3 yr old Behavior Normal or Not

[Mommy who needs help]

My 3 year old son can be so sweet and loving one minute and then if he is told to do something he does not want to do and told not to do he turns into an outrage.  (crying, yelling, hitting, throwing something, making noises) it is not the exact thing everytime but usually falls into one of those categories.  On top of that he is extremely stubborn, time out does not work at all, I can pop him on the hand or butt and would not phase him at all - we have to spank him with a belt to get his attention or he will keep doing what he was doing.  When we get on to him he immediately starts.  It has gotten so embarassing to even go in public, he is fine as long as he gets his way.  His screaming, whining, and crying has got to stop.  He constantly whines weather it is asking to do something or go somewhere.  I do believe that yelling a a child is no no, but he gets to us so bad that we both find our selves yelling.  My 4 1/2 year old daughter even beggs not to take Dylan anywhere because everyone stares at him for crying and not getting his way.  Is this normal behavior?  If it is, I don't ever see anyone elses kids like this.  

[kayden922]

The yelling, screaming, crying and so forth are very very normal. We call it terrible twos, but no one ever says that it prolongs into threes. Spanking a three year old with a belt is a bit much. It seems to work yes because it hurts more than anything, but remember, this child will get use to the belt growing up, and it will be nothing to him by the time he is eight or nine, and you just may need it then. A three year old understands certain things to a certain extent, and yes they can act out to get their way. But understand, you do not under any circumstances have to give him what he wants. I have acheived diciplining my child by taking things away. You start with his favorite toys. Start putting them away and show him that he cannot play with these toys anymore until he behaves. Show him that your putting them in a garbage bag, yet hide them and do not let him see where you have hid them. Tell him when he does something good, one toy will come back. if he continues to be bad he will not see them again. Once he is bad again he toy will go back. You also have to have a time out corner or a room. If he acts up and starts kicking screaming, put him in that room, if he comes out put him back again, if he comes out again, put him back, this may take two to three hours.... but he will soon realize mommy and daddy means business and then he will say, they are really not going to give up. Any time you discipline a child you make sure you tell him or her why she is getting punished, and what she or he could have done to not have gotten in trouble. Understand when there is nothing to play with, they will start wanting their toys if they act up, its the time out room, and we can do that all day. Try it. It will not happen over night.

[monica1296]

I feel as if spanking with the hand, rather than an object, gives you a sort of "reference of power/feeling" as to whether you are striking too hard or not enough.  If the swat hurts your hand and your child seems excessively upset, then maybe you have spanked too hard; the opposite would be true as well, in regards to swatting too lightly and the child disregards the action completely.  I say do what works for you in your situation.  If you are getting no results from what you are trying, then it's possible that you should try a new set of tricks.  Consistency and predictability are key in great parenting!  Best of luck to you! --(from a mom of a very difficult 3yo, too).

[DanaLyne]

CALM DOWN, MAN . . . golly if grandpa had been as high strung as you we would have all been in trouble . . . 1.  It is NOT (I repeat with emphasis NOT) illegal to spank your children.  Having worked in criminal defense for 17 years, I KNOW THIS AS A FACT.  2.  I said mine are grown, I have no 3 year old to spank, thanks for the offer.  3. Ever heard the old saying "don't bite the hand that feeds you"?  YOU DON'T HIT WITH IT, EITHER.  4.  My daughter knows that I have and give good advise, she chose to seek opinions of other INTELECTUAL people, please . . .this was not for you . . . SHE WAS TALKING TO THE LADY WITH A SIMILAR PROBLEM. Finally, in case you didn't read my daughter's response to YOU, BOOOOYAAAA---GRANDPA!

[Ashleykm12]

Look I am big enough to know when I need advice and when I dont. My mother has great advice and I always listen to what my mother has to say but....(BUT)....it never hurts to get a 2nd opinion. Thats what I was doing...I ME I wanted to see if this kind of behavior is normal and you know what I got my answer but guess what it was not from you!

[DanaLyne]

Having raised 3, YUP, I CAN condone it . . .. AS LONG AS YOU REMEMBER THAT THE CHILD IS 3 . . . you wouldn't, obviously, want to "beat" him! Additionally, discipline begins at birth, at 3  . . .they know how to manipulate, they should learn . . . QUICKLY . . .NOT to do it!

[DanaLyne]

Once again, your comment floors me! IT IS NOT ILLEGAL TO SPANK YOUR CHILDREN.  Now.  It is illegal to "beat" them or "abuse" them.  But NOT to spank them.