does my 8 yr old have feelings

[jennie10]

my 8 yr old is very defiant and he seems not to care about whos feelings he hurts when he is upset and is just plain mean. some times i think "is this my son", and this happens everyday and somtimes more than once. what do i do, it seems like i have control and don't want to lose hope.

[abby2424]

hi jennie i am wrighting to you because at one point i was going throw what u are going throw now i have an nine year old lil girl she my brother daughtry i got her when she was 7 and i notice that she will say think to  people to hurt then and i dident no y even if the person was doing somthing nice for her she would still be mean to then so i put her in to therapy and they evaluate her and it should that she been throw alot of stuff in her *** so when she like that and being mean to other i punish her and most of the time it dident work so one day i took the most thing she care about and it was her baer and her picture and shocking it work so my advice to you is to take the most thing he love a  book a bare or anything and tell him when he a good boy he will get it back it work for me good luck

[Sandman2]

  I don't believe that children of this age have a lot of control over what they are saying when they are upset.  As they get older, they will have more control and can/say things that are very hurtful or to get their way.  Don't worry about whose feelings he hurts when he is upset.  He is upset because he hasn't gotten his way and to give in to that will just make it worse.  I am not real big on taking away things at this age.  A lot of kids just won't care.  An immediate, consistent timeout works the best.  Get the book,  "SOS Help for Parents," by Lynn Clark.  It will give you a very good system for dealing with this problem.
   By the way, if he is just being mean - the same system will work.  But you also need to work with him when he is not upset on being nicer.  Trying to teach that during or after discipline is usually not very successful at this age.  Also try to analyze who he is being mean to.  There usually is a reason.  Best wishes.