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Five year old Son - Anger Issue? - Help, please!
I have been having quite a time with my 5 year old son. He is the youngest of my four children and has been displaying problems for over a year now.
He can be the sweetest, most loving child. He can be so sweet ... sit with me for a long time ... he loves to be hugged and loves to show emotion at times. He behaves, uses manners, says yes please, no thank you .. etc. He'll do what he's asked or told to do and with no arguments -- it's great.
Then, he can turn in an instant. You almost don't know when this will happen. It doesn't have to be anything to make him mad -- it can be just after he wakes up or it can be after he gets home from school. He's even done a couple of things at school (recently) -- nothing as serious at home, but I'm worried that it's escalating in nature. Sometimes the change can be due to being told no, being asked to do something, one of his friends not playing with him, his brother or sister not playing with him ... etc. Sometime it can be something serious that causes the change and sometimes it can be be little .. and sometimes absoltuely nothing at all, there is no pattern in what causes it.
When he gets angry ... his eyes get big -- he starts breathing angrily -- big, deep breaths that you can hear ... He'll yell, he'll run at you and hit, kick, scratch you. He has had times when he says I hate you, or I want a new Mom (sister, brother, etc.) He'll say he wants to go to a new home, he'll even escalate at times and say he wants to kill you or he has stab he'll stab you - etc. He can be just angry and mad or he can say really violent things -- again, no pattern. It's really scary.
When he's in his good moods, we almost all walk on eggshells and I know it shouldn't be that way. We do almost anything we can to "preserve" the good moments and try to make the angry moments less. The problem is, we can't always know when one might come on and almost anything (or nothing at all) can trigger it.
When he gets angry -- we just don't know what to do. Yelling is no good, we all know that. If someone yells back - or threatens to spank -- or tries to spank .. he just thinks you're fighting with him. It's no good. However, he won't do time out ... or anything "rational" because he's in a completely unrational state. I wish I could explain it better, but I really don't know how to.
I've looked into behavior therapy, but everything is out of network and they want tons of money to start any kind of therapy. I don't think simple counseling is going to help my son -- when he's not in his moments - he doesn't understand what you're talking about ... why you're talking to him about being angry -- or, you run the possbiltiy of getting him angry just by talking about it. When he's in his anger state -- he won't listen. Nothing you say gets to him, it's as if his sense of hearing is turned off and everything irrational has turned on suddenly.
Help, please! I love my son and do not want this problem to escalate to something more serious. I am so worried that things have been slowly escalating as he didn't use to act this way at school .. but, in the past two weeks .... I've been called once by his principal because he (my five year old son in Kindergarten) kicked a third grader in the bathroom and left marks on him. Then, the other day he got angry at his teacher and took his glasses off and broke them -- just because he was angry.
Oh, that's something I forgot to include -- he does break things, tear things up, and throw things. If you send him to his room -- or if he's in a room that has things in it ... when he's angry, he will break or throw things. Just today he threw things around in my daughter's room and we've yet to get him to clean them. He just doesn't respond to us when he gets in these modes. They can last anywhere from a few minutes to the whole day.
If anyone has been through anything similar, please let me know -- or, if you have any ideas / thoughts on what I can do for him.
Thanks for listening (well, reading)!
He can be the sweetest, most loving child. He can be so sweet ... sit with me for a long time ... he loves to be hugged and loves to show emotion at times. He behaves, uses manners, says yes please, no thank you .. etc. He'll do what he's asked or told to do and with no arguments -- it's great.
Then, he can turn in an instant. You almost don't know when this will happen. It doesn't have to be anything to make him mad -- it can be just after he wakes up or it can be after he gets home from school. He's even done a couple of things at school (recently) -- nothing as serious at home, but I'm worried that it's escalating in nature. Sometimes the change can be due to being told no, being asked to do something, one of his friends not playing with him, his brother or sister not playing with him ... etc. Sometime it can be something serious that causes the change and sometimes it can be be little .. and sometimes absoltuely nothing at all, there is no pattern in what causes it.
When he gets angry ... his eyes get big -- he starts breathing angrily -- big, deep breaths that you can hear ... He'll yell, he'll run at you and hit, kick, scratch you. He has had times when he says I hate you, or I want a new Mom (sister, brother, etc.) He'll say he wants to go to a new home, he'll even escalate at times and say he wants to kill you or he has stab he'll stab you - etc. He can be just angry and mad or he can say really violent things -- again, no pattern. It's really scary.
When he's in his good moods, we almost all walk on eggshells and I know it shouldn't be that way. We do almost anything we can to "preserve" the good moments and try to make the angry moments less. The problem is, we can't always know when one might come on and almost anything (or nothing at all) can trigger it.
When he gets angry -- we just don't know what to do. Yelling is no good, we all know that. If someone yells back - or threatens to spank -- or tries to spank .. he just thinks you're fighting with him. It's no good. However, he won't do time out ... or anything "rational" because he's in a completely unrational state. I wish I could explain it better, but I really don't know how to.
I've looked into behavior therapy, but everything is out of network and they want tons of money to start any kind of therapy. I don't think simple counseling is going to help my son -- when he's not in his moments - he doesn't understand what you're talking about ... why you're talking to him about being angry -- or, you run the possbiltiy of getting him angry just by talking about it. When he's in his anger state -- he won't listen. Nothing you say gets to him, it's as if his sense of hearing is turned off and everything irrational has turned on suddenly.
Help, please! I love my son and do not want this problem to escalate to something more serious. I am so worried that things have been slowly escalating as he didn't use to act this way at school .. but, in the past two weeks .... I've been called once by his principal because he (my five year old son in Kindergarten) kicked a third grader in the bathroom and left marks on him. Then, the other day he got angry at his teacher and took his glasses off and broke them -- just because he was angry.
Oh, that's something I forgot to include -- he does break things, tear things up, and throw things. If you send him to his room -- or if he's in a room that has things in it ... when he's angry, he will break or throw things. Just today he threw things around in my daughter's room and we've yet to get him to clean them. He just doesn't respond to us when he gets in these modes. They can last anywhere from a few minutes to the whole day.
If anyone has been through anything similar, please let me know -- or, if you have any ideas / thoughts on what I can do for him.
Thanks for listening (well, reading)!
I must say the first comment one hundred percent sounds like my children. my two boys. omg i have done coucneling therapy psyciatrists psycologist i mean done it all parenting classes........no help please can someone help me i am losing my mind and afrain for my kids.......i love them so much
when a child or anyone is hurting themselves or others and seems un-teachable or un-trainable, it's time to get help.
a broken record here but do they still have their adenoids, tonsils. Do they snore and sleep fitfully? Children with terrible behavior problems have found relief after having tonsillectomy and. adenoidectomy.
Children grow when they are in REM sleep- this is when the pituitary gland "turns on" they also for lack of a better phrase- de-fragmnet and re-boot in REM Sleep- it is a deep sleep- now this does not mean they sleep less- they could sleep a full 10 hours and never go into REM. Imagine how it would be to go literally YEARS without a good night's sleep.
It's worth looking into- as much as folks on here think I am a witch I really do love children with all my heart and soul and hope for the best for you all.
a broken record here but do they still have their adenoids, tonsils. Do they snore and sleep fitfully? Children with terrible behavior problems have found relief after having tonsillectomy and. adenoidectomy.
Children grow when they are in REM sleep- this is when the pituitary gland "turns on" they also for lack of a better phrase- de-fragmnet and re-boot in REM Sleep- it is a deep sleep- now this does not mean they sleep less- they could sleep a full 10 hours and never go into REM. Imagine how it would be to go literally YEARS without a good night's sleep.
It's worth looking into- as much as folks on here think I am a witch I really do love children with all my heart and soul and hope for the best for you all.
I've just finished reading your story. And I have to say I feel your pain. I have a son five also and i'm going throught some of the same things you are. My son lashes out at me,tells me know,do it,or what did I say. I to have gotten phone calls from the teacher/social worker and I'm sadded. I cry thinking what have I done wrong/were did I go wrong/I'm a bad parent. I have found that the school has a family support group in which I will be joining(counseling) it's free. I feel that if I dont do something know this is going to follow him all the way through school and possible get worse. I LOVE MY SON!!! and I have to do what ever I can for him.
oh my goodness, i just read about your son and it sounded like you were describing my seven year old. ever since he was walking he is constantly on the go and u never know what is going to set him off. And he even makes the comment that he is going to kill himself, and when he goes to school and says it they will be calling child protective services, they have visited me quite often. My eight year old daughter will have such a violent tantrum that she kicked out her bedroom window. sometimes when the kids fight its like war war six at my house. but when two of them are gone somewhere and its just me and one of the kids things are almost perfect.. U should b able to get some kind of financial help to get him to a mhmr facility. My children get medicaid , they even send us fifty dollars a week (thru western union) for gas money. We go three times a week (for each kid) to counseling then once a month the doctor will see them to discuss their medication and they may change it if necessary.They qualify for disability i just havent went and applied .That just seems like more work. Counseling, doctor visit, and were not even going to discuss how many trips we make to the peditrician for self inflicted wounds, accidents, and checkups, its just all a really lot of work. But im trying cause i dont want to see them loocked up or in foster care.. take care of you or u cant take care of them. mother of four goin crazy ... jennie
Since you have tried time outs and found that the behavior management did not work, I think you need to step up and get the outside help he needs.
Your child does have anger management issues, and these could be representative of other, more serious mental health issues that require serious treatment. He needs to be seen by a psychiatrist for a diagnosis -- a medical doctor. If the treatment he requires includes therapy, then you can go to a counselor. You have described a child who really needs help - and I don't think that his issues are going to go away or get better unless you give him that help.
I think you need to start with your pediatrician. Alternatively, you could contact your local school board to find out about testing services, since he has some behavior problems at school. They might be able to give you some guidance.
Your child does have anger management issues, and these could be representative of other, more serious mental health issues that require serious treatment. He needs to be seen by a psychiatrist for a diagnosis -- a medical doctor. If the treatment he requires includes therapy, then you can go to a counselor. You have described a child who really needs help - and I don't think that his issues are going to go away or get better unless you give him that help.
I think you need to start with your pediatrician. Alternatively, you could contact your local school board to find out about testing services, since he has some behavior problems at school. They might be able to give you some guidance.
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