3 yr old with terrible tantrums HELP PLEASE!

[maria920]

My son is 3 1/2 he was recently diagnosed with ADHD and were waiting for his TSS workers to start ( bc of behavior daycare recommend it) i dont kno what to do anymore.  Yesterday i got a call from his daycare to come get him bc he was out of control. He was throwing toys,  chairs screaming and not listening. Over the past few weeks it has gotten worse to the point if he asks for something and the answer is no he throws a fit and WONT give up until we give in. I kno its wrong to give in to it but im at the end of my rope. My husband and i were totally against medication bc he is so young and he didnt start with the TSS workers but they arent starting for about 3-6 weeks and idk what to do or think. He has an appointment this thursday to see his dr for a well visit and this stuff i was thinking of asking about medication but my biggest concern is i dont want him to b like a zombie bc je is suck a fun loving child. This absolutely breaks my heart.  I cried for hours yesterday bc its so upsetting. I want my baby back to the way he was. PLEASE HELP me.  Any suggestions are appreciated.  I am stopping all food dyes in his diet esp red dye as well as cutting tv down any info on medication experiences would also help thank you in advance!

[Sandman2]

  Hi, I agree completely with what Rockrose says.  I also left you a long post on the ADHD site.
    I do want to add that lack of sleep at night will really make a child of this age much, much worse.  Does he snore or show any signs of sleep anea?
    Here is a good link to foods that can cause troubles - http://www.medhelp.org/add-adhd/slideshows/9-Worst-Foods-for-ADD---Plus-1-That-Can-Help/20
   as well as things around the house that can cause problems - http://www.medhelp.org/add-adhd/slideshows/8-ADHD-Culprits-Lurking-in-Your-Home/21
   Almost any program like 123 magic will work if you are consistent .  Thats super important.  Also get your preschool involved.  Both of you need to be on the same page.  I asked you a few important questions on the ADHD site, hopefully you will be able to answer them.  Best wishes.

[maria920]

Thank u soo much for the feedback and responding!!! Ive told my husband we NEED to change. And to b completely honest we just started giving in to him within the last few months. We kind of had a handle on it for a while but as the behavior progresses it gets harder and harder. I agree with u 100% about having to toughen up. We are actually trying sonething called 123 magic we heard from many sources that it works very well if its done right and we stick with it! Im hopeful fir that. Also we are changing his diet. I was tols to cut red dye completely bc it makes kids more hyper? I think if we put our minds to it and dont give in anymore everything will start to ger better. Please dont get me wrong im not lazy or anything like that and i want the best for both of my children. I do not want to go with medicine at all believe me but i honestly didnt know what else to do. Now that i have a couple things i can try im hoping it will work.

[RockRose]

Well,  of course he won't give up screaming - he's learned that method works VERY well although might take a long time!

Nobody likes to hear children screaming but parents learn that if you give in to a screaming child (especially a smart one!) you create a monster.

I don't know how much you know about learning and behavior theory,  but you are going to have a hell of a time climbing back out of this pattern that you've taught him with how to successfully get what he wants.

He'll have to learn 1.  screaming never gets rewarded and 2.  the best way to get something that I might be able to convince mom to give me is to act calm and respectful.

So far,  you've taught him exactly the opposite approach.

I would be VERY surprised if you could find a doctor to prescribe medication for a child who has been rewarded for tantrums.  

Maria,  this is hard,  but you're going to have to step up here,  and toughen up.  When he's calm and listening,  he needs to be told 1.  we're done screaming in this house,  you will not receive what you want if you scream about it and 2.  if you ask politely there's a good chance you'll get what you want if possible.

And then stick to this!   If he's screaming and throwing things asking for something you'd just as soon give him,  DON'T.  If he's politely asking for something you'd rather not give him,  strongly consider it and give it to him if at all possible.  (Staying up 10 more minutes,  a cookie before dinner,  going outside to play, etc.)

You really have to toughen up.  From the perspective of a mom with teenagers,  you really will look back on this time and realize this is the easy stuff.  It only gets harder from here - you have GOT to succeed and get through this easier period.

We all do get it. It's the easy thing to just say okay then,  do whatever you want since you've worn me out.  Don't continue to do that.