Ten Year Old Female Cousin Behaves Strangely.

[darobow]

Hello I have a ten year old cousin she is very sweet at times she has a twin sibling who is a boy and I notice strange behaviors from her when I babysit: she fantasizes about running away with her dog, she asks me my opinion on how she would fare in prison, she hits her twin brother when she gets angry, she will pet her animals (dog and cat) and then carelessly toss them aside, she makes things up, she asked me the best way to commit suicide, she claims there is a ghost in her house, she has fantasized about running away and getting pregnant, and she looks up Youtube videos on how to become a vampire, And she has a hard time remembering me unlike her brother even though I see them alot. From what I gathered from talking to her her mother has or is currently taking her to counseling but she doesn't like it. Her father is a killer/bankrobber who is currently doing time. Her mother is single they don't see their real dad. I desperately want to help her but do not want to intrude on my Aunt's parenting I deeply care for her and everyone in my family. I guess my question is: Is this hopefully just a phase? Is she just a weird little kid? Is she going to grow up to be a criminal? What is in my power to help? I don't want her to be either a criminal or a forgotten member of society in an asylum or assisted living facility. Thank you for reading through this and any help is greatly appreciated.

[lk1987]

She sounds like a creative (normal) child who is using her imagination to cope with trauma (ex: her father in prison). She may be depressed to a degree and reaching out for support. Her stories are most likely attention seeking behavior but her morbid thoughts could progress to self harm or harm of others if not addressed.

All you can do is listen to her, make her feel heard and valuable, and reaffirm how loved she is. Try to encourage her to partake in positive activities. Share funny and uplifting media and books.

If she starts talking darkly, respond in a non-judgemental way. Maybe she will open up to you about what is causing the negative feelings.

For example, if she asks about suicide you could say, "Gee, I don't know, I've never tried it. There are lots of things I'd miss if I were dead". You could go on to describe all the things you'd miss and then ask her, "what would you miss?" You could then follow up with "what wouldn't you miss?" and maybe she'd share about what's bothering her.

Professional therapy is important, but you can also play a critical role when you're around her.

Best of luck to you both!

[KyliePixie]

There are a few elements to what you mention that are relateable to this https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome#Characteristics

[KyliePixie]

Perhaps shes also mature for her age in her thoughts

[KyliePixie]

Does any of the stuff on this website sound like her, it came up when i searched children with morbid thoughts and memory problems. http://jamesdauntchandler.tripod.com/ODD_CD/oddcdpamphlet.htm

I am no psychiatrist but some of her behavior does sound concerning, It could be best to have a psychiatrist check her out, it's always better safe than sorry and if they were to find something now and could treat it and help and support her it could prevent future repercussions, does your instinct tell you she needs to see someone professional? if it does go with it, always trust your instinct, mine never fails me, infact it saved me from being run over at a pedestrian crossing when the cars shouldn't have been moving, the pedestrian light came up, a car stopped but my instinct suddenly said WAIT so  did I and seconds later a speeding car cut around the stopped car and shot across the pedestrian crossing, if I had stepped out and ignored my instinct well...

For the vampire thing, thats normal, all children find the idea exciting.

It is worrying though she asks you about suicide, a child of 10 shouldn't be contemplating such things. Perhaps she's seen things online shes to young for and its sort of 'warped' her perception.

I agree running away is something all children consider. The way she acts with pets seems to indicate a possible mental 'disorder' as does the anger.  

I think the prison thing is her way of understanding how her stepdad copes in prison.

As for the pregnancy thing, does she know about the 'birds and the bees' yet, even if shes learnt it she's probably too young to truly grasp what it means, shes probably seen pregnant women fussed over and likes the idea of it.

Its normal for children to make things up

I know you worry about stepping on your aunties toes but if you sit her down and express your concerns i'm sure she will understand you are simply looking out for your niece and care about her, if you didn't you wouldn't be here or have noticed her behavior!

I hope I have helped a little, Let me know how it goes, all the best

Kylie

[greenfox]

Next time you babysit, bring some paper and pens and collaborate on a short story together, i'm sure there will be lot's of room for discussion when ideas come up.

making conversation fun will open up the door to dialogue.  keep your ears open more than your mouth.

we just want to be heard. all of us. talk to people and listen to what they say. talk to her, ask questions. share anecdotes. give of your emotional self and your fears and experiences and let her share hers with you. and always look her in the eye. we all just want someone to share and listen.

[SaigeN]

She really sounds like she's trying to get attention.  She's seriously picking out some outrageous things and likes the reaction.  You said she is a twin and this might be her way of being a completely different individual from the twin.  The cards that have been dealt do not sound very favorable but I don't hear you saying that she us acting on any of the things she says.  She may be "forgetting" your name just for the reaction.  If youre that stressed then why dont you take some time with just her and ask how shes really feeling?  A no judgment zone or let the mom n dr handle it after you explain your concerns.

[FLORES1999]

Oh honey, better to be Safe than Sorry. You are her Aunt and possibly the one person who can save her and Gid forbid others. If you worry about a child ANY CHILD let your voice be heard!!!  Talk to her mother perhaps a different therapist or different form of therapy. Look up all all the childhood stories of serial  people who have committed big crimes or committed suicide...every single one has a family member or friend that now says "if only I'd done something or said sonething to help this child"
Peace Much Love and God Bless

[pookiie1101]

sounds a lil like a sociopath :P best to see a psychiatrist and have her checked out. cant hurt either way

[RockRose]

The red flags to look for are if she has no friends in school,  and her teacher is raising flags that she isn't capable of coping in the classroom.

All the other stuff may well be a product of her environment.  She has no relationship with her biological father and her mother married a man who has now committed murder.

Who knows WHAT she has seen and heard in her own home.

So - if you can find out if she functions within an acceptable range in school,  and has at least friends in school she eats lunch with and plays with in school,  that's a better indicator than the things you posted,  IMHO.

[RockRose]

She sounds like a very imaginative,  interesting girl.  I'm not sure what she's doing that makes her seem to be headed for an "asylum",  which we really don't have anymore.

Since her mother's husband is in prison,  it seems very natural for her to wonder about prison.  Running away with a pet is a very common childhood fantasy.  Vampires are everywhere in current juvenile fiction.

The only thing in your post that caught my eye is that she has a hard time remembering you.  Does she have a similar hard time remembering other people?  

[darobow]

I'm not really sure how well she remembers other people's names.

However doesn't it seem odd that she would ask me the best way to commit suicide though?

Or what about her ideas of running away and getting pregnant? Is that something that is just childhood fantasy as well? Shouldn't that be a cause for concern?

I agree with you on the childhood fantasy of vampires and ghosts though.

I am not completely aware of her memory when it comes to other members of the family however she easily gets distracted and from what I can recall she cannot "buckle down" and apply herself in school she gets easily distracted.

In your opinion what are red flags to look out for then? Should I just ignore her inquiring me about suicide? When should I say something if anything to her mother regarding her behavior?