Aa
just a thought
for some reason this morning while excercising this hit me between the eyes. I got really angry from the realization that i am a slave to an emotion. Its an emotion for crying out loud. I read all of our posts and fear is the one thing we have in common, that just pisses me off!!! Is this something everyone already knows and i had an aha moment? This is something i need to ponder as it is fresh for me but man, to think i have let an emotion rule my life just really makes me mad
it sure does help to continue to remind ourselves of that. Yesterday is gone, this moment is gone as i write this, we can create new "what we are" who we are, and it is what it is. Hormones absolutely effect us. We can dwell on the past and what is gone or take this moment to move forward and help ourselves. There is such great and helpful stuff out there. What I am lighting on is more zen type stuff but there are other things for different people. The anxiety & phobia workbook, books by Beck, my personal favorites Ekhardt Tolle and Rick Carson's taming your gremlin. I spent week doing the "simply notice" that is all! no expectations, no gotta do's, just notice. Notice when i am becoming completely focused on a thought, notice what i see and smell, notice what i am thinking about and what they are, worrying, catastrophising, etc and just naming it. I gave myself nothing else i had to do but that. no pressure of facing my fears for a few weeks. now, as i am at the point of facing my fears, i am starting to be able to pull the tools out. At the dentist I used that, noticed my thoughts, relaxed my body as the Kabit-Zinn cd teaches to do, focused my awareness to the feeling of the person messaging me and had the aha moment that all this reading and work is starting to matter!
I feel so similar - there are times when I just get so frustrated and angry at myself for being overtaken by an emotion! Sometimes it's almost a feeling of mourning who I used to be... I'm not really sure what happened to trigger all of these years of anxiety and fear. And since it's not who I want to be, it makes it hard to deal with - especially when I feel like I'm getting worse and not sure how to make it better. I wonder if it intensified from the hormones of pregnancy and becoming a mother at a young age when I was unprepared and unmarried...
Thanks for the listening 'ears' -- it does help to be able to write out some of what's going on in my head.
Thanks for the listening 'ears' -- it does help to be able to write out some of what's going on in my head.
ooppsss meg forgot your WHHHOOOO you deserve it!!! oh and my names Donna just so you can know who you are talking to
it aint nuthin like easy, sometimes when i read posts and see how many still believe there is a magic pill or that somehow we will be transforned into who we used to be. I still believe that just isn't going to happen, at that point we have two choices, to sink into depression and dispair or to completely throw ourselves into creating peace and wellness with the hand we have now. Who knows, maybe through this journey we will like ourselves better than our old selves, I am thinking thru a freshly pulled tooth and pain meds so if it sounds a bit off, sorry :)
Hey gals, I really do enjoy reading your posts. I thought I'd share! I had an amazing valentines day with my boyfriend, the hours leading up to the dinner I kept thinking how am I going to get thru tonight, am I going to ruin it thinking about my anxiety & I surprised myself and made it thru. The thoughts were there but were not so apparent. I had a wonderful evening. Tuesday was my birthday, 28 :) Seesh time flies by....The boyfriend was able to get tickets for us to see a wonderful broadway show. Again, I was getting ready the only thoughts I had were....am I going to be thinking about my anxiety, when will it return. I made it thru with little to no thoughts. I surprised myself..again! They were there but not nagging...I enjoyed myself :)
I hate living in constant fear of when and why I have to deal with this. But you two are really inspiring. My hope is that the way I feel when im "well" stays around longer than it sometimes does. I am expecting my period soon, so im sure thats where the surge of extra anxiety is coming from. I understand I will live with this everyday for the rest of my life, I just have to keep strong & not allow to swallow me whole again.
I hate living in constant fear of when and why I have to deal with this. But you two are really inspiring. My hope is that the way I feel when im "well" stays around longer than it sometimes does. I am expecting my period soon, so im sure thats where the surge of extra anxiety is coming from. I understand I will live with this everyday for the rest of my life, I just have to keep strong & not allow to swallow me whole again.
Today went thrift shopping in another town, while in the store my husband and i seperate so i can keep pushing my boundaries. I noticed that i kept thinking i don't feel so well. is this panic or something else? I decided whatever it was I would find out soon enough and someone would help me if i passed out or got ill. That is a complete change of attitude for me!! Normally I would have found my husband and made him get me out, that i would run from the fear. And guess what, within about 5 minutes or so i forgot about how i was feeling and kept on shopping. I have been picking up things to sell on ebay and make some extra money (yes I report the money i make :)) I even suggested we try another store about 10 miles away from the one we were at!!! Another whoo day. I am still holding on to that anger that an emotion IS NOT going to control me anymore. I have read many books, done alot of work, endless hours of mindfullness programs and meditation so i don't mean to make it sound easy, its been hell, but i am just so happy to be learning thru hard work it can be done!
Whoooo!!!! Good for you! I am so happy you were able to enjoy your lunch and you are adapting such a positive healthy attitude!
today my husband took me to lunch for valentines day at a local mexican restaurant. It was really nice and I was still able to keep the attitude of "its an emotion!!!!" I really don't know why that hit me the way it did but I haven't worried about the dentist all day, i really hope this attitude stays around for awhile. Its an EMOTION!!! nothing more. this is so liberating, i don't trust this feeling but am ready to take more steps. I have been in a bad way for years now so this is just awesome!!!
Good for you!!!! Keep at it, you are inspiring. I pulled myself out of my rut today and went into town as well. Everything was closed already (forgot it was Sunday) but atleast I got out :)
I hope you are able to try and take some of those classes sillygirl, I think they would really help.
I hope you are able to try and take some of those classes sillygirl, I think they would really help.
To challenge myself i just took myself down town, noticed fear and said whatever. Can't say i was totally completely without anxiety but this chip on my shoulder said ya ya ya fear i know your there i just don't care nanny nanny. Still plugging away at not returning to being agoraphobic. getting out somewhere every day
I hate it too. Am constantly aware of how agoraphobia/panic disorder to use medical label restrains me.
Today, I was elated, as got a good night's sleep, altho I decided I didn't need 1 1/2 clonazapam. Well, reality check. Exercising in apt. ...stretches and floor work, and bang! I could hardly stand up for the room whirling around.
Couldn't get it to calm down by breathing or whatnot, so took 1/4 clonazapam. Believe but don't know for sure that it was reaction to reducing amount.
This episode really p***** me off. Am scared to get out in car until I am sure I'm ok.
Blast! And I was actually thinking about Sunday's Yoga Class @ Y. That is not going to happen until I settle down. I was daydreaming about how I loved ballet and jazz classes, and praising my body for doing all the stretches that come 2nd nature. Dang.
Today, I was elated, as got a good night's sleep, altho I decided I didn't need 1 1/2 clonazapam. Well, reality check. Exercising in apt. ...stretches and floor work, and bang! I could hardly stand up for the room whirling around.
Couldn't get it to calm down by breathing or whatnot, so took 1/4 clonazapam. Believe but don't know for sure that it was reaction to reducing amount.
This episode really p***** me off. Am scared to get out in car until I am sure I'm ok.
Blast! And I was actually thinking about Sunday's Yoga Class @ Y. That is not going to happen until I settle down. I was daydreaming about how I loved ballet and jazz classes, and praising my body for doing all the stretches that come 2nd nature. Dang.
well plan some fun, have a picnic lunch on the floor, play dress up, how old are they? I so miss mine being small they were my play toys!!!
but seriously alison it is just a freaking emotion!!! Granted it is a gut punching, in your face emotion but really to give our lives over to it?? Oh ya, i am mad but mostly at myself for allowing fear to run my life. There must he something we can do with this anger to push us forward. I am actually so mad i am not even worried about the dentist. i say "bring it" fear you are only an emotion. My movies are movies and I am more than my thoughts and emotions. I guess we will see if this holds, but for now i am not scared.
I know you are used to having your man around, so am i, but am starting to appreciate my time without someone knowing every move i make, starting to appreciate the freedom when i get it. You can do this, you know you will handle it as best you can. if you lie fetal all day so be it. we are all here for you too. Dont beat yourself up and add to the problem. This will be one of the "feel the fear and do it anyway" moments. the thoughts are clouds floating around, look at my profile picture.
I know you are used to having your man around, so am i, but am starting to appreciate my time without someone knowing every move i make, starting to appreciate the freedom when i get it. You can do this, you know you will handle it as best you can. if you lie fetal all day so be it. we are all here for you too. Dont beat yourself up and add to the problem. This will be one of the "feel the fear and do it anyway" moments. the thoughts are clouds floating around, look at my profile picture.
Having that right now :( I am pissed at this anxiety right now. My husband starts a new job tomorrow and after being together 24/7 for so long I am not taking it well. It pisses me off that my anxiety controls something that should be a good thing and turns it into a bad thing. I hate that this stupid emotion or disorder or whatever it is controls my life the way it does.
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