Bipolar Relationships

[SilentRage]

This might be a stupid question. But for those who have bipolar (like me) how are you able to have relationships. Me I have never been in one or in love, Just lust when those manic days hit and this cause me to try for a relationship for all the wrong reasons. So how are you able to do it.

[monkeyc]

My psychologist hates the word normal - I tell her I don't feel normal and she asks me to define normal and I have not yet ever been able to because normal is what works for you.

Coping skills vary, I know from where I sit I have good times and bad times and its often related to stress in my life.  Often its hard to see it coming and then when it hits you find yourself in the middle of a mess.

My wife and I have learned a lot along the way and one of the major things I cling to is the basic lesson any psych or therapist should tell you upon diagnosis - "Be true to yourself" - if you can be honest with yourself about who you are and how you feel every day then you can face just about anything I have found.

RE: Cowgirlnerd - Isnt Diagnosis a wonderful relief !  That moment of having an answer, of realising that you are not just 'Crazy' but that there is a reason for why you feel the way you feel is amazing - suddenly you have permission to admit to yourself that you are what you are inside.  Its a funny thing to have that and yes the drugs make such a difference - right before I had to finally admit i was Bipolar (couldnt run from it anymore) i was seriously manic, i had been cycling rapidly for months sometimes daily and sometimes more often and my mania was approaching pyschoses at times - I was terrifyingly paranoid and I know about jibber jabber trust me.  I was ironically working massive hours and achieving like no toomorow because I had all this energy..

I actually started Lithium and things did not change much, I have diverticulitis among other stomach and bowel issues and it turned out I was not absorbing so I was manic all the time.  Then I went and had surgery and 8 weeks leave.  I came back calm and in control and people didn't know what to think - It was so much fun.

Im glad to read what you wrote, Its how I feel most days though I cant kill the noise in my head, I still have the messy thoughts a lot but Ive learned to work with them and its not a problem as long as I sleep - I found my brain too flat when the meds killed all the thoughts in my head and decided with my psych that if thats healthy im staying a little unhealthy for now.

[cowgirlnerd]

Thank you so much!  Boy, somedays, I feel like a (my therapist says to quit saying this...) a NUT JOB!  It's been very much a relief to get the diagnosis finally, and also, scary.  I actually had a "friend" tell me that he thought the whole depression thing was just a pity party, and he didn't think that I had real issues because I was a typically upbeat person.  I told him - YEAH, because you only are ALLOWED to see me in the manic side - that sides WONDERFUL!  Needless to say, we don't talk much anymore.

I am the same way about not coping well with someone else going through hard times.  My sister was having some pity parties (she is the typical Middle Child - Marsha Marsha Marsha [Brady Bunch] type), and I just told her I couldn't deal with her things right now.  She was furious, but I decided that it's time to be a little selfish and take care of myself.

Yeah, I don't really look for anyone in a relationship.  I don't think I am anywhere ready for that - plus my REAL friends tell me that they will smack me if I get involved with anyone.. LOL.  I am trying to focus on things I have always wanted to do and figure out "who" I am and enjoy my kids and just be blessed by getting help.  PLUS, in the past, I have had a hard time letting go of past relationships - my exes say I am the best ex-girlfriend in the world - stay friends, etc. (not hard when you don't invest a lot of yourself into it...).

Anyway, I am RELIEVED that I have my diagnosis.  Dealing with the "quietness" I am experiencing - it's a lot different.  People around me are confused because I am not the jibber jabber of the manic person - they think I am mad..   One of my real friends told me the other day that he couldn't remember sitting and watching a movie with me without me talking talking talking or getting up and doing stuff the entire time.  I like the quiet (except for that wonderfully constant noise in my head - audio commentating or songs) that I have now.

Thanks again for the insight.  

:)
Rach

[bp13]

I was once asked , because I raised a question about not coping when someone else is going through tough times... especially the ones who are close to me. I wanted to know why my daughter does not accept that I may be feeling sick (cold/flu/headache,etc) but my son is the opposite he will make sure I am ok and will put a blanky on me and get me drink (so adorable) yet my daughter will demand more of me than normal..
Someone asked me if it was because in her eyes I am very important to her and she needs to know and see that I am ok and by demanding more from me rather than allowing me to rest and get better it assures her little mind that I will be here and nothing is wrong... Does this make sense?
So this made me think about it and I realised  that I too am similar, I need to know that the people I care about will still be here and they are ok and as soon as they are not I find I make matters worse by almost to the extreme of pushing them away...

You both will get through this and it sounds to me that your partner is a very special person and understands you quiet well... vice versa.  

Take care
bp13 xxx

[bp13]

After I got out of hospital I changed big time!
I was so scared of being my normal self (what is that anyway) and I became very quiet..
It has been 3years now since I have been in hospital and it is only now that I have come out of my shell. I am taking Valpro and zoloft... I too was diagnosed with depression for years and was only on zoloft...

Sometimes I stop and ask myself if I have wiped out the real me and If I will ever be able to cope without these meds.

Last year My doc and I tried to ween me off the valpro to see how I would go and all was ok for the first week or so and then I felt so much anxiety and decided to not come off it.  I hate the fact I am putting on so much weight due to the meds and I feel it slows me down..

I use to be ok chatting with people and meeting new people but now I become anxious and I feel I almost come across as a weird sort to other people.

I would love to come off  the valpro one day! I wonder if I am addicted to it psychologically and that is why I become anxious.... (who knows)

I often feel and friends have said to me that I have changed and that I am a lot more quieter than before, but my husband feels that I have become more stable and not so impulsive... I certainly miss my loud days but not the impact it had on my life.

Identity crisis? Yes, I fight with myself about who I really am and if these meds have taken over my personality...
One day you will be able to trust your attractions but you need to make sure that you are in a good place and trust the people around you that now you and your behavior and take some time out for you, don't concentrate on finding someone special, concentrate on what makes you feel special and start to enjoy the things you like to do or once like doing... The hardest part to that is doing it... yes BP is weird.

Take care
bp13 xxx

[cowgirlnerd]

Your comments are right on in so many ways - you help a lot of people.  

I know about the emotional thing - avoid it like the plague, myself.

I have been thinking about one thing a lot since diagnosis - since I have suffered with this in some way since childhood, been medicated for 20 years (half of my life) for depression instead of bi-polar, do I know what "personality" I have - what if the personality after treatment makes me someone I can't stand?  Is that stupid?  Since being on Lamactical for awhile, I am somber - quiet, people REALLY get on my nerves easy.

Has anyone had an identity crisis?  I wonder since I don't know this stuff, and also, how will I be able to trust my attractions to anyone or even know what interest I (the real me) will have?

BP is weird.

[monkeyc]

Simple answer is I am not coping, The reality is (and I am sure others out there are the same) that Im not good at dealing with other people being over emotional now - i shut down and thats hard on a wife so you try to be there but emotionally youre not if you see what I mean - its a hard thing because Ive found I do not control it, it just is.

Im just trying to stay sane and out of hospital right now and stop myself giving some of her family the mouthful they so deserve - it takes adults to really point out how mature small children are sometimes.

Every day is another day.  Thats my mantra in the end.