Thanks, the extra info does help a bit. Probably try the Love and Logic book first. It might be a better fit.
Don't expect the medication to change his attitude. It is not supposed to do that and if it did it would be an over dose. In fact, you might want to think about giving him his meds during the weekend and see if that makes any difference in his behavior. I have seen several studies that show weekend breaks might hurt more then help. Here is one link on that - http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/718-3.html
My question about school was - "is he really fine"? I didn't ask if he was getting into trouble. I still think that a talk with his teacher would be a good idea to see if she notices this lack of independence (compared to other kids) at school. It would give you a sense of how easy or difficult it will be to change that behavior. Oh, I assume he is in third grade?
The tough part of this is that he is only 8.... and he has ADD.... and (I suspect) some anxiety. And this is a behavior that he has developed over time..... which makes it harder to correct.
Since you are new to this whole ADD thing, I do recommend that you do take the time to find out more about it. This site is very good. http://www.additudemag.com/resource-center/adhd-parenting-skills.html
I am curious, has he always been this demanding of your attention?
Can you give me some examples of what he wants you to do. What does he want that causes him to whine and cry for hours. And by the way, if he really does whine and cry non stop for hours - that is unusual and a cause for concern.
Long story, short. There is (I think) a lot going on here that makes this a bit more then just a quest for independence on his part. Do me a favor and talk with his teacher to see if any of this carries over to the school.
Rockrose brings up an interesting point. The fact that your wife goes to bed and sleeps with him does make it sound like you are a newer addition. I suppose that you could have allowed this to happen from an earlier age?
Point being - the child seems to have some very strong anxieties. Where do these come from? What is his past history?
Of course, kids (and adults) with ADD have anxiety and depression as a strong co-disorder. And this is something that has to be dealt with. You said he has (basically) ADD. Who diagnosed this? Is he on medication? Have you asked the doctor for any help?
I also really wonder if he is fine at school. Have you talked with his teacher? If this is only happening at home - then it is at least partially a learned behavior which can be slowly changed. But, if he is beginning to have problems at school - he may be just barely holding it together at school until he gets home and then releases it on you. As the CL on the ADHD forum, I have seen this happen many times.
So really in dealing with this, we need a bit more info. And it may be that you need professional help. But, I would think that the anxiety would also carry over into school. Teachers report kids who are discipline problems, they don't report kids who hang on to them. Talk with the teacher!
If it really is only happening at home - that makes a difference.
So, lets assume that he has developed a learned behavior on how to get attention. This is something that can be slowly changed. It takes consistent, immediate reinforcement. And it will take up to three weeks to work for a particular behavior. that is because it has taken him quite a while to develop this behavior and you cannot change it overnight.
There are two highly recommended books that might help you. Take a look at Love and logic by fay and cline. Also, on ways to effectively use timeouts check out "SOS Help for Parents," by Lynn Clark.
As Steve said, knock off the spanking. It will not help (as you have found out) for a variety of reasons. Using the above books, pick one thing that you want to change and deal with just that for several weeks and then move on.
Oh, at this age, its a great time for your wife or you to read to him at bed time. (Lots of good books out there) and then head for your own bedroom. Does she spend the whole night with him or stay just till he falls asleep?
Are you his dad, noobies? Because from the description you give, this is what I hear men say who have been married to their wife for less than a year or so, and didn't really understand the full-time job of having a child, and additionally doesn't particularly like the child.
There was no where in your schedule where you are alone with him, and the tone of your post is why won't this kid leave us alone.
Having raised 3 boys, I'm not sure what parents you know of who get an hour break while they sit there and drink coffee in privacy with an 8 year old only child in the house.
The part that shocked me the most was when you were at wits end with his behavior, you took him to grandmas house for her to handle. That smacks of new husband can't stand this kid one more minute.
Sorry to be so questioning, but I think this is a case of a child who feels very unwelcome in his own home, especially noting that he does perfectly well at school.
Having to share mom with a man who doesn't like you is hard on a kid. Forgive me if I've guessed wrong about your situation.
Got to get your son to a doctor and have some tests done. And the doctor will be able to steer you to a child therapist if needed. Get his Thyroid checked. He could have an over active thyroid. I had an over active thyroid when I was a kid and it gave me lots of problems.
Your son seems like he is addicted to getting attention and can't quit. Something like a person suffering with Turrets. He could be very insecure also. Anyway, get him to the doc and then maybe to a specialist. The longer it goes on, the harder it will be to change anything.
Above all give him lots of hugs and tell him you love him. That could be what he is looking for. Or he is looking for something from you he feels he's not getting. And no more spankings. In this case anyway. I'm not against spankings, but this isn't one of those situations for it.
If you could provide a suggested schedule for M-F and weekends that would be great as well.
Currently our typical m-f schedule
7 am - 5:30 pm - [Work , school and he attends sportsclub between 3-5:30 pm in school]
6 - 7 pm - cook and do homework
8- 9 pm - Watch kids tv together as a family
9pm - Wife goes to bed and sleeps with him.
Sat - Sun
7:30 - 12:30 - basketball game and lunch
12:30 - 9pm - activities that he wants todo or its a constant battle. We cant even make it through 2 cups of coffee with being interrupted or without constantly asking him to let us just drink our coffee.