BD and Computer Addiction?

[bbaggins]

My wife was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder/Severe Depression about 10 years ago, but - I am guessing - has had it all of her life. She's overweight, was morbidly obese at one point (over 400 pounds), but has been doing quite well in losing weight this past year (nearly 90 pounds since February). Food used to be her "anti-depressant", if you will. But the doctor told her that if she didn't start losing weight, she would become diabetic. As diabetes runs in her family, this scared her quite a bit, so that's why she started losing weight.

However, I get the feeling that her new "anti-depressant" is now her computer. She's on it all the time, has become hooked on a program called "Second Life", and she rarely ever moves away from it. If the internet connection goes down, I get a call within a few minutes at work asking me to get it fixed. If it takes more than a few hours to get it fixed, she's asking if its possible to get the dial-up connection working...

When she was originally diagnosed with BD/Depression, the doctors put her on Zoloft, Potassium and Xanax (PRN). She is now on Cymbalta (daily) and Xanax (PRN), and has even weened off of those, generally only taking the Cymbalta when she has BD episodes and taking Xanax if her anxiety acts up.

Based on her really bad BD episodes in the past, I am afraid of taking her computer away as I feel this will only send her deep in to depression or make her anxiety skyrocket.

Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can do at this point? I am at a bit of a loss. I did try disconnecting the internet on the outside of the house, but that only lasted a few hours. I've also talked to her about it, but it only seemed to work for a week or so...

[bernie40]

Hi, I suppose to a point I am pretty addicted to my PC.  I used to be completely addicted to The Sims - this was definitely escapism to me having all these little families on the screen.  I suppose it took over a year to come off it, I now rarely go on it although I still find it fun it doesn't take up all my waking hours.

Nowadays I come on here, the reasons are different though.  I come here for support and to be able to talk to people in similar situations to myself.  This is social interaction for me after far too long avoiding any interaction.  The next step will be to get out more and interact in person.

Definitely don't try and take this away from her, this will cause her immense stress and she will see you as being against her.  If this game is giving her comfort she will not understand where you are coming from.

The others have already given some very sound advice regarding medications and therapy.  Your wife has done so well to lose so much weight!  She can only deal with so much in one go, an example I was given was - don't try and diet, give up smoking and go back to work all in one go - so much stress will result in failure of all of it.  Take each thing separately.

[tres1965]

I understand this whole thing. I used to be completely addicted to my p.c. to  the point I was useless. It was an 'outltet that I could say or be anyone! I'd create different personalities, etc..then 1 day I just came back to reality. I started getting out of the house, cleaning up, etc..I had to FORCE myself to log off. Getting outside to watch the kids ball-games, etc..If you let it it can consume your life. It is best to take her with you for a walk, hold hands for a change, walk & get a ice-cream, or soda, & just sit & talk. She NEEDS you in her life & it sounds like you need her too. Try patience & tell her OVER & OVER how proud you are for her weight loss! That in itself is Awesome...
good luck, Tres
By the way I lost 200 lbs, so I can relate!

[LetaB]

  Obviously playing this game meets a real need for her. Is she depressed and mentally escaping from some situation? That would be me. I'm B.P. and have been extremely hooked on books all my life. I get frantic if I don't have one in hand at times! There was one game though - "Fable" - where I went to my room and balled when I beat it - I was so sorry the ride had ended.
  I want to praise you for being a sensitive and patient husband to her. Is she getting anything else done? Is the house in good order? Does she have any employment, etc.? Have you tried introducing her to this site? This has filled a need in me as I was feeling lonely and unaccepted before I found similar minds here. Have you told her you miss her company and worry about her single mindedness in this. You can't withdraw it from her, of course. You need to get her on board but I do think you're one in a million to have been so thoughtful.

[JasmineChemistry]

Hi, I'm BP II and yes I'm on SecondLife also.  Yes, it can be a very addicting "game" but it is more of a social networking aspect for me - I have friends online all hours of the day and they help me stay stable and keep track of myself.  I've talked to my psychiatrist about it, and he's actually glad of some of the support some of my friends online have provided me.

But I'm well aware that I need to have FirstLife contacts, take my medications, get out of the house a little, etc.  SecondLife is just one of my "me" times - something I do just for myself and not because any one else needs me to.  If my husband were to "take it away" I'd go ballistic on him.  That would not be how I would respond well.

[ILADVOCATE]

  "Computer addiction" is complex. In my case I'm online all the time because of my physical disability and I'm homebound. However, there was one social networking site I was on for a while where I was engaged in political debates. It was a lot of fun, a good way of engaging people and helped in practicing in how to approach people on my mental recovery. But after leaving the site for reasons beyond my control, I realized that I had indeed become addicted. Because of the times when I did go out when I physically was able to or use the phone or e-mail people off the site were diminishing. Markedly. I didn't realize I was addicted until after and saw I had thousands of posts. I would stay up until all hours and if I woke up in the middle of the night go online to see if people had added to the debates as the site had users that were in all time zones as it was international. But at least there was something real world going on. I looked up that site you mentioned and it seemed harmless enough but did not use real life social skills. So its escapism.
  But what is she escaping from? You mentioned depression and anxiety. If she has depression and needs an anti-depressent it must be taken daily. With anxiety, she is correct to go off the Xanax if she doesn't need it as it can be addictive and is short acting. But I take Klonopin and it lasts all day and I never became addicted to it. Her depression and anxiety must be treated. As well as talk therapy. And support groups. But if she's not treated and her mood and affect are abnormal as well as anxiety attacks she will want to self medicate. And this is the most minor form of self medication. Drugs and alcohol are commoner. If she stopped binge eating then its another form of self medication. But you can't scare her away from it or take it away from her as if she were a child. Her original psychiatric disabilities must be fully treated. Or she will replace it with something else. Approach her as a spouse. Not a caregiver. Then she'll respond better.