Aa
Is this the right thing?
I have posted several questions on behalf of my son over the past couple of years. He is 12 years old diagnosed with bipolar, ODD, ADD/ADHD combined type, he poops his pants (no medical condition-been checked 4 times to make sure) He has been hospitalized 6 times to crisis units and 2 long term residential hospitals first one was 8 months, second one was 1 year 6 months. I have been struggling with doctors, counselors, for 9 years. He is very aggressive to me and anyone in authority. If a request is made be assured he is going to explode. If he wakes up 5 minutes later than he wanted to be ready to be cussed out. You correct him for the foul language he hits at you, hits you or threatens to kill you. This is on a daily basis. Anyting and everything sets him off.
The last argument that I had with him ended up with the cops coming out, I had to call them because I was afraid of myself. Having gone through this so many times and trying all the avenues that I have tried. Some twice. I was afraid that I was going to snap on him. I knew I was at the end of my patience line, my daughter who was here at the time (she moved in with her Father to get away from my son- her brother) agreed. I was terrified of hurting him, I did not want to do that, but I had all that I could take. Cops came and left and I decided the best thing for me to do was check myself into the hospital. In doing so I had no one to take care of my son. His Father had to work so he would not take him. I had to turn him over to the state temporarily. Since he has been in the states custody he has went off and landed into a crisis hospital who has 15 days to decide what they are going to do. Either send him to another long term facility or send him home. I in my mental state can not deal with this any longer. I have no idea of how to help him, every thing that I have tried has failed. I have been told over and over and over again that until he decides to change it is going to be like this. I too am bipolar and I am so unstable right now that I know I would not be any good to him, and if he comes home I am going to end up back in the hospital.
I am trying to get the state to help me find him some help, I can not do it. If a staff of 15 over the course of a year and half could not reach him how am I going to be able to do it on my own. His Father does not see him but for 2 or three days a month. His excuse is "I have to work" Well so do I but here lately I have missed so much work that I am being replaced. So emotionaly and financialy I am not going to be able to care for my son.
I love him very much and want to give him a chance at having a good life, so I am considering turning him over to the state and have him placed in a specialized foster home that deals exclusively with special needs children to give him a chance, something I just don't feel I can give him. Like I have said I have tried all I know for the past 9 years. I am exhausted physically and emotionally. I got out of a abusive marriage only to have my child emotionally and physicaly abuse me. I have been a prisoner to my home because we can not go out without outbursts or the fear that he is going to hurt someone else.
I do not know what to do, and I was hoping to get some opinions on whether I would be wrong in turning him over to the state to give him a chance at life.
The last argument that I had with him ended up with the cops coming out, I had to call them because I was afraid of myself. Having gone through this so many times and trying all the avenues that I have tried. Some twice. I was afraid that I was going to snap on him. I knew I was at the end of my patience line, my daughter who was here at the time (she moved in with her Father to get away from my son- her brother) agreed. I was terrified of hurting him, I did not want to do that, but I had all that I could take. Cops came and left and I decided the best thing for me to do was check myself into the hospital. In doing so I had no one to take care of my son. His Father had to work so he would not take him. I had to turn him over to the state temporarily. Since he has been in the states custody he has went off and landed into a crisis hospital who has 15 days to decide what they are going to do. Either send him to another long term facility or send him home. I in my mental state can not deal with this any longer. I have no idea of how to help him, every thing that I have tried has failed. I have been told over and over and over again that until he decides to change it is going to be like this. I too am bipolar and I am so unstable right now that I know I would not be any good to him, and if he comes home I am going to end up back in the hospital.
I am trying to get the state to help me find him some help, I can not do it. If a staff of 15 over the course of a year and half could not reach him how am I going to be able to do it on my own. His Father does not see him but for 2 or three days a month. His excuse is "I have to work" Well so do I but here lately I have missed so much work that I am being replaced. So emotionaly and financialy I am not going to be able to care for my son.
I love him very much and want to give him a chance at having a good life, so I am considering turning him over to the state and have him placed in a specialized foster home that deals exclusively with special needs children to give him a chance, something I just don't feel I can give him. Like I have said I have tried all I know for the past 9 years. I am exhausted physically and emotionally. I got out of a abusive marriage only to have my child emotionally and physicaly abuse me. I have been a prisoner to my home because we can not go out without outbursts or the fear that he is going to hurt someone else.
I do not know what to do, and I was hoping to get some opinions on whether I would be wrong in turning him over to the state to give him a chance at life.
I would have to agree with them about his IQ. I have been in denial about this for some time. He has problems with his cognitive reasoning. Right now he is on very little meds. mood stabilizer, antidepressant, med for adhd, and something to help him sleep that is it.
I am at a loss, and that is what scares me, I don't know what or how to help and I feel helpless.
I am at a loss, and that is what scares me, I don't know what or how to help and I feel helpless.
Is it partly due to his medications that he is unable to perform well on an IQ test?
I totally agree with that idea - that a child who doesn't have average intellect shouldn't be put in a boot camp setting, because it's pointless punishment if they can't learn and remember the detailed rules.
I have a friend who works at one in Corpus Christ Texas, and she said just that - they have astounding success with boys, but the ones with lower IQ can not function and succeed there.
From your descriptions of him, it's a little hard to believe 69 is his actual IQ, though. Do they agree from how he functions, that seems right?
I totally agree with that idea - that a child who doesn't have average intellect shouldn't be put in a boot camp setting, because it's pointless punishment if they can't learn and remember the detailed rules.
I have a friend who works at one in Corpus Christ Texas, and she said just that - they have astounding success with boys, but the ones with lower IQ can not function and succeed there.
From your descriptions of him, it's a little hard to believe 69 is his actual IQ, though. Do they agree from how he functions, that seems right?
I thought about that, but according to them he does not meet requirements due to his IQ. many years ago it was 105, last few test that have been done on him are average of 69.
Can you advocate that he go into a boot camp type facility?
He sounds like he needs a facility that is run military style (but is not actually a part of the military, I'm not advocating that he be a part of the military, I don't think that would work at all) where he has to earn every single privilege, including getting his possessions box unlocked, by behaving respectfully to the staff.
I don't know about West Virginia, but there are a few in Texas that I know of, and they have really good success with kids who sound like your son - fairly normal intelligence but absolute unwillingness to bow to authority.
When I googled Trouble Teen Boot Camp West Virginia, I got lots of hits. I think his evaluators should strongly consider that, rather than a residential psychiatric institution with counseling and drugs.
Best wishes.
He sounds like he needs a facility that is run military style (but is not actually a part of the military, I'm not advocating that he be a part of the military, I don't think that would work at all) where he has to earn every single privilege, including getting his possessions box unlocked, by behaving respectfully to the staff.
I don't know about West Virginia, but there are a few in Texas that I know of, and they have really good success with kids who sound like your son - fairly normal intelligence but absolute unwillingness to bow to authority.
When I googled Trouble Teen Boot Camp West Virginia, I got lots of hits. I think his evaluators should strongly consider that, rather than a residential psychiatric institution with counseling and drugs.
Best wishes.
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