Loneliness with BP

[Tyzer33]

I dont know if any of you experience this same thing but why is it that BP makes you feel so lonely a lot of the time? I find myself starring into space somethimes watching other people walk round me and I feel as if im not there. Its as if im a ghost and i could just blow away in the wind, often enough i wish i would just blow away. Some days i just cant take the struggle and ive no energy or desire to fight with myself. You seem to have to spend alot of time in your own head with having BP trying to challenge the negative and suicidal thoughts etc. I feel like such an outsider from normal society and its made worse by people abandoning me since ive been sick, its really great when you get kicked when your down isnt it.

[Barribjorn]

Tyzer, I have made it to 34 and the battles can go on and on. When I was in my 20's I battled suicidal thoughts, but more importantly I battle the self destructive behavior. There is hope and peace, and sometimes it is a breif respite.

We dance the narrow edge of sanity skirting  the abyss looms wide and open. The chaos that fills it like a cauldron is the fuel to the madness....  

[determined2beatit]

Walking through hell just to get to heaven! My God when I read that I was astounded!! Somebody feels the way I do!!
Isn't that the truth!! How long until it's over and we are finally happy and at peace. I get very tired of pretending11 You are soooo very right my friend!

[RubyShooz]

Oh, please please stop harming yourself.  Bipolar does enough harm to us with the thoughts, emotions, loneliness, etc.  Don't add to your pain by cutting yourself -- you deserve better than that.  Try to learn to love yourself.  We all have our own demons to fight and we all are hurting.  But please stop hurting yourself physically -- that is not the answer.  Know that we are here for you and come to these message boards whenever you feel the urge to hurt yourself.  We will give you all the love and support we can.
Hugs,
Ruby

[Tyzer33]

Thanks all of you for replying to my post its good to at least be able to talk with people who actually understand the battles we fight minute by minute,hour by hour and day by day. I have found myself resorting to self harm a lot when i cant fight the thoughts, its like a lesser of two evils i do it keep the suicidal thoughts out and keep me from acting on them. Its not much fun when a stanley blade is the only way to keep yourself alive and the only way to clear my head of the intense thoughts. I just feel so tired of this it would be nice just to go to sleep and not wake up again, its like im walking through hell just to get to heaven.

[determined2beatit]

I get that way also. I think it's because really no one you see seems to go through what I am. I mean people have problems but do they fight with their thoughts and feelings as much as we do? Sometimes when I'm in a bad state I feel like I don't belong in society. I pretend to go through the motions but feel pain inside.I can;t connect because I'm so absorbed in my emotions. I hate it! Life sometimes is such an effort, a struggle that saddens me.Some days I just can't fight the fight.That's when I disconnect from everything and feel alone. You're right about people though a lot of times they do distance themselves when you're down and need them the most.I do think we would all be able to enjoy life and think happy thoughts ect. but BIPOLAR won't allow it!!

[RubyShooz]

I'm lonely too, wherever I am, whatever I do, even when I'm with people.  Like I'm locked up in my own little world with my own demons and bad thoughts.  Why can't I just be thankful for the good things in my life and enjoy life like other people seem to do?