Aa
nothing to do with chiari but need to vent.....
Fiance moved out last night. I found the last naked women site on his phone. And its normal girls you can email. I'm very against this. I bellieve when u are with someone, especially someone u ask to marry, u shouldn't be seeking other nude women to look at. It makes me feel unworthy, not enough and disrespected. It hurts so bad...he was my best friend, my soul mate, my everything. God tell me how to cope with this? On top of chiari the emotions I have r causing major flare up. I'm soo disgusted. He made me feel like I'm not good enough to look at. If your single than this stuff is fine but we were engaged. I am so broken, he lied about it everytime to. He said he would change but my trust and belief is long gone. I am in desperate need of words of encouragement or something. He was my everything.
Best Answer
Sorry to hear about all of this going on in your life, but I'm very proud of you and your decision. I know you have dealt with this in the past, and we can only try to understand it so much. I have been absent on here so I didn't know you were going through this. I know that after going through all that you have the end result will make you a stronger person. You deserve the best and as a Charian and just recovering from surgery will now be the time to built yourself and your life up again. You are such a strong and loving person and I know you will find the answers in your heart. I apologize once again for not being on here for support, but know you are in my heart each and every day. Wishing you a better day.
Linda :)
Linda :)
Hi, I don't want to sound rude here. But I do not agree with you. My man wants to marry me than I am the only woman he should see. He's not single. I don't need it, wont put up with it and I am better than that. As for needing it for his own needs, than he should be lookin at numerous dif pics of me he had in naughty poses, not any others.
Sorry and nice to meet you. Hope u r feeling well, hugs Dana
Sorry and nice to meet you. Hope u r feeling well, hugs Dana
Selma and cw- u two related? Lol. U both have the kindest most understandin, loving hearts!! I am so appreciative of u both. I feel so much better knowing I have 2 wonderful friends lke u both. I love u guys. Thank you both for everything. And I sure hope u both are feeling well. I just wanted yas to know how important u both are to me. Big gentle hugs my dears, love dana
This has been a very interesting thread, and I'm glad that I stuck to my NOMB position.
I'm 61, old, on 2nd marriage, & My DH is on the computer 5 nights/wk & all weekend long. (&since broken leg, 24/7). His obsession is track & field. My *joke* is that he's looking at porn; that I could understand! Imagine being down the list of importance from compiling NC high school track statistics!
I'd rather look at beautiful women *with* him; we could play "fake or real".
EVERY day, 5x/day, for the last month, I have had to ask him to throw the ball for the OCD dog. His arms aren't broken! I feel--what's the word?--oh yeah, murderous.
Dana,best of luck to you, whatever you decide; these relationships aint easy. Maybe it's best not to make any decisions at all until you feel better.
(disclosure: I think porn is gross & degrading to women; I think naked bodies are what they are).
Viv
I'm 61, old, on 2nd marriage, & My DH is on the computer 5 nights/wk & all weekend long. (&since broken leg, 24/7). His obsession is track & field. My *joke* is that he's looking at porn; that I could understand! Imagine being down the list of importance from compiling NC high school track statistics!
I'd rather look at beautiful women *with* him; we could play "fake or real".
EVERY day, 5x/day, for the last month, I have had to ask him to throw the ball for the OCD dog. His arms aren't broken! I feel--what's the word?--oh yeah, murderous.
Dana,best of luck to you, whatever you decide; these relationships aint easy. Maybe it's best not to make any decisions at all until you feel better.
(disclosure: I think porn is gross & degrading to women; I think naked bodies are what they are).
Viv
I just joined, and I don't want to overstep, but I can understand where you are coming from, and would like to offer support. While I have been dealing with all these medical problems, I found a text message on my husband's phone making plans to meet up with a female friend that although he swears it is innocent, I don't believe him. I am so heartbroken and I can completely understand how you would feel so betrayed. I kept telling myself that with everything I am going through, this is the last thing I need on top of it, Please feel free to contact me, if you need to talk.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi and welcome to the Chiari forum.
I am sure since u r new, and have not joined this forum u may not have Chiari or know all that our friend has been thru and yes, I advised her the same thing the first time round , but this is her second brain surgery and had no support from him and has this to contend with...she needs less stress in order to recover from this surgery...not more...I can appreciate ur thoughts, but she did try and did overlook or tried to...but she has to think of herself and eliminate the stress and this is one bone of contention....thanks for ur thoughtful insight.....just wanted to share more of what has been going on with our friend : )
P.s. not trying to be a b*tch. Just saying finding a man who doesn't EVER look at other women is going to be like trying to find an ethical politician. I mean how many women here went and saw or rented Magic Mike or enjoy a little flirtation. Ignore it maybe, but you'd be a straight up liar if you said you weren't a tiny bit flattered! Hate to see a relationship end that once made you happy because of one little thing. I've been married 7 years and with my husband 12. I think you should have an open, honest...no judgments talk about this with him. Imagine...and other married women can probably understand....imagine all that you're going through. Chiari is awful and I know more days then not I'm NOT exactly in the "mood". Maybe he uses it to do his "business"! If you want to be in ANY kind of long term relationship the goal is to not judge and accept the things about the other person you don't like, because everything else makes the bad worthwhile! If you can sit here and say that all the good in your relationship doesn't out weigh the bad then yes...by all means walk away! But if he really is your best friend, soul mate, and your everything....is he worth throwing away because YOU have confidence issues that makes YOU feel like you're not worth looking at? Thats all I'm saying. And again....I meant no disrespect! Just a happily married woman who knows the give and take that makes a relationship successful trying to give you advice!
Men look at porn. It's a fact of life. You need to work on your own self-esteem! Love yourself. Know he loves you enough to propose. If he was so wonderful that he was your best friend, your everything I'm going to wager a guess that he made you happy. Is your own insecurity going to stop you from accepting that 90% of the male population like to look at porn, naked women, magazines, videos, websites, etc and ruining your relationship w/a guy you seem to love and obviously loves you? Don't blame him. We all have flaws and imperfections. Accept yourself and love yourself. You're throwing away happiness because of what? Seriously think about it!
Selma- I started gettin bad headache last night, bam it soon started raining. I could be the weather girl lol. Pt this afternoon, hoping it helps some. Hope u feel better soon to. Rest and relax. I'm tryin. Missin my kitty patch, just dropped him to vet to be neutered :( he cried.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well Dana...having a few odd pains, feel rain a coming,,,...lol.......
Next time go with a damp head....and let them add water with a spray bottle...no bending of ne kind....no worth it...
Selma- bent over the sink a little only as much as I could. I know never to lean back. Nor look straight up. Dr oro had a talk with me about it with the plate being there, it could hurt me. Thank you sweetie. How are you feeling?!
I am happy you get to spend the day with your Grandma on her birthday! There is always a special place in a girls heart for her Grandma!! Glad you are getting stronger! Hoping you are having a GREAT DAY!!
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi...so glad u r doing better....and I knew u were strong enuff to handle the personal stuff cuz u r tackling the chiari stuff like a pro : )
When u went to the Hair dresser did u lean back to have ur hair washed? U should wash ur hair b4 u go and have them just spray ur hair with water when u get there...do not use the wash sinks....
Aww, glad u r celebrating with ur gma.....hope she has a happy day : )
Tell your gma Happy Birthday!!!!! I'm so glad you're staying strong and doing for yourself! Gma's always have a way of making things a little better! I know mine did! :) Your a very strong and very special young woman and I am proud to call you my friend! I'm here for you anytime you need me sweetie! Stay strong and if you need a shoulder to cry on I'm here! I'll even cry with you if you need that too! That's what friends are for! :) ((((HUGS))))
I know that time is the key to this issue.and being in a relation u dont feel good at all and dont get support is definetly worse than being on ur own.thanks for ur update....yes u are so much stronger than u think.hugs
Going to spend time with family today. My gma turned 85. Going ti celebrate with her today. I am doin better each day and starting to feel a lil like me again. I am strong. Iwent to get my hair done fri, tho it gave me a headache, it was to soon. Amazing how good it makes me feel tho. I'm movin on. And I know I will be ok and down the road I will be great, besides the health issues.I love you all for your sweet, kind, caring words. Thank you. Hope you are having a better day?!
Dana,
Just checking in on you. Hoping You are standing firm. Life is hard, but in end the survivors smile as they see the rewards for their efforts,
Today is a new day, throughout the day may your goal be to remember 'Who' you are as a person.
A smile and laugh today leaves serotonin at bay!
CW
Just checking in on you. Hoping You are standing firm. Life is hard, but in end the survivors smile as they see the rewards for their efforts,
Today is a new day, throughout the day may your goal be to remember 'Who' you are as a person.
A smile and laugh today leaves serotonin at bay!
CW
Beautiful things will happen in your life when you distance yourself from the negative things :)
I am so sorry to hear you are in such pain, Dana. I cannot imagine how exhausted you must feel right now on top of everything else.
One day when your eyes run out of tears, reach within and find your incredible strength that has been there through all your other trials. You decided to have another surgery and it has given you yet another chance at a better life. Decide to do something wonderful with it no matter how small or large. You knew you were deserving of another chance, perhaps you can understand you are deserving of all the happiness you can imagine, too. Hold onto those thoughts of hope and let them take you where you want to be in life.
One day when your eyes run out of tears, reach within and find your incredible strength that has been there through all your other trials. You decided to have another surgery and it has given you yet another chance at a better life. Decide to do something wonderful with it no matter how small or large. You knew you were deserving of another chance, perhaps you can understand you are deserving of all the happiness you can imagine, too. Hold onto those thoughts of hope and let them take you where you want to be in life.
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But, Dana has tried way more than most to make things work out.
That said, no offense intended here. However, saying 'Men look at porn' is like saying 'Women are vain' kind of a blanket statement. I know Women who are very vain, also know many men who do not nor have they ever looked at or desired to look at Porn. When a man or woman has their head on right and are focused on their mate the very thought of looking at porn is disgusting period. I am one of those men, my wife is and always has been all I need or want.
Dana, Stick to your guns. You have a right to a clean conscience and to your own personality. IMO - you've done nothing wrong here. You have way more important things in your life to deal with right now and do not need this kind of stress weighing in on you.
CW