Social Anxiety - Hard to Make Friends

[whoahnelly23]

I'm not really sure if this is the right forum, but I have trouble in social situations.  It's not so bad when I'm with good friends, but I've moved recently and don't often encounter actual "good friends."  I get nervous around people.  I feel like some pressure builds in my head, my neck sometimes itches and gets splotchy.  The worst part is my voice.  I don't have a deep smooth rolling voice.  My voice is higher and doesn't flow or articulate very well.  When I'm around people, my throat tightens up and talking is even more uncomfortable.  Almost everything I say is prefaced by the thought "what inflection can I use to minimize the awkwardness of the sound of my voice?"  Talking in social settings isn't easy and natural for me.  It is concentrated and forced, and always hurts my confidence.

These symptoms manifest even when I'm not directly in contact with people (e.g. I feel my throat tighten if I'm just on the bus around people or at Wal-Mart).  Even when I'm alone my voice bothers me and I can't seem to really settle into and be comfortable (although the nervous tightness isn't there, only my naturally difficult voice).

I'm at a fairly unstable place in my life right now.  I've been calling into question a lot of things and don't have a strong foundation in life at the moment.  So maybe finding my way through that would help my confidence, but I don't know how far off that will be and I think it affects my problem but doesn't cause it.

Thoughts? Suggestions? I don't really know how to go about addressing this...

[whoahnelly23]

I should clarify that my social problems are not immobilizing.  I don't freeze up or go into full-fledged panic attacks.  Generally speaking, I can do "alright" in most social settings, especially if I happen to be with people who are good friends.  But I still get uncomfortable in most social situations and the physiological symptoms I mentioned before often manifest.

I don't know much about anxiety disorders.  Do you think that's what I have?  Where would I seek help for this?  I'm seeing a psychologist regarding not being "in the best place with my life."  Should I mention this to him?

By the way, last night I decided I would start being more social to try desensitizing myself to such environments.  The result so far has been that I find it hard to relax.  I couldn't fall asleep for a while last night and this morning I've felt like I'm burning tons of energy.  And it's not fear; it's excitement.  ...kind of.  That's the best I can describe it.  I'm kind of hyper just about the idea of being more social.  Anyway, I feel like I'll use up all my energy by early afternoon and won't get a chance to actually do anything social anyway.  Already I feel too weird in this state of heightened energy to try being social.  I wish I could just relax and be casual about things.

[mammo]

This sounds like an anxiety induced problem, so I think getting into therapy would help.  It also sounds as if it is starting to cause some panicky feelings, which needs to be addressed with a professional.  There are also good self-help books on improving  your self esteem as well.  But it sounds like you are not in the best of places with your life, I would see a professional to help you with this.  Take care...