so....i met with the good dr. today. after waiting for several hours in an uncomfortable waiting room chair (and missing lunch i might add) i was finally called into a room....where i wait some more. then at last, the moment of truth has arrived! there is a soft knock at the door and in walks a tall, slender man with a kind smile and gentle eyes. we shake hands and get right down to business. so, tell me ms harris, why are you here? what are your symptom? also not one to waste time, i reach into the depths of the thing i carry around called a purse and pull out........ THE LIST. yes, that's right. i did it. i pulled out the list. and as i pulled it out of my purse, i smiled a somewhat shy little smile and said well, i wrote them all down so i wouldn't forget anything. i have a strong tendency to do that...you know, forget things? the good dr. looked at me with eyes that had the faintest hint of amusement in them....or maybe it was boredom. i'm not really sure. you made a list he said? yes, i did, i said, then proceeded to read off my symptoms, one by one. every once in a while, he would briskly write something on his note pad. occasionally, i would insert an explative to elaborate on something. his eyes never waivered as he gazed at me with those soft brown eyes of his. then, as i told him about the problem with my eyes that has plagued me in recent weeks, i showed him the pictures. he looked at them, then at me with an expression that said...you're kidding me, right? after that, he did not write anything else in his good book. when i finished my list, i started to tell him about some specific things that were happening in recent days. when i looked up, i immediately stopped talking. the good dr. was no longe listening. good girl that i am, i stopped talking and said, opps. guess i've left the symptoms page and gone straight into a day in my life, huh? yes, said he,. you have. would you sit on the table please? oh, ok, said i. the good dr. then checked my reflexes on my elbows, wrists and knees. he asked me to hold my hands in front of me, palms up and close my eyes. he then touched my pointer finger on each hand, each time telling me to touch my nose with that finger. he asked my to lean my head back, then forward. he then told me to sit back in the chair. well, he said, you do have chiaris. that can be seen on your xrays. but your symptoms are "none specific". ????????? i'm sorry, i said as a look of sheer disbelief crossed my face? i don't understand what you're saying. i don't know if you are a candidate for surgery, he said, but i would like to do another mri. it won't involve any ivs or anything like that. it's just like a regular mri, only they will "tweek" the machine in a special way to better see the flow of spinal fluid in your brain. oh! i said. you mean a cine mri? with a surprised look on his face he exclaimed, yes! that is the name of the test. that woud be fine, i said...can we do it today? with an amused expression he replyed, no. that is simply not possible. my office will schedule the app for you and will notify you of the date and time. i see. well, thank you, dr. without further adeu, the good dr. shook my hand once again and left me alone in the room to pack up my xrays, (which he never looked at , but he did browse the reports) photos, reports, hopes and dismay. which i did rather briskly and departed his office.
so, is the glass 1/2 empty or is it 1/2 full? on the one hand, i did not get the validation i so desperatly seek. however, on the other hand, he did order a cine mri of my brain. granted, it is not a full spinal mri i had hoped for, nor does it include contrast. but alas, it is one step closer. maybe. not to a cure, but we all know that. but maybe...just maybe....one step closer to relief.