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Desperate for help with 7 yr. old boy's contant urination problem
I am desperate for help with my 7 1/2 yr. old step Son who has a lot of issues, but the main one being he is still wetting the bed, on average of 3-5 times a week, and he pee's his pants around 4 times a week. We took him to the pediatrician who said he is fine, we then went for X-rays, they were negative. He had an ultrasound done, it was normal. Urologist appt. said he was normal. There is NO physical reason for this. We tried rewarding when dry, didn't work. We tried grounding him, didn't work. We took away tv/computer, didn't work. We have him clean up the sheets and soiled clothes, doesn't bother him.. He has been wearing pull ups for months now, still pee's in them. We tried taking the power away from him, and we totally ignored the issue for 7 days once, and told him if he pee'd, it was up to him to "fix" the issue. He pee'd 8 times, bed and on himself in those 7 days, and NOT ONCE did he opt to shower, wash his sheets, or his clothes. Instead he stayed in his soiled clothes, and went outside to play. We told him you cannot sit on the furniture UNTIL YOU ARE CLEAN, he was fine with sitting on the floor!! What else can we do? he's going to be 8 in 3 months, I'm pretty sure he's the only one in his 2nd grade class still wearing diapers! He barely knows how to tie his shoes, he still puts his clothes on backwards, and inside out, he refuses to take any pride in his appearance, even though we've told him, time and time again to "brush your teeth, put lotion on because you look very dry (he's african american, and has VERY dry skin), put your clothes on right, tie your shoes, WASH YOURSELF if you pee on yourself". When we ask him questions about why he is behaving the way he does, he just stands there and blinks repeatedly at you, and just says "I don't know". We are SO frustrated with this whole situation, and don't know what else to do.
Children are repetitive ... thats not abnormal .what does his Dad think about him and his behavior,could I ask if he is on the same page as you regarding his child ?
Thank you to everyone who responded to my post, I appreciate it! I went back and read what I wrote, and I think I was venting more than anything, because we've been going through so much with him for 2 years now, and we're just frustrated, and we also have an 8 week old baby, and a 2 1/2 year old, so at times I feel very overwhelmed.
To makes things more clear, let me say this:
My step Son came to live with us in 2009, we won full custody of him in January of 2009, he USED to live in Baltimore with his Aunt. His biological Mother used to stay with the little boy at their Aunts house, but she was rarely there, she always left him and never payed him any attention, she was this way with him since his birth. My husband, his Dad, was in the Navy and out to sea for the first 4 years of his life, seeing him occasionally, until we got full custody of course. Since his move to Florida with us, his Mother has chosen to not be a part of his life, she calls him every 4-6 months or so, that's it!
There's a long list of behavior issues with him that we've experienced, such as:
*Extremely clingy, to the point of it feeling suffocating
*Excessive chatter, overly charming and "fake" seeming
*Control issues
*He has trouble relating to kids his own age, he does not seem to know "how" to play? if that makes sense?
*Very odd eating habits, yesterday it took him from 1:10pm until 4:15pm to eat a bowl of mac n cheese!
*It took us about 6 months to get him to brush his teeth, with out supervision
*We tell him daily to check himself when he gets dressed, to make sure things are on right, not backwards, inside out, etc..and have been telling him this, daily, for 2 years, but still he does not do it.
*As for his shoes, it's even became a problem at school because they have sent notes home about it, asking us to teach him to tie his shoes because it's disrupting class, and we have spent HOURS on this, he'll do it fine, but were still can't get him to do it right when he gets ready for school.
*He shows zero interest in really anything, the only thing he seems to be interested in is cartoons, we are now limiting how much tv time he can have, in hopes he'll develop a hobby. He does not like any sports either, which is fine, I'm just stating a fact is all.
*He has a very hard time making conversation about anything of importance, instead he'll come up to you and say "Last year, in May, we had pizza", and then he'll walk away! just really random things like that.
*He has a very hard time telling the truth, he lies a lot, and in our home, we don't tolerate lying, we've told him if he tells the truth, he will not be punished, but he continues to lie, and his lies almost got him into trouble because last week our neighbor asked him if he wanted to come swiming at their house, in an underground, DEEP pool, and she asked him if he knew how to swim, he told her YES. Thank God she told him to come get permission first, otherwise he was going to hop in that pool and pretend to know how to swim, with out his vest etc. He could have drown, and they could have been held responsible because it happened at their house!
*When you ask him questions he will stare at you, blankly, and just blink, a lot. He can't answer questions at all, yet he talks NON stop most times.
*We took him to Sea World, and Disney World for his birthday last year, and he complained the whole time! saying things like "when are we going back to the hotel? I need to rest my legs" and "when are we leaving? I'm hot", and he said this only 10 minutes into being at Disney World...DISNEY WORLD! We were so confused!
*He always states the obvious, for example he'll see his Daddy's car in the drive way, and he'll say, "That's Daddy's car, it's a Toyota" and he'll say this like 5 or so times in like 2 months! Like his thoughts are just very random.
As for the peeing issue, I said all I have to say about that, we have tried rewarding him, loving him, yes, punishing him, not making it an issue, but nothing has helped. Even his pediatrician things he is too old to be peeing his pants while awake, and as often as he does it, we know boys have issues with bed wetting, sometimes until they are 10-12, we know this.
So, I hope this sheds more light? it's hard to put it all in writing.
To makes things more clear, let me say this:
My step Son came to live with us in 2009, we won full custody of him in January of 2009, he USED to live in Baltimore with his Aunt. His biological Mother used to stay with the little boy at their Aunts house, but she was rarely there, she always left him and never payed him any attention, she was this way with him since his birth. My husband, his Dad, was in the Navy and out to sea for the first 4 years of his life, seeing him occasionally, until we got full custody of course. Since his move to Florida with us, his Mother has chosen to not be a part of his life, she calls him every 4-6 months or so, that's it!
There's a long list of behavior issues with him that we've experienced, such as:
*Extremely clingy, to the point of it feeling suffocating
*Excessive chatter, overly charming and "fake" seeming
*Control issues
*He has trouble relating to kids his own age, he does not seem to know "how" to play? if that makes sense?
*Very odd eating habits, yesterday it took him from 1:10pm until 4:15pm to eat a bowl of mac n cheese!
*It took us about 6 months to get him to brush his teeth, with out supervision
*We tell him daily to check himself when he gets dressed, to make sure things are on right, not backwards, inside out, etc..and have been telling him this, daily, for 2 years, but still he does not do it.
*As for his shoes, it's even became a problem at school because they have sent notes home about it, asking us to teach him to tie his shoes because it's disrupting class, and we have spent HOURS on this, he'll do it fine, but were still can't get him to do it right when he gets ready for school.
*He shows zero interest in really anything, the only thing he seems to be interested in is cartoons, we are now limiting how much tv time he can have, in hopes he'll develop a hobby. He does not like any sports either, which is fine, I'm just stating a fact is all.
*He has a very hard time making conversation about anything of importance, instead he'll come up to you and say "Last year, in May, we had pizza", and then he'll walk away! just really random things like that.
*He has a very hard time telling the truth, he lies a lot, and in our home, we don't tolerate lying, we've told him if he tells the truth, he will not be punished, but he continues to lie, and his lies almost got him into trouble because last week our neighbor asked him if he wanted to come swiming at their house, in an underground, DEEP pool, and she asked him if he knew how to swim, he told her YES. Thank God she told him to come get permission first, otherwise he was going to hop in that pool and pretend to know how to swim, with out his vest etc. He could have drown, and they could have been held responsible because it happened at their house!
*When you ask him questions he will stare at you, blankly, and just blink, a lot. He can't answer questions at all, yet he talks NON stop most times.
*We took him to Sea World, and Disney World for his birthday last year, and he complained the whole time! saying things like "when are we going back to the hotel? I need to rest my legs" and "when are we leaving? I'm hot", and he said this only 10 minutes into being at Disney World...DISNEY WORLD! We were so confused!
*He always states the obvious, for example he'll see his Daddy's car in the drive way, and he'll say, "That's Daddy's car, it's a Toyota" and he'll say this like 5 or so times in like 2 months! Like his thoughts are just very random.
As for the peeing issue, I said all I have to say about that, we have tried rewarding him, loving him, yes, punishing him, not making it an issue, but nothing has helped. Even his pediatrician things he is too old to be peeing his pants while awake, and as often as he does it, we know boys have issues with bed wetting, sometimes until they are 10-12, we know this.
So, I hope this sheds more light? it's hard to put it all in writing.
Statistically, 12% of boys have night time urination until age 8 or 9. If a child is a heavy sleeper, this is quite common!
You've received really excellent advice here and comments. I agree 100%. No child WANTS to do this and as parents (step or otherwise) - we have to make sure we aren't doing damage to our kid's psyche. Help him . . . don't look at it as what a pain it is to you. He is going to feel worthless and inadequate and humiliated and that helps nothing.
To be honest, I'm feeling sad for this little boy. I'm curious as well-------- is he with you full time and not with his mother at all? He may be sad in general over his parents break up and where he stands in the family. And if he can't live with mom which is normal in most situations, that makes me wonder about his early childhood.
Anyway, you are now his caretaker and that is best done with patience and love. I hope he gets plenty of that too! Guide him gently and you'll get him there.
You've received really excellent advice here and comments. I agree 100%. No child WANTS to do this and as parents (step or otherwise) - we have to make sure we aren't doing damage to our kid's psyche. Help him . . . don't look at it as what a pain it is to you. He is going to feel worthless and inadequate and humiliated and that helps nothing.
To be honest, I'm feeling sad for this little boy. I'm curious as well-------- is he with you full time and not with his mother at all? He may be sad in general over his parents break up and where he stands in the family. And if he can't live with mom which is normal in most situations, that makes me wonder about his early childhood.
Anyway, you are now his caretaker and that is best done with patience and love. I hope he gets plenty of that too! Guide him gently and you'll get him there.
This child needs help all this punishment is not helping him ,in fact in my opinion it is hurting him, causing anxiety, .what does the other parent/father say about it, also does he see his other bio family?..
Suzi, this isn't that unusual for a 7 year old boy, at all.
What is unusual is your approach to it.
If he's in a school with a 60 or so 7 year olds, there will be other boys who are doing all this, the difference is their mothers guide them through it. They don't put them in diapers, they provide a lot of warnings about when to use the bathroom, they give the school nurse an extra outfit, etc. They "walk" them to the bathroom at midnight. They make sure the child has bathed and has clean clothes and clean sheets.
It sounds like he might have ADD, and he really doesn't notice when he has to go, and also it's hard for him to figure out whether his clothes are on inside out or backwards, and it's not that unusual that kids that age can't tie their shoes - or that they refuse to keep them tied. That's why they have velcro shoes, and slip on shoes, and mothers double knot them so they don't come untied.
He needs support and help, not belittling criticism.
What is unusual is your approach to it.
If he's in a school with a 60 or so 7 year olds, there will be other boys who are doing all this, the difference is their mothers guide them through it. They don't put them in diapers, they provide a lot of warnings about when to use the bathroom, they give the school nurse an extra outfit, etc. They "walk" them to the bathroom at midnight. They make sure the child has bathed and has clean clothes and clean sheets.
It sounds like he might have ADD, and he really doesn't notice when he has to go, and also it's hard for him to figure out whether his clothes are on inside out or backwards, and it's not that unusual that kids that age can't tie their shoes - or that they refuse to keep them tied. That's why they have velcro shoes, and slip on shoes, and mothers double knot them so they don't come untied.
He needs support and help, not belittling criticism.
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