Do you forget everything?

[beautifulbritty712]

Oh and one more thing I wanted to ask- I read that people with BP1 don't remember most of their childhood because their moods are so up and down all the time. I know it makes sense and I forget a lot of what happens if I'm depressed or if I actually get manic. Everything seems like a blur. Actually a lot too if I am only hypomanic but more on the higher side. Does anyone else experience this? Like I have some good mamories and sometimes I remember a lot of details but hardly ever. Me and my boyfriend have fun all the time but I don't remember a lot we do- I remember when I first was medicated he was on vacation actually the next week and we hung out every day. My favorite mempry is when that week we went out of town for something and where we were going was closed so we drove around. That day he let me drive his car- a stick and I hardly know how to drive one. We drove past a farmers market so we decided to go walk around. There were little yellow lab puppies for sale and I wanted one so bad, then we went into the farmers store the market was in front of ( it was in a strip mall parking lot actually) and I am from the city so it was pretty exciting to me. There were bird feeders, hummingbird feeders, animal food. even horse saddles and whips! The whips were all different colors and some of the saddles were so pretty. I snapped at him a couple times with the whip then we went back outside. He had just bought his car so he didn't have a lot of money so we didn't buy much. We walked around and he bought me 5 green peppers so I could make stuffed green peppers, then he bought a bunch of radishes for himself. He gave me a mint out of his pocket and we went into the dollar store, where he bought a key chain that said us navy and he got me these fip flops that I had to have, even though he saud they would break, because they were pink and so pretty- they had like tropical designs on them and they did break like 2 days later. The dollar store was hooked to a book store and we looked at books for his kids but didnt buy anything because they were kind of expensive and we were broke. Oh and he got a diet coke and I got a raspberry iced tea. After this we went where we came to go and the line was so long we waited forever, then we went to my house and hung out all day untik he had to get his son from school. We were supposed to look for jobs that week- he wanted a new one and I finally felt stable enough to have one- but we mostly just looked in the newspaper and watched TV. And we watched the devils rejects. We drove to the west side to put in one app at a hot dog factory and called a few places in the paper and got one interview. We couldn't find the building even though it was like 3 mins from my house and we got there late. It was a group interview and they wouldn't tell us what the job was for over the phone so he sent me in to ask and a girl who had made fun of me in middle school was doing the interviews so I asked, it wasn't something he could do but I felt stupid just leaving so I filled out the app and talked to the girl anyway. I felt like a complete loser, being interviewed by someone I went to school with and who had teased mel. They said I was a possible candidate and to call back the next day but I never called and no longer felt stable enough to work. That was last spring, and the whole time I was on the meds I wasn't freaking out as much or hallucinating or hearing things but I could't bring myself to work until a coupole months ago and I stopped taking the meds and tarted feeling the slight mania again. Weird isn't it? Well my point is how can I remember all this but I can't remember details about most of my life? Even after that first couple weeks, after they started adding meds and adjusting I can't remember a lot. How can I miss so much of ly life? I must have had other great times like this but I can't remember them. There are whole months and years I remember nothing about except basically who I hung out with a lot and what we did. No details. Sometimes I can't even remember that much. I can remember having so much fun but I don't know what I did. When my bf asks what I spent all my money on in a day or two I can't even rememvber everything, and I have to think real hard to remember anything. I am not depressed at all right now I am very happy but I can't help wondering if life is worth it sometimes.... do I have some kind of amnesia? How can I love people when I cant even remember what makes me love them? Am I the only one like this? Do normal people have memories like I did that week? It seems like a lot of people can remember so much, like my sister ( my older sister not the younger). She always used to tease me for forgetting everything, other people too. Sometimes she still does and says I am stupid and I feel stupid. I just wish I could understand everything about this, I'm sorry for asking so many wuestions but I want to know rhis stuff so bad.

[beautifulbritty712]

If you repress emotional memories, can you repress happy memories as well as bad? I can remember just having so much fun, but not what I did that was so fun! I understand in my teens and up until now really I abused drugs and alcohol, but it doesn't make sense I don't remember my childhood.... Could I have been miserable? I don't even know.

[bastet56]

I remember my childhood for the most part and all the way to my 30's. They are not there as is most of my 40's. This was when I had major clinical depression and ECT. I can remember back to when I was 2 1/2. My boys do not remember much before being 4-5 so go figure.

[Xila31]

I notice that I have a tendancy to forget good or happy things and remember sad or bad things. It is really frustrating! I mean, it is important to remember sad or bad things and learn from them, but I want to remember happy things to. Now, I don't forget everything happy, but I have forgotten important things that would be helpful especially when I'm having a hard time.

[ILADVOCATE]

No you don't have amnesia but when a person has racing thoughts they can hardly concentrate on things. Also repressing emotional memories is very common in bipolar. I started a thread on it a while back and a lot of people did answer that.