is this considered abuse/can something like this lead to anxiety or depression?

[lynnsee]

I've never met my real father but the man I call dad now is the only dad I've ever known. He came into the picture when I was about 1 I think and has been in my life ever since. When I was about 3 or 4 I used to sleep in my moms bed with her. My dad uses to live outta town and would come to visit on the weekends. What would happen was, at night when I was asleep, I'd wake up terrified to the sound of my mom moaning. At only 3 yrs old, I didnt understand what was going on. I'd hear my mom making awful sounds with a dazed look on her face and my dad above her looking like he was hurting her. I'd cry and cry and yell for him to stop hurting my mom but of course he wouldn't listen. So I'd cry myself to sleep feeling so helpless and confused. Now that I'm older, I understand completely. And at times when ever the topic of my parents having sex comes up I get angry because of what I remember as a child. I'm 20 yrs old now and its really hard for me to show any type of respect towards either of my parents. I was never touched and never saw anything as far as body parts. But now that I understand what was really going on next to me as I slept in that bed, I can't help but wonder if that was some type of sexual or child abuse because whether or not a child understands at that very moment, sex just isn't something they should see or hear.

[lynnsee]

Yea that part I completely understand. I wasn't even gonna bring that up in the situation but he made it seem like I was such a bad and selfish person for having my bf sleep over when really what he did was so much worse.

[ROSYouralright]

And always remember that"2 WRONGS DON'T MAKE A RIGHT." They may have made bad choices but that doesn't make it ok for you to have a boy sneaking in your window. Also, as long as you live in their house... Its THEIR rules.

[nursegirl6572]

I agree that it isn't necessarily abuse (kind of iffy), but no doubt it was very poor parenting, VERY.  I think you should ask them both to sit down with you and let them have it, explain how it made you feel, that you were young and confused and scared, and that what they did was TOTALLY inappropriate and unacceptable.  If they're open to hearing how you feel, maybe they will take responsibility for it and apologize for their awful choices.  That may make you feel better.

[ROSYouralright]

Oh, I see.

[lynnsee]

No, it would happen whenever he came to town so a lot more than just once.

It hadn't come up until about a year ago. Long story short, I got caught sneaking my bf in the house and my dad tried throwing the fact that my 11 yr old brother was 2 rooms away while I was in my room doing whatever, thats when I threw it back in his face about the whole situation with me in the bed at 3 yrs old. He kept his mouth shut after that.

[ROSYouralright]

It's very disturbing that your parents chose to have sex with you in the room & appalling that they did it with you in the bed! It was a very poor choice for them to make!! Was this a one time occurrence where you woke up and saw that?

Have you spoken to your mom/dad about this? If so, what did they say?
Maybe talking to your mom about it and telling her how your feeling will help you release the hurt & move forward...

I'm trying to think if it's considered"abuse." I thought maybe it would be be classified as child endangerment..  I'm just not sure what the"legal" classification would be..

So, legally, I'm not sure the classification but MORALLY & ETHICALLY, It was a horrid choice.

[Paxiled]

Well, it's certainly not sexual abuse since they didn't touch you, but it certainly sounds at the least extremely callous to your well-being.  I had a girlfriend who had gone through a similar experience when young, though it was her mother with a lot of people she wasn't married to, so it was even worse.  I think for you the important thing is to work on what this means for you going forward, so if you haven't done so already I'd see a therapist and talk it out.