5 Year Old

[Mother6]

My stepson 5 years old, seems very depressed. He always has a sad, moppy face. He cries alot..to the extreme. Whines alot aswell. He barley eats unless it is plain or out of a box or a can..no veggetables or fruite really..I think this is because of what he is offered at home. We only see him every other weekend...but when he is here it is very frustrating because he is so needy and seems so depressed. We need to know what we can do?
Another thing is he cries and whines for his mother all the time (I dont think this is a horrible thing but when his father only gets to see him everyother weekend and he just cries for his mom..it is frustrating)
Another thing is that if his father leaves the room, goes to the store, goes out for a smoke..anything the child is right behind him at the door or if he doesnt see him he will go to his room and just cry..is this child affraid of abandonment?
We would just like to know some things that might help make his stay at our home better for everyone.
How as a father without custody are we to know if this child is depressed?
He seems very un healthy.

Please Help
Conserned Step Mom

[specialmom]

My son has sensory integration disorder and would NOT eat pork and rice or beef and potatoes if you offered him a million dollars.  He has a healthy diet but I am creative.  This boy's diet does not sound healthy but that is also different than abuse and neglect.  Is there an issue with his father that he can not speak to the mother about anything?  That is the route to take.  If he were depressed, he would be so everywhere and not just at your house.  His mother would notice as well.  I'd approach this as a team as in his father and mother and discuss his welfare.  On your end of things, I'd try to make his transition to your home and his stay with you as pleasant as possible.  I think you'll get much much farther trying to help him this way than any other.  good luck

[Mother6]

Thank You for your input. I still think this child is depressed. He is under weight and doesnt like to do normal things that a child his age does. The other sibling that goes to his mothers every other weekend says that he gets what he wants all the time and if that is a peperoni stick for dinner thats what it is. i think this child is being neglected in the sence of nutrician. I have known this boy sence he was 2 and he has been this way for a long time. I just feel so bad for him and believe me we do everything we can to make his stay enjoyable he has his room with his brother and we play games, go outdoors and make crafts etc. If it is something he doesnt want to do though he whines and cries and just wants to go to his room..maybe this is just a sign of spoild..by his other parent so much that he expects everyone to act this way with him and if we dont then he gets whiney and cries.
He doesnt seem healthy though and this is a major issue when we are told he doesnt get to eat a normal meal like pork and rice or beef and potatoes. Every meal there is served with chips and is out of a box or can.

[specialmom]

Oh, I do not think he is depressed, I think he is sad.  There is a difference.  It is hard for a child of 5 to be uprooted every other weekend.  I know it is the reality of the situation but think about how it feels to him.  He leaves the place he spends the majority of his time to come to you all.  Maybe he isn't secure there------------  not sure where he really fits in.  Things feel different than they do at home.  I know that my 5 year old will only eat my mac and cheese because that is what he is used to . . .  but he'd tell someone he likes it.  Then they'd make it and he'd push it away. Kids are just like that.  My nephew stayed with me and I made a can of Cambell's chicken noodle soup for lunch----  just like my sister does.  (know her well, know the soup routine).  He told me it tasted different than his moms.  Kids are just like that.  

Here is what I would do.  I'd have a transition time into the family routine.  Make him feel welcome, give him a plan of what you are going to be doing, tell him that he can call his mom any time he wants, etc.  I'd have dad spend some special time with him.  I'd have a special spot for him in the house that he keeps things that are just his.  Etc.  I just think he needs some security when he is there.

I think dad can ask mom if she thinks anything is wrong.  Let her know that you want it to be a positive visit for him and you want him to be more comfortable.  Ask if she has any ideas.  You can ask his mom if he is depressed.  I would NOT call CPS on his mother as that is not warrented in this situation.  You don't describe a child that is abused and neglected but more of one that is missing his mom and his normal life.  And if you call CPS, you will make things very difficult for the families to get along.  And you want them to get along.  Communication should be good enough for the parents to talk about this boy's welfare and health.  good luck

[mammo]

I would try talking to the boy, but don't ask any leading questions.  Ask why he cries when daddy leaves, ask if he is happy, if not...why, how is school, just get a line of communication going.  Your son should visit his school and find out how he's doing there, as I feel there is more to this.  He does sound very sad, and afraid of abandonment and this is no way for him to live.  His teacher can give your son a lot of insight as to how he is at school and if he is no different then your son needs to address this with the ex and go from there.  If he is being treated poorly at home, you are the only ones who can help him.  But you also need to make sure he isn't being told things at home to make him afraid at your house.  But you will know this if he acts okay at school.  This breaks my heart, this little boy should be so happy and enjoying a carefree life of a 5 year old, not living in fear.  Your son needs to just start with the school and make sure this boy is okay, and go from there.  You all have rights where this child's well being is concerned.  As a Foster Parent I learned that even abused and neglected children still want to be with the abusive parents, so just because he cries for his mommy doesn't mean she is treating him well.  If he is this way in school, your son needs to address this with the ex and get her reaction.  If not good, I would contact CPS and let them know and that he would have a home with you while they investigate.