I am in my twenties. I've had anxiety and depression from as early i can remember as 8 years old. I have a psychiatrist who has tried me on over 10 different medications (antidepressants) and NOTHING has seemed to help. I went on disability while I was testing out medications with my doctor. I had some savings from a family member's Will and i got psychotherapy with it. It helped me a lot at the time. But what helped me most to the point where I could live life again was klonopin. I got an amazing job and an amazing boyfriend. I decided to come off klonopin slowly. My psychiatrist took me off, I tapered off of 2mgs. For the last month I have been off Klonopin.
The anxiety and depression just hit me like a ton of bricks. I can't remember a single thing I learned in therapy. My mind is so foggy. I am going to lose my job anyday now. People keep asking me why im messing up, they are talking to me but I can't focus on their words. I can't focus on anything. I literally CAN'T FUNCTION at all. I think I'm going to have a breakdown, I came home today after a HORRIBLE work day and cried my eyes out screaming at the top of my lungs. My boyfriend doesn't even know I have anxiety/depression. He will dump me if he finds out. He is so proud of my success. Why does he have to be proud of my success? I feel like I have to live up to the pressure of being successful for him. If I lose my job, I lose him and he's all I have. It feels like a huge secret I'm hiding.
Now please my main question is, I need to go back on klonopin. It's the only thing I know will help me. I got off it because I didn't want to develop an addiction. So my main question: Does one only have withdrawls if they stop clonazapam? What if I keep taking it for the rest of my life, even increasing it...I mean till I die...won't I be able to function then? If the only downfall is addiction, why can't I take it for the rest of my life, or until they invent something better.
I'm making the choice right now of either losing everything important in my life right now due to Not taking clonazapam or being addicted to it and losing everything in my life in the future.