Is my daughter telling me the truth

[mc875]

I have a 3 year old daughter who is now telling me that her pee pee has been touched by a friend of mine and my husbands. I want to believe her but this guy has been really good to us and has lived with us since she was born and has always been good with my kids. Every time they see him they yell Uncle and are always playing and jumping on him including my 3 year old. He lived with us the past couple of months and none of my kids ever mentioned to me about him being like this. Now it has been about 2 months since he had moved out and just today my daughter mentioned this to me. I asked her to repeat herself and she looked me like she was scared and said "uncle touched me right here". I was a little shocked and did not know exactly what to say. I asked if this was true because accusing someone of this they can be in big trouble. I then asked what she meant by him touching her she just stood there. I remember in psychology class they use dolls for kids her age to explain themselves so I told her to get her doll and show me. She then touched the babys private with her finger and started stroking it. I know my daughter can lie but then again how would she know any of that, all my kids watch are Disney Jr or Sprout. Now that I am thinking about it though my 2 year old was always complaining about her pee pee saying oww oww, so I thought it hurt her to pee or burned when she peed thinking maybe she had an infection, but since he has been gone i have not heard her complain about it anymore. I am concerned and want to go to the doctors and get them ex amend but I am scared that the doctor with think I am a bad mother for not knowing anything. I want to tell my husband what I just heard but afraid of what he will do if I tell him so I want to know the facts before saying anything to him. And my husband told he that guy is wanting to move back in when he is finished with his job and that is soon. So i need to know something soon. I am confused, scared and do not know what to do..!!

[gigi1114]

I'm very disappointed that you are more worried about what others will think of you, and your parenting, than you are at protecting your daughter.  Call the police now, and if you ever let that man move back in the house then you should be worried about what others think of you, because you would then you would be a terrible parent.  Start believing and protecting your daughter.  Do you even realize what your poor child has been through?! You know the truth, stop pretending you don't.  Everything in your question proves that.

[mc875]

Thank you everybody for the advice. This has helped me a lot. I took my girls to see a doctor. Doctor said nothing was torn though but she also said it doesn't mean he didn't do anything. So I did tell their dad who in fact was not happy. He did confront the "uncle" about it and of course he said he has never done anything but the next morning when kids dad went to go look for him the "uncle" was nowhere to be found, we where told he packed up the place and took off. I will be paying more attention to the people that come around my girls to make sure nothing like this ever happens again.

[Nobodyspecialatall]

Let me tell you from the child's point. Now, she is scared and uncertain if she did something wrong. If you do not reassure her that she isn't in trouble, she did nothing wrong and did the right thing coming to you, reassure her of your love and support & get her help NOW she will grow up thinking that something is wrong with her. feel like she is bad. She will have feelings of self doubt & poor self image. Because the person was not punished she may feel as if it is okay to be treated like that. Afterall, if her siblings did something else mean to her,(perhaps pull on her hair) they would at least be put in time out right? Not doing anything will NOT make it go away. She will not forget she will be confused and emotionally scarred as well. She will NOT get the closure that she needs to move past it and will have difficulties later in life with  relationships. I know. I was molested and assaulted from the ages of three to five by my teenage cousin. My parents never did anything about it. In fact, my mother kept taking me over to be babysat long after she suspected. I'm 44 years old and I'm finally learning to have a normal respectful relationship. However, I rarely speak with my parents.

[chelzharvey]

A child that age would never lie about such thing if I was u I would phone police straight away n never let that man any Were Near Ur Daughter Again

[anniejones]

Late reply but for future reference-Cut off ALL contact with this person. You do not have to give them a reason. Since much time has past and your daughter felt safe enough to tell you, it may be best not to involve the police nor CPS at this time because it will just make her relive the incidents, through questions, recal etc. Do not discuss it with anyone in your family or who you know because if it was not uncle it will only give the real molester an opportunity to threaten your daughter to be quiet or time to cover their tracks. Monitor your daughters bathroom habits and any complaints. Also do not bathe her in bubbles and soaps as they can cause a real UTI and irritation. IF she gets any more pain or UTI or any complaints what so ever then you need to go to doctor immediately, rule out a real UTI, get doctors opinion then go straight to police because that means it was not that uncle person who used to live with you but someone who has access to her and still does. Do not rule out a woman figure. Sometimes women molest children as well.

[Gmun]

If you suspect this man did something to two children, it's not usually a 'one-off' type of behaviour. You can protect your own children, but if he has access to other children & the trust of another family, he could do it again. Personally I think you have to tell the police. You don't have to make certain accusations,  you can be very honest and you can also stay anonymous, but if you ever found out he did it to anyone else - & took it further than touching (not to downplay that, but that could escalate to raping a child), could you forgive yourself for not speaking out when you can?

You can choose whether or not you let your daughters talk to police, but they have specially trained counselors who handle this with age appropriate questions - what you did with the doll was a great example. Counselors will use the same method,can often artwork too. Sometimes just 'draw a picture of your family' and then asking questions where the child identifies the person without really realising.

It would also be a way for you to get help explaining why that shouldn't happen (the "nobody should touch you where your bathing suit covers" is the commonly sedan example) & to let your daughters know what they told you was important and you are on their side and there to protect them - all the stuff said above. A counselor can help you deal with all that, and also how not to blame yourself - you're not a bad mother, your daughters trusted you to tell you (whether or not they really realised what they were saying) & you protected them.

But I honestly think someone should be reported to the police. You can choose not to press charges  (unfortunately it is unlikely that would happen); he may be offered therapy programmes, or worst case scenario, other families may also have experienced the same.... hopefully not, but you could be protecting someone in the future.

[leaving4lyra]

As a now grown victim of early sexual abuse, it is unlikely your daughter is lying, especially at age 3. Kids don't have the capacity to "lie" until age 5-6. If your child has bot been exposed to anything overtly sexual in the home, or daycare, or media, then the only other way for her to know about being touched is if it happened. Don't let the fact that this alleged abuser is well liked, upstanding, or longtime family friend. Predators use this to their advantage. It gets them close to kids without raising red flags in parents. My abuser had been a family friend of my dad since elementary school. Everyone loved and trusted him. That only your 3 year old has said anything as opposed to your other kids is common in molesters. Choosing your three year old was easy because he figured she was too young to say anything or be believed if she did. I'm not saying this "uncle" is absolutely guilty, but from my own experience, the odds are good he has done something inappropriate. Inform the police asap and most importantly, get your daughter to a child therapist trained in this area, the sooner the better. Early therapy might have saved me a lifetime of depression, anxiety, guilt, shame and no self worth. Trust your daughter and your intuition. If it feels wrong it probably is. Get her in therapy and keep "uncle perfect" far away from her. Let the police sort him out and inform your community if they conclude he is a predator.