3.5 yr old scared of school

[vikram31]

My daughter has been in her current school for almost a year and on the verge of reaching Montessory II. In the last month or so she has been extremely scared of going to school and at bedtime the previous night, always tells us to not send her to school and she doesnt like it. This is a big change as she started of her school as a very happy and excited child. Infact she used to look forward to going to school every day.

I am a financial services professional and get time for her only on weekends which I dedicate to her. On weekdays whenever possible I spend time telling her stories and putting her to bet. My wife is a work from home professional who is busy around 5 hours of the day including the time our daughter spends at school. Between the two of us, we make it a point to not have any verbal altercations in front of her and are sure that she could not be picking up any anxieties from home.

When asked about her fear she says that no one is her friend and she doesnt like her teacher and she doesnt like the school bus. All these are changes as previously she seemed to have had friends and loved her teacher and school bus. Nothing has changed, its the same set of kids, the same teacher and the same school bus.

Please advice what we should be doing as parents to diagnose and cure her recent behaviour.

[AnnieBrooke]

My bright, able son didn't like Montessori.  This was after the area's regional Montessori director (a friend of my sister's) saw him at my sister's house and said glowingly, "He's real Montessori material!"  He just did not like it at all.  After a while, there was no point in sending him there, his behavior was getting more stressed and anxious, not less.  He is doing great at a different preschool now.

Maybe the way Montessori is structured is bothering her.  Maybe there has been a change of student body and some friends have left.  Maybe she thinks she is being sent away so Mommy can finally get some work done.  For whatever reason, I would re-consider the school.  A lot of people prefer Montessori for the supposed prestige and because it is thought to be a great prep for elementary school, but for some kids, it just is not the right school.  

[jdtm]

I suspect you are dealing with anxiety (probably social anxiety).  If so, this is an inherited dispositional trait and not caused from life experiences (re school, bus, teacher, parents, etc.).  If social anxiety is the issue, I suspect your daughter only knows that she is very "uncomfortable" at school but unable to reiterate why.  Probably she feels safe and comfortable and in control at home, and thus the reason for not wanting to go to school.  As I stated before, if anxiety is the issue, these fears/anxieties are innate - comprised of physical, emotional and mental aspects.  Those with anxiety are unable to control their perceived fears without proper treatment - that being said, anxiety is very common, highly treatable with an excellent prognosis.

I might suggest you google the phrase "school and anxiety" or "social anxiety in young children" or "behaviors of anxiety in children" or similar words/phrases to read more about this issue.  If you believe that anxiety might be the issue, then speak to your daughter's physician.  If he/she is unable to help you, then ask for a referral to a medical mental health specialist with experience in anxiety disorders (as a child neurologist or child psychiatrist).  Concerning anxiety, be aware that this will not go away nor will your daughter outgrow it (there is no cure); however, anxiety can be successfully managed with proper treatment.   All the best ...