I was almost 13 by the time I finally stopped pooping my pants. I was always extremally constipated and avoided using the toilets at school or when I was out somewhere. When I tried to go at home nothing happened, or it hurt too much, so I usually just ignored what my body was telling me. If I didn’t take the opportunity to go to the toilet it seemed like my body worked against me. The problem with that was those opportunities almost always seemed to be during class or while I was out doing something on the weekend. I was also extremely shy so putting my hand up and asking to go to the toilet was far to embarrassing. Letting it come out in my underwear when it wanted to worked because it didn’t hurt, so that became normal. The anxiety of starting high school seemed to make my constipation even worse and I spent most of the first day with a load in my underwear. That just increased my believe my body was different and doing it in my underwear was normal for me.
My parents thought I was lazy or doing it on purpose and going to great lengths to hide it only confirmed their belief. I got quite good at keeping it secret and that became a challenge for me, rather than admitting there was a problem. Going unnoticed at school or out places on the weekend made me feel like I was in control of my situation, but it also made it a lot worse. By the time I started high school I was doing it almost daily. My logs were always big and very firm and without much odor, so I usually just kept wearing my underwear until I got home. It also meant there was only one a day to deal with. The only time I changed was if a teacher or someone said something but that hardly ever happened. All that made my parents and teachers sure I was doing it on purpose. It wasn’t until a teacher decided to make me her challenge that I finally began to change.