going into college, I still had social anxiety and experienced my first anxiety/panic attack.  Up until this point, my anxiety wasn't "disablitating".  A little here and a little there.  I was able to handle it.  

I have always over analyzed situations, life, everything!  You are able to think on a different type of level.  This is a good thing.  You will find people who think the way we do as you grow up.  We can think indepthly and abstractly.  (The opposite is a concrete thinker like cold hard facts)  If you don't find a method to get your thoughts out, you will feel like your mind is racing.  The ways that would help me is to write.  I kept a notebook that I would write in almost every night.  I would write, draw, and jot down feelings, sayings, etc.  This helps tramendously.  I would also talk to my mom, my best friend or boyfriend about any stresses etc. that I had.  Exercize helps to release endorphins and stimulates seratonin in the brain.  If you exercize on a regular basis, it may help you sleep sounder, alleviate stress, and gets your mind of things.

New situations and new feelings may feel uncomfortable.  I completely understand.  I'm 23 and content.  The past few years it feels like I've been to hell and back.  It helped me a lot to talk to friends/people who had a hard time coping with the same experiences.  I hope that I helped you to understand how you can help yourself.  You will be fine and this is normal.  Stress and anxiety affects a large % of people.  If you want more advice, just ask.