Hello,
My 12 y-o step son comes to me at intervals of 5-15 minutes wanting a hug. He has the same behavior with his dad. Here's a quick breakdown of the history. He was neglected and his 3 older sisters molested while my husband was deployed numerous times during his military career. My husband has custody of all four children. Their mom still has visitation. She had a good lawyer, wormed out of serious trouble with claims of ignorance. I have three children, and have custody. We have six who live with us. Their ages are 18, 16, 15, 14, 12, 11. My step-son, the 12 year old, has always been a very needy child. I had no idea how needy until we blended our families, and found that he wants to hug either dad or I, or sit on our laps, or sit cuddled up to us at pretty much all times. When he is told to do chores, he has to hug before he starts, and then hug after each task in a chore he completes successfully. Its not just a quick, arm-over-the-shoulder-squeeze, and then move on to work, but he has to have us envelop us, and he will squeeze and release and squeeze, and stand there or sit there and stay until one has to say, "OK, that's enough..." And I guess this behavior is one thing within his home family, but even the first time he met my sister, he just plopped into her lap, threw his arms around her, and had to hold her like that for 5 or 10 minutes. It is troubling at home too, because he isn't the only child here. We are trying to care for and maintain a home for 6 children, plus ourselves. But if we don't stop to hold him as along as he wants as often as he wants, then he gets all hurt and will even break down and cry about it. He's a great kid, a BIG kid-- he's almost 5'8" and he weighs a good 170lbs.--he's in great physical health. I can understand how he might react this way from the years of manipulation and neglect, but I want to help him to grow past this very young-child need for constant parental comforting and reassurance. It seems like he should have learned the self-comforting skill a long time ago. Any suggestions??