Bipolar Relationships

[SilentRage]

This might be a stupid question. But for those who have bipolar (like me) how are you able to have relationships. Me I have never been in one or in love, Just lust when those manic days hit and this cause me to try for a relationship for all the wrong reasons. So how are you able to do it.

[Phtartist]

Today I woke up and felt loving.  I have something to look forward to, it is my birthday, I love my birthday.  

I could not wait to get on Medhelp to read either yours or Monkey's response today. Many of your words hit me where I needed to hold me up and keep me bright.

I do live in my life now and work hard to live in the day.  I must not be doing a very good job of  living in the day.  I always say acceptance is the key.  I accept the bi polar diagnosis, I accept that I am a recovering alcoholic, for a grateful 15 years, I accept that I have Fibromyalgia, with distain. What has me so damned stressed is the disappointment of how I have let myself morph into how I am today.  Maybe despite those odds, I could have still been a model, but my activity was stolen from me. I'm having trouble accepting me. I'm ashamed of what I'm presenting at the wedding.  I could care less if the whisper is "oh my she is chunky" . The ones that love me don't care and understand, the ones that would say that I would not do tea with anyway. LOL

I think I need to see a therapist again.  These are issues to work out seriously with a mind doctor.

There is a Father Martin that does a series of "Chalk Talks"  and one of them is "Detach with Love".  This talk helped me detach from my family many years ago. I had to cut the perverbial umbilical cord because I was too dependant upon their opinions and demands.  Same as you they were affecting my husband and I by affecting me.

With the FM I have become so ill that I had to break away even further. Due to the illness I became mentally worse.  Physically I could not perform visiting rituals. Even though very difficult due to others balking.   These things all worked to free me from the bondage of others.  Christmas is still a tough one.  My sister in law has been asking me to do it, I'm the lesser of two evils, here.  We are the only one's in the family with houses.

It may sound strange but all these contributed to my learning more about me, than if I remained attached.  They facilitated my freedom.

Well, I think I will treasure the certain phrases that you wrote me today and print them for in my studio. They will remain private, simply the phrases, next to some manic paintings, LOL  hahaha.
Thank you.  

[bp13]

Hi Phtartist,
I can only answer what i know from my experience and that is stress for me triggers me off and I can become unwell.  I must remind myself when times are stressful that It will be alright and what is the worse thing that can happen (is it really worth stressing over) enjoy it instead and take it in as slowly as you need to, if I feel like I am going to become out of control, I will stop and talk to myself and calm myself down... I have made some real big changes to my life over the years and some involved family members who I have had to let go of and  focus on what is best now for my direct family, which is my husband and 2 kids.  I put so much stress on my marriage consistently complaining, blaming and going on about my family probs to my husband to the point it all got to him and he felt that I did not care about us and focused more on my issues with them.........
I look back  and I enjoy my life now than back then, I was so up and down and never knew what was wrong with me, When I had my daughter I ended up in hospital for months after, (psychotic episode)  which they put down to post natal depression psychosis. Once I became more stable they allowed my daughter to stay with me whilst in hospital... Eventually when we got out I had mood swings and so on but it wasn't till my daughter was 6 did I then have another psychotic episode which she witnessed along with my son who was 4yrs old at the time, I woke up in the hospital and felt my world had turned upside down and everyone else were wrong and mean.  That was when I was diagnosed with Bipolar..... Lucky for me I had been seeing a psychiatrist since I was 18 for depression and I continue to see her still... The funny thing is she never diagnosed me in all that time of seeing her and I felt cheated because how can a doctor who has only met me for such a short time be able to say "yep this is what you have" and my own Doc could not??? Because My Doc never saw that side to me and I have only had two psychotic episodes... But she always said to me in our sessions together that I am an extreme person, their is no middle for me, I am either one or the other, I never understood what she meant until now!!! Bipolar (one extreme to the other)  I now that she worked very careful with me and still does. I guess that is why she is the psychiatrist and I am the patient... I have learn' t how to control my bipolar and it is to make sure I am not stressed out and when I find I am, I need to stop and take in some breathing space from what ever it is that is making me feel this way, I must not blame anyone as I control how It effects me.  I know that I have really hurt people along the way and I would love to do  "my name is Earl" and write a list of all the people I have hurt or been really mean to and say "Sorry"  I reckon I would feel much lighter.... I Don't have answers for anyone and we are all different and what works for me may not work for the next person, I get that.. But I enjoy being positive and I know it helps me to stay focused and even though I wake up most mornings not wanting to do anything, I need to think of something even if its minor, I need to keep active as much as it is hard and I need to have a purpose....
My Job is such a challenge for me and I know that it is also a huge part of me staying well, I know it is important to be honest and what I wrote about meeting someone and not letting them know at first that you live with bipolar I still agree with that because there will come a time when that is needed to be said and that time is between those two people, not telling someone and marrying them is just plain crazy and certainly not going to work... But you know what??? Not one person at my work knows that I have this condition and I feel that there is no need to let them know, because if I do I know I will fall into a horrible place and start to use my condition as an excuse for not being the best I can.... I am also scared of peoples reaction and whether they will still talk to me the same or will I get the sack.... silly hey?

Well I am sure your daughters wedding will be lovely,this is a beautiful time for you all.. Stressful I am sure too. stay cool  and what ever the day brings whether it brings everything you planned or some surprises even hiccups make sure you enjoy every moment and remember this is her day!!!! Your very lucky to have a daughter who is getting married and she is lucky to have a mother like you who is their for her....

Take care
bp13 xxxx

[Phtartist]

I'm learning so much wisdom from both of you.  I've been alone in this illness since I was told I had it back in 1995.  I blamed it on alcohol withdrawel and the dr. not taking that into consideration.  Since then I have been on a roller coaster of meds some helping, some irritating, some depressing me.  Any new Psy. that I went to, who expressed that I was bi polar, I would beg to throw away my records and start from scratch since I was sober for awhile, years at times.

Long story, probably a familiar one, after recently reading in depth and accepting that the symptoms fit and its not just the switching of meds  but that the meds don't work, I am bi polar.  Which one, ?.  Does it matter ?  I knew I was because I was given Topamax for migraines and it is the most stable I have been in a long time.  Inside me.  I worked forever to know what a calm feeling felt like.  That in itself, was stressful.

I was thinking of you the minute I woke up this morning BP13.  I awoke and thought what are my inside like this morning.  I am pretty good today.  Yesterday I was cranky (a kind word) like you I ignored it and moved forward going out with my husband. I was kind biting my tongue and trying my best to be appropriate.  I hit my knee awful hard on a thick branch of a bush, which sent pain shock throughout my body. This I handled, even my husband laughing as he asked if I was alright. I was OK.  Later I showed him my leg through my pants and asked how he could laugh.  It was funny was his response.  I was in a better frame of mind by then.

I was fine until I was stagnant in the evening and I also felt his boredom.  I think I will start to write down these triggers.

Monkeyc, I read many of your comments prior to coming into this community, that is why I tried to connect here.  Thank you for your contributions.

Would you please answer my question that I asked in a previous post,  it is: Does stress bring on different forms of bi polar illness?  I was level for three years.

To explain - I have constant pain from FM, and my daughter is getting married in 4 weeks.

I feel the fright and flight feeling ofter and anxiety is often.  I know there is nothing to fear logically but my mind fights me on this logic.

[monkeyc]

Completely agree with you - I really worry when I see courses that promote having all the answers, it irritates me almost as much as the "healers" who claim you can cure bipolar if you follow their special diet/herbal plan/meditation routine.  You cant get all the answers from a book and no one can cure bipolar.

Don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with yoga, herbalists or anything else that works to help you but if ANYONE offers you a cure for bipolar run away - chances are theyre motivated by money and praying on people's gullibility.

Yes it takes a special person to live with bipolar but its also a 2 way street - I have to understand my wife is dealing with a lot as much as she has had to learn I am not always as much in control as I wish - right now my wife's father is dying of cancer and thats a hard thing for both of us but relationships are like that and they take work.

After years of counselling and knowing other mentally ill people I thing there are some simple relationship dont's - stay away from people who want to fix you, stay away from people who are more interested in the disease than the person, if someone seems too good to be true be carefull as often they can be and most of all be open, honest and yourself with people - I have a friend of mine who has BPII who hid it from her boyfriend until after they married and I watched it destroy the marriage - he didnt mind the disease but he could not get over her lying to him for 6 years - honesty is the only policy.

If someone cannot love you for what you are then to be frank from where I sit theyre not someone you want in your life.

[Phtartist]

I like when someone knows what they're talking about and cuts all the **** out.  

What you wrote me is exactly correct.  I guess, for me it is hard to see my brother and everyone else walk around her on eggshells.  She feels closest to me but close to her is six feet away with caution.  I get that.  

She did get treatment once, put herself in a mental hospital.  I went every day to their home and took care of their four kids.  Now, off proper meds, on Zoloft, she knows she is sick, she is not in denial she is bi polar. Her GP told her to see a psychiatrist for the right meds and therapy but she is afraid  to face the sexual abuse of her childhood in therapy, so she won't go.  I'm the only one who knows this. She swore me to secrecy.

Were not all the same, that is why I was interested in the mini course.

My cycles were not rapid for years. Just recently I noticed what you pointed out. I wake up not knowing what state I will be in.  I find I hate quickly, then feel warm and fuzzy an hour later.  That I would say is very fast cycling.  
Does stress bring on different forms of bi polar illness?  I was level for three years.

[Kimidawn]

Hi.  I haven't been diagnosed with bi polar but I do have sever depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder and other mental illness symptoms/problems.  I struggled with relationships for years and then I finally married my best friend who knew how screwed up I am and still wanted to make a life with me.  We are going on 15 years of marriage and it hasn't been all a cake walk but It is more good than bad and he is a wonderful man.  I believe there is someone out there for everyone and you can make it work if it's what you want.  Good Luck and God bless