Advice

[laurend871]

Hi,

My partner is bipolar we are about to have our first child and he is struggling a lot lately and I worry about him and wish there was more I could do to help him but he just feels that nobody understands him or how he feels. Any suggestions on how to be help him? be more supportive of him? I know I can't feel what he is feeling but I love him with all my heart. He is also very worried that because he has this condition he is not going to feel emotionally connected to our child.. does anyone else have a partner with this and children? or are bipolar themselves and have children?

Any advice would be great

[Xila31]

I am bipolar and I have 2 kids. I love having children. I love being a mom! I love my kids so much! I feel incredibly connected to them. Being bipolar does not diminish the ability to love.

I say the number one thing in supporting with someone with bipolar is to listen to how their feeling when they talk, and validate what they say. If he says he's feeling manic, believe him. If he says he is depressed, believe him. If he says, "I didn't mow the lawn because I'm depressed" then don't fly off the handle and tell him he's lazy, because when you're depressed it's hard to get things done. And tell him thank you and show love when he can do things. Observe their behavior. You can tell when things are not right. For example, I get detatched and I don't mean to. Someone will say, "I feel really sick, I'm in a lot of pain," and I'll say "Do you think this shirt looks good on me?" That makes the person angry because they think I don't care. That's not true. :( When things like that happens it means I'm racing so fast I can't connect to what they're saying and my mind has already raced to the next thing, andI don't mean for it. That's one big thing that can cause problems.

Also with kids the constant "Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom" if I'm not well, that can drive me up a wall (as it would normal people,) and it can get snippy and not mean it. But, to recognize when I'm not well and to communicate that is important. Also to learn to be in tune with the fact that I'm not well helps me internally. But being able to admit it to myself is the first step, then admit it to my husband, like a head's up.

Because he is a man, do expect him to be more detatched anyway. Men are often more detatched, I've noticed, regardless of bipolar. Until the child is older, that's when dad's get closer. Baby is more of a mommy thing, but you never know, some men are really good with babies, too.

[adel_ezz]

one thing about BP is that the person doesn't like new situations, like incoming christmas, going to the church, seasonal changes, social events, so having a child is a new responsibility which can bring stress. once he sees the baby he will not react badly on the contrary he will feel emotional and will love him

[Athena_M]

I have bipolar and my husband has depression.  Having children is so much fun.  I think your husband will feel so much joy having a child.  Maybe he can try a support group and find others that will be understanding.  

[paranoid_cataclysm]

I don't know how my dad would of been because I never met him and never will be able to but the rest of my family with bipolar disorder seems to be more passionate about each other (especially with arguments) than the family members without it.  Being supportive also always helps.  I think the only thing you can really do is be supportive of him.  It sounds like the stress of having a child may be coming to him with you mentioning he's struggling a lot more lately but this is completely normal from what I hear.