Feeling so alone....:(

[jackstrap30]

Hey Everyone - I'm new here and looking to maybe see if I'm "really crazy"!  I was in a really weird relationship with a guy for 8.5 years - we were pretty much a couple - just never confirmed it - well 7 years ago I got pregnant, and with the pressure of him and my mom - I had an abortion(I was 23) It was a very hard thing for me to go through, and it's something I've never gotten over - and 2 years ago him and I split - and it all went downhill from there - I hit rock bottom - for the first time in years I was along to deal with my issue - and I didn't even think I had a problem - I was living in my own apartment - but due to the depression I lost my job, couldn't afford to live on my own anymore - and I lied to everyone about it - I was ashamed I couldn't do it - so instead of telling my friends the truth and what was goin on I lied - I got paraoid everyone was talking about me - and finally after a huge fight with my ex - I decided I NEEDED help - so I went to my dr, got on seroquel (which *****, and is ruining my life) I do however, feel a bit better - but I've lost all my friends - we were all bff's for sooo long - and they got fed up with my lies - and walked away - and it's like now I barely leave my house, I don't talk to anyone - I've pissed so many people off - and I just can't get it right - I feel so alone and that no one understands what I AM going through - it's always been about their feelings - Is there something more wrong with me???? even when I don't say anything- I get accused of lying - and I honestly don't have the strength for this anymore - I used to be the most social butterfly ever - I had an amazing group of friends - and now they are all married and starting families - and I'm 30, single and messed up :( Anyone have any advice? has anyone been there done that? will it get easier??? HELP!!!!!!

[tracy111111]

hi i too feel sometimes im going crazy every day is different but not a good way... racing thoughts, mind going very blank, cant concerate, cant focus, no intrest and feel strange sometimes.. not in reality or in a dream or detatched..... its a hard hard struggle but what keeps me going is that this is just a relaps and i got better befor and lived a great happy out going life for 5 years and it will come back again..... it will.

[rhudson123]

Hello sweetheart~

My name is Rosa, and I have Bipolar - I disorder.

My therapist tells me all the time, because I need the reminder, that all people with bipolar disorder - all over the world, and all through the ages - experience the same things.  (of course we don't all have ALL of the symptoms/experiences)

You are experiencing my exact situation when I was first diagnosed.  It was a mariage ending manic phase that started this terrible, enlightening journey.  I'm about 4 years ahead of you, and would be so happy to walk with you through it.  

Like I said, while our "life" details are different - I'm 44, re-married, with two daughters.  The mental health struggles are EXACTLY the same.  

I lost friends, I tried to manipulate the situation - AS A MEANS TO SURVIVE. JUST LIKE YOU! - and when I wasn't trying to manipulate, all my former friends, and family members, didnt' believe me.  

(Almost) everyone left. My world came crashing down.  The guilt was overwhelming, as was the sadness, terror, hopelessness, paranoia, anxiaty and panic.

I found an awesome counselor. I mean really awesome.  Was lucky enough to find good psychiatrists.  And then just learned how to deal with this thing that is an enormous part of me.

The tough part is mourning.  The loss of your baby - forgive yourself sweet girl. The loss of relationships - your ex, friends, possilby family members.  And most of all - mourning the loss of who and what you thought you could be.

It sounds so terribly bleak.  While it's so hard, it is not bleak.  You can have an AMAZING - fulfilling life.  You will find someone that, believe it or not, is willing to walk through this with you.  You will find new, REAL friends.

You have to look at your past and what you're going through- the good and bad - as a season.  This too shall pass.....

I'll share any details you would like, but right now, this is about you and your pain.

I would be honored to walk through this with you.

[jackstrap30]

It's me lol - I should clarify that after my abortion - I started to feel depressed, and I didn't do anything about it then - so thats why It got so bad - because I didn't even know what the heck was happenening to me - and whenever I did try to talk to my bff's - I was told she weren't my shrink - so I just stopped :( if your confused still - just ask :)