Child very shy

[Mom2711]

My son is 6 year old. He is very smart and clever. Very good in studying. His teacher always tells me he is very disciplined in class and academically he is excellent. But he is a very shy kid. It took him almost a month to talk and make friends in his class. Even now he has very few friends. It is even worse when he meets adults, like my neighbors or his friend's parents. These people are not strangers. He meets them daily and he plays with my neighbor's kid daily in their home but has never spoken to the kid's mom. I tried making him talk to her in my presence, but he hardly answers and he doesn't like me compelling like this. But more than this my main concern is how he plays with his friends. He always acts silly like sticking out his tongue or making silly faces all the time. So, his friends don't want to play with him. They say my son doesn't even want to run and catch them. Whatever games they are playing he always does something stupid. Even I tried explaining the game to him, he knew it but wont do it while playing. He thinks he will definitely lose, so he doesn't try at all.This way he can say he lost bcos he didnt play properly. Even when its a small jungle gym or a slide, he is scared to go very high. He will be clinging to the rod. I feel like he is really scared that he will fall. I tried talkig to him but I think I need to see a psychologist now. What can I do to make him come out of his shell?

[Mom2711]

Thanks a lot for your reply.
You had mentioned  'social anxiety',  its very true. I never thought of it that way.  I got a lot of information from the ineteret and the website you had mentioned. You had mentioned anxiety is a genetic trait and you are right. My husband shows the same behaviour especially when it comes to negotiating with strangers.
'The worst thing is talking  to him', I will definitely keep that in mind. Everytime I try to do that, it never goes smoothly. Iam going to get professional help. I have books on parenting, but dont have even one in this particular issue. I will buy one immediately.
About talking in his school, he has favourites. His favourite teacher tells me he is very talkative and the other tells me he is very calm in his class. So, it could be selective mutism too. I feel like I was doing the wrong thing all this time and thanks for your guidance. When I read ' its highly treatable', Iam so relieved. All your information has helped me a lot in understanding my son better. This is my first post and Iam really happy I did it. Thanks again.

[jdtm]

I tried talkig to him but I think I need to see a psychologist now. --  maybe

This entire posting describes social anxiety - the not speaking, the silliness, good student, socially inept, clinging, etc.  I might suggest you google the phrase "social anxiety and children" or "anxiety and children" or similar words/phrases to better educate yourself about this issue.  There is a lot of good information on the internet as well as the titles of many books which can be purchased on-line, in bookstores, or borrowed from one's public library.  Then speak to his pediatrician or family doctor.  If he/she is unable to help you, ask for a referral to a medical specialist with experience in anxiety disorders.

Anxiety is a very common issue and highly treatable.  Anxiety is a genetic trait and not caused by life experience.  Your son will need to learn how to "manage his fears" - you  cannot make him "come out of his shell".  But you can help by speaking to professionals and understanding this disorder and educating those who work with your child (as his teacher).  By the way, the worse thing you can do is to "talk to him" - the best thing is to "lessen his anxiety" and that is the difficult part - often why professional help is required.  

One more thing - you claim that your son does not speak to the parents in the area.  I might suggest you ask his teacher if your son speaks at school - both  to his peers and the adults at school.  If not, then your son probably suffers from a severe form of social anxiety called "selective mutism".  The best site on the internet is "selectivemutism.org" where you can find reams of information.  Hope this helps ....