Aa
Kindergarten and the Principle
I have a five year old almost six in October and he started kindergarten last week, the first day of school went well and so were the next two days. Then this past Monday he was telling his teacher no and biting other students so off to the principle he went, Tuesday I get a phone call right when school is suppose to start that he had hit another student while on the playground before school, so I was asked to come talk with my son and the principle. Today I pick him up and in his notes from the teacher she tells me that he pinched another student.......... I'm at my wits end with his acting out he's never been this constant with acting out. I've taken away the electronics he sits in a time out till he tells me why he did what he did I re-enforce that hitting and touching and talking back are all wrong, What else can I do to get through to him the severity of his actions and the school will suspend him if he keeps up......... Feeling defeated
Does this behavior only occur at school or at home too? Is this new behavior or has he been acting up for quite some time? If it is new behavior, has any event occurred in his life at the time this behavior began? Have you asked him why he hurts others at school? If so, what was his answer?
COMMUNITY LEADER
We will be able to help you, but need a bit more info. Also curious because of the way you discipline and how he is acting if you have any other older children at home?
It's definitely tricky dealing with behavior that happens at school, since you can't always be totally sure what's going on when you're not around. So, with this in mind, maybe it would be a good idea to go in and observe his classroom for a day or two and just get an idea of when he's acting out and what's leading up to it. Sometimes that can make a huge difference in knowing how to handle it. I've also read that you can work with the teacher/school to establish a prearranged set of consequences at home for misbehavior at school-using a chart or something like that. But then you can get daily or weekly reports and this may help keep your son accountable and expect that if he acts out at school, there will be consequences waiting for him at home. Of course, the importance being to be consistent about it. So, just a couple thoughts to consider. Hope they help!
You need to find out his motivations for hurting other kids. Is he aggressing against weaker kids for no clear apparent reason, or is this his way of defending himself against kids who are at advantage and he feels helpless?
I'm curious about "he's never been this constant with acting out". So in general, these behaviors aren't really new you're just surprised to see them so often?
I'm curious about "he's never been this constant with acting out". So in general, these behaviors aren't really new you're just surprised to see them so often?
No he's never been this constant in acting out , and again a return trip to the principle and can't go to school till Monday. And I ask him why he hit he says he doesn't know and knows that it's bad to hit. So I've changed how we discipline because previous methods were going no where, if he has an issue at school like hitting he comes home and does sentences saying " I will not hit" and he says it as he writes it to not only write words but learn them as well, and he sits there writing the three pages worth, his teacher and I write notes on what transpired through the day and is constant not listening or sitting still on the carpet or in a chair so I don't know what to do now we have charts so he can see the good days and work towards a prize by acting better but we will go two days with just listening issues and then a bad day where he hits somebody ................
I have an alternative to sentence writing that you might be interested in. It is called 'Report Writing'. I find this technique to be much more effective than writing sentences primarily because it has the child take responsibility for their behavior without all the meaningless writing. If he can write sentences, he should be able to write a report.
The report consists of 4 questions he must answer. You decide how many sentences he must write per question. You can add questions that are pertinent to the situation. Finally, in order for the discipline to end, the report must be logical, clearly written, and neat.
Even though this is a one-page report, this discipline can be difficult for kids to accomplish because they MUST take responsibility for their behavior.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TB1BumnL1V1jSlhU-PmnoxizSGWycsiffzCsQ0symPg/edit?usp=sharing
The report consists of 4 questions he must answer. You decide how many sentences he must write per question. You can add questions that are pertinent to the situation. Finally, in order for the discipline to end, the report must be logical, clearly written, and neat.
Even though this is a one-page report, this discipline can be difficult for kids to accomplish because they MUST take responsibility for their behavior.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TB1BumnL1V1jSlhU-PmnoxizSGWycsiffzCsQ0symPg/edit?usp=sharing
COMMUNITY LEADER
Um, there is a big difference between copying sentences and writing sentences. I think Marks idea would be a good one for an older child. But as you said, your son has said he doesn't know why he is hitting.
The standards for behavioral modification for your kids is pretty easy. Be immediate and be constant. Doing something once he comes home (at this age) as you have found out is not usually successful. In fact, as a retired principal, I normally feel it is the schools responsibility to deal with the situation because of the immediacy of the action.
What you can do is to work on and practice with him alternatives to hitting. There are some great books that are aimed at kids of this age.
"Hands are not for Hitting" http://www.amazon.com/Hands-Hitting-Ages-Best-Behavior/dp/1575420775
"Cool down and work through Anger" http://www.amazon.com/Cool-Through-Anger-Learning-Along%C2%AE/dp/1575423464/ref=pd_sim_b_2?ie=UTF8&refRID=0B4W643Q6ZMYXQHH5G6B
And others listed on this Amazon site. These are meant to be read to him and then practiced again and again. They also help to develop a common vocabulary that he and his teacher can use.
Hope this helps.
The standards for behavioral modification for your kids is pretty easy. Be immediate and be constant. Doing something once he comes home (at this age) as you have found out is not usually successful. In fact, as a retired principal, I normally feel it is the schools responsibility to deal with the situation because of the immediacy of the action.
What you can do is to work on and practice with him alternatives to hitting. There are some great books that are aimed at kids of this age.
"Hands are not for Hitting" http://www.amazon.com/Hands-Hitting-Ages-Best-Behavior/dp/1575420775
"Cool down and work through Anger" http://www.amazon.com/Cool-Through-Anger-Learning-Along%C2%AE/dp/1575423464/ref=pd_sim_b_2?ie=UTF8&refRID=0B4W643Q6ZMYXQHH5G6B
And others listed on this Amazon site. These are meant to be read to him and then practiced again and again. They also help to develop a common vocabulary that he and his teacher can use.
Hope this helps.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh, I was going to add that Rockroses idea of going to school and watching him is an excellent idea! You really need more info. Is all the hitting being done on the playground? You said, I think, that he is consistently not listening or sitting still. While this is kind of common for a 5 year old. It sounds like he is much worse then the other kids in the room? Do you notice him having this problem at home? Another reason to check out the classroom is to make sure that the teacher is not unusually strict. A good kindergarten teacher never has the kids in one spot very long. They are always moving around. Especially at the start of the year.
And as I asked earlier - does he have any older brothers or sisters? I am trying to figure out if this is a learned response of if there is something else going on.
And as I asked earlier - does he have any older brothers or sisters? I am trying to figure out if this is a learned response of if there is something else going on.
I think this is the reason why so many kids fail to take responsibility for their behavior. They usually say, 'I don't know why I did it.' and the parent usually believes them. This is one way for a child to manipulate the situation.
I have been a therapist for decades and I never met a child who truly didn't know why they acted the way they did. Often times, kids require and incentive (discipline) to get them to verbalize their intent. Once they do, this can be very therapeutic. But if we simply allow kids to say 'I don't know why I did it', this will give the child the green light to continue their misbehavior.
Regarding report writing, I don't know if this 5 year old will be able to complete this form of discipline by writing a report given his age and writing abilities. However, I have taught many parents that for kids that don't have the writing skills, there isn't anything wrong with making this an oral report as it accomplishes the same thing.
The bottom line is that all kids (and adults) need to take responsibility of their behavior. Age should never be a factor. As long as they are smart enough to misbehave, they are smart enough to own their behavior.
I have been a therapist for decades and I never met a child who truly didn't know why they acted the way they did. Often times, kids require and incentive (discipline) to get them to verbalize their intent. Once they do, this can be very therapeutic. But if we simply allow kids to say 'I don't know why I did it', this will give the child the green light to continue their misbehavior.
Regarding report writing, I don't know if this 5 year old will be able to complete this form of discipline by writing a report given his age and writing abilities. However, I have taught many parents that for kids that don't have the writing skills, there isn't anything wrong with making this an oral report as it accomplishes the same thing.
The bottom line is that all kids (and adults) need to take responsibility of their behavior. Age should never be a factor. As long as they are smart enough to misbehave, they are smart enough to own their behavior.
COMMUNITY LEADER
One of the early things I learned as a lifeguard, teacher, - was not to ask a kid why they did it. If they did it, I dealt with it and didn't ask why. And they usually quit doing it. In the late 70's I begin to realize that there were some kids who my normal means of dealing with them did not work. They would keep breaking rules. That was when I started to realize that not all kids are the same. I had a great school psychologist when I was a Principal. I attended every IEP we had for children and really learned that there are some kids that don't know why they did it. Usually, because they don't realize they did it. It was just an instantaneous reaction. Its not just that I have witnessed this many times over decades, its well documented in literature.
Point being, I have been involved with kids for close to 50 years. I have personally met and witnessed kids who did not know why they did it. And these are kids that I have spent 180 days, 6 hours a day with. Having said that, the majority of kids did know why they did it. And I certainly AGREE with what you say for those kids.
I don't have enough information to know what is going on with this child. It is very possible that he is capable of knowing what he is doing. I've got no idea.
What you are suggesting is a form of therapy, not discipline for their behavior. (Its not immediate). I do think it would be appropriate for older kids if the parents then sit down and discuss the matter with them. And, perhaps, with younger kids an oral report might work. But, you are then trusting the parent (who probably wants to punish the child) to become the therapist. That's why I like the books I suggested. It gives both the child and the parent guidelines.
So, long story short, while I agree with most of your ideas for older kids. I don't believe that if all kids "are smart enough to misbehave, they are smart enough to own their behavior." Some kids are not capable of doing that. Whether this child fits into this catagory - I have no idea.
Point being, I have been involved with kids for close to 50 years. I have personally met and witnessed kids who did not know why they did it. And these are kids that I have spent 180 days, 6 hours a day with. Having said that, the majority of kids did know why they did it. And I certainly AGREE with what you say for those kids.
I don't have enough information to know what is going on with this child. It is very possible that he is capable of knowing what he is doing. I've got no idea.
What you are suggesting is a form of therapy, not discipline for their behavior. (Its not immediate). I do think it would be appropriate for older kids if the parents then sit down and discuss the matter with them. And, perhaps, with younger kids an oral report might work. But, you are then trusting the parent (who probably wants to punish the child) to become the therapist. That's why I like the books I suggested. It gives both the child and the parent guidelines.
So, long story short, while I agree with most of your ideas for older kids. I don't believe that if all kids "are smart enough to misbehave, they are smart enough to own their behavior." Some kids are not capable of doing that. Whether this child fits into this catagory - I have no idea.
The comments I made in my last post were general and not specific to the child in question as is this post. All that we could do in this forum is provide suggestions/recommendations based on what we believe might be helpful. However, without conducting thorough interviews, it is hard to assess whether any intervention will truly be effective.
Every decision we make and action we take or engage in typically stems from a thought or a set of thoughts that we experience at that time. We typically do not act or react from a vacuum. Those that act without experiencing thoughts usually suffer from a medical or psychiatric condition that warrants immediate treatment for their safety and the safety of others. For instance, tics do not occur from experiencing thoughts. However, generally speaking, physically assaultive behavior does occur from experiencing thoughts.
Accepting responsibility for our behavior is one of the most difficult and challenging tasks to engage in primarily because it can be a very humiliating, humbling, and embarrassing experience. It is much easier to say 'I don't know why I did it' than to take ownership for this very reason.
The goal of discipline isn't to make kids feel bad about themselves. It is to help them learn so that they don't make the same mistake again. The only way they can do this is to own their behavior. There is no other way.
If I learned early on that all I needed to do to get out of discipline or to avoid experiencing negative feelings as noted above was to say 'I don't know why I did it', I would have said this all of the time after I misbehaved. Making this statement is much easier than taking ownership.
Regarding discipline, how effective is discipline if the child never takes ownership of his/her behavior? Do you really need to be of a certain age to take ownership of behavior? I believe that it is the responsibility of every parent, regardless of the age of his/her child, to provide consequences (discipline) that encourages kids to take responsibility for their behavior without trying to find excuses for the behavior. Additionally, it is the responsibility of every parent to help his/her child process the thoughts that led to the behavior and help them find an acceptable alternative to their behavior. This process may be therapeutic but it certainly isn't therapy. This is simply old fashion, common sense discipline!
Every decision we make and action we take or engage in typically stems from a thought or a set of thoughts that we experience at that time. We typically do not act or react from a vacuum. Those that act without experiencing thoughts usually suffer from a medical or psychiatric condition that warrants immediate treatment for their safety and the safety of others. For instance, tics do not occur from experiencing thoughts. However, generally speaking, physically assaultive behavior does occur from experiencing thoughts.
Accepting responsibility for our behavior is one of the most difficult and challenging tasks to engage in primarily because it can be a very humiliating, humbling, and embarrassing experience. It is much easier to say 'I don't know why I did it' than to take ownership for this very reason.
The goal of discipline isn't to make kids feel bad about themselves. It is to help them learn so that they don't make the same mistake again. The only way they can do this is to own their behavior. There is no other way.
If I learned early on that all I needed to do to get out of discipline or to avoid experiencing negative feelings as noted above was to say 'I don't know why I did it', I would have said this all of the time after I misbehaved. Making this statement is much easier than taking ownership.
Regarding discipline, how effective is discipline if the child never takes ownership of his/her behavior? Do you really need to be of a certain age to take ownership of behavior? I believe that it is the responsibility of every parent, regardless of the age of his/her child, to provide consequences (discipline) that encourages kids to take responsibility for their behavior without trying to find excuses for the behavior. Additionally, it is the responsibility of every parent to help his/her child process the thoughts that led to the behavior and help them find an acceptable alternative to their behavior. This process may be therapeutic but it certainly isn't therapy. This is simply old fashion, common sense discipline!
Most of the advice that I give comes from personal experience as a parent but do have a related professional background. I think theories and such are all well and good but can be quite different when put into practice for children. I had someone tell me--- a colleague--- that we can give advice that is book smart but it is never as relevant as when we've lived it ourselves and give advice from experience. That's just my two sense. I do really value Sandman's advice as an educator for a very long time having worked in the capacity to see not just a client base improve but a large school of children grow.
My experience is that punishment after school for what goes on in school is insult to injury. School is hard on some kids. And while I would be frustrated, furious, sad for what happened----- it didn't help to improve things by punishing when my kids were young after the day. I tried. Didn't help. My concept was to work on strategies to use DURING the day for my kids to cope better and do better. And, thankfully, my kids are on the right track. Even with one having developmental issues that show themselves in behavior.
This is far different than not providing discipline. My kids have firm boundaries and are disciplined appropriately. They respect me. And they respect adults such as their teachers.
So, I whole heartedly agree that I would not have punishment waiting for my kindergartener when he gets home. Rewards? Perhaps. But instead, I'd work with his teacher/principal on behavior AT school. I'd volunteer as much as possible to be in the classroom and see what is going on. I'd work on play dates to build interpersonal relationships with peers as often the discomfort with peers and the class room environment leads to bad behavior, and I'd wait for my child to arrive home with a warm hug and a snack. And the books mentioned are excellent. I used those myself.
When a child exhibits anger the BEST thing a parent can do is to take on the challenge of teaching anger management to their child. It's easy to put a kid in time out but much more difficult to give them life long tools of working through the anger in appropriate ways.
We can talk about things and work about things but agree that punishment for that age range must be immediate and parents should be sensitive that bad behavior in school is often a symptom of other things going on. Work on the other things, the behavior gets better.
good luck to the poster
My experience is that punishment after school for what goes on in school is insult to injury. School is hard on some kids. And while I would be frustrated, furious, sad for what happened----- it didn't help to improve things by punishing when my kids were young after the day. I tried. Didn't help. My concept was to work on strategies to use DURING the day for my kids to cope better and do better. And, thankfully, my kids are on the right track. Even with one having developmental issues that show themselves in behavior.
This is far different than not providing discipline. My kids have firm boundaries and are disciplined appropriately. They respect me. And they respect adults such as their teachers.
So, I whole heartedly agree that I would not have punishment waiting for my kindergartener when he gets home. Rewards? Perhaps. But instead, I'd work with his teacher/principal on behavior AT school. I'd volunteer as much as possible to be in the classroom and see what is going on. I'd work on play dates to build interpersonal relationships with peers as often the discomfort with peers and the class room environment leads to bad behavior, and I'd wait for my child to arrive home with a warm hug and a snack. And the books mentioned are excellent. I used those myself.
When a child exhibits anger the BEST thing a parent can do is to take on the challenge of teaching anger management to their child. It's easy to put a kid in time out but much more difficult to give them life long tools of working through the anger in appropriate ways.
We can talk about things and work about things but agree that punishment for that age range must be immediate and parents should be sensitive that bad behavior in school is often a symptom of other things going on. Work on the other things, the behavior gets better.
good luck to the poster
So, for the poster, this is definitely concerning behavior as it deals with harm to other kids. I'm sure this is upsetting to you too and the school has to do their very best to keep everyone from getting hurt . . . even if it is just a pinch. You want the other kids to have a good school experience too.
And in truth, figuring this behavior out is important because you want your son to have friends and kids to want to let him join in and that is difficult if he is hurting them.
So, I am going to ask if this behavior in kindergarten surprises you. What is he like when you are around with other kids? Has he ever been in a classroom environment before? If so, how was that experience? What is he like at the park when other kids are there? Etc.
I'm just curious if he's had issues with peer interaction before.
I personally would talk to him about what's going on. WHY dear son are you pinching Charlie (or whatever the name is)? Not in an angry tone or you're in time out tone but in a 'let's just talk and I'm on your side to figure this out' type of tone. Talk about what happened right before the pinch and what he could have done instead.
Some kids that have issues like my son which is sensory integration disorder--- these kids will have a particularly hard time in school. My own son had trouble in preschool. he didn't know how to do the regular thing of saying "can I play with you guys" and would instead run up and bang into someone. If they were playing with blocks, he'd run over and knock down their block structure. Needless to say, the other kids got mad and the teachers were not happy. So, we worked on how to approach kids, how to use our words, how to play WITH someone, how to handle frustration, disappointment, anger appropriately, etc. For some kids, this just does not come naturally and you really have to guide them along and help them.
And then I'd have play dates at my house supervised by me the entire time where we worked on the skills I was teaching him.
And my son is pretty much the play date pro now. LOL He also has only a once in a while 'talking when he shouldn't be' type of behavior that happens literally like one or two times a school year. He's found ways through our strategies to cope in school. And THAT is the ultimate goal.
I didn't do this through punishment for the bad days but by teaching him HOW to behave. For me, that is a big difference.
good luck
And in truth, figuring this behavior out is important because you want your son to have friends and kids to want to let him join in and that is difficult if he is hurting them.
So, I am going to ask if this behavior in kindergarten surprises you. What is he like when you are around with other kids? Has he ever been in a classroom environment before? If so, how was that experience? What is he like at the park when other kids are there? Etc.
I'm just curious if he's had issues with peer interaction before.
I personally would talk to him about what's going on. WHY dear son are you pinching Charlie (or whatever the name is)? Not in an angry tone or you're in time out tone but in a 'let's just talk and I'm on your side to figure this out' type of tone. Talk about what happened right before the pinch and what he could have done instead.
Some kids that have issues like my son which is sensory integration disorder--- these kids will have a particularly hard time in school. My own son had trouble in preschool. he didn't know how to do the regular thing of saying "can I play with you guys" and would instead run up and bang into someone. If they were playing with blocks, he'd run over and knock down their block structure. Needless to say, the other kids got mad and the teachers were not happy. So, we worked on how to approach kids, how to use our words, how to play WITH someone, how to handle frustration, disappointment, anger appropriately, etc. For some kids, this just does not come naturally and you really have to guide them along and help them.
And then I'd have play dates at my house supervised by me the entire time where we worked on the skills I was teaching him.
And my son is pretty much the play date pro now. LOL He also has only a once in a while 'talking when he shouldn't be' type of behavior that happens literally like one or two times a school year. He's found ways through our strategies to cope in school. And THAT is the ultimate goal.
I didn't do this through punishment for the bad days but by teaching him HOW to behave. For me, that is a big difference.
good luck
To the poster, those are EXCELLENT books. Something else to do after you are done reading them is talk about what he CAN do that is appropriate and acceptable. Act them out for him! If you need a list for things in the classroom he can do, let me know. And then share with the teacher what you told him he CAN do so she is aware and will accommodate.
One other thing I did was to talk about having friends. My son DID desire having friends so we had dialogue all the time that went like this "how do you think that made your friend feel?" "we want our friends to want to sit by us so we have to keep our hands to ourselves," "If you are talking, your friends cant hear the teacher and it upsets them. So be a good friend to them by staying quiet."
That always motivated my child and got him thinking about his behavior and the effect it had on others.
good luck
One other thing I did was to talk about having friends. My son DID desire having friends so we had dialogue all the time that went like this "how do you think that made your friend feel?" "we want our friends to want to sit by us so we have to keep our hands to ourselves," "If you are talking, your friends cant hear the teacher and it upsets them. So be a good friend to them by staying quiet."
That always motivated my child and got him thinking about his behavior and the effect it had on others.
good luck
Books that talk about appropriate behavior is fine but it doesn't replace effective discipline or holding kids accountable for their behavior.
Though some may disagree with disciplining a child at home for bad school behavior, it needs to occur. The most effective discipline, especially for young kids, should occur directly after the misbehavior. However, parents have an obligation to discipline their kids at home for bad school behavior.
Though some may disagree with disciplining a child at home for bad school behavior, it needs to occur. The most effective discipline, especially for young kids, should occur directly after the misbehavior. However, parents have an obligation to discipline their kids at home for bad school behavior.
I think there is a difference of opinion on that. I would not punish my 5 year old for struggling in kindergarten.
I've seen a lot of success not just with my own kids with my concept.
By the way, when my son was in preschool I made the mistake of disciplining and showing such utter disapproval with my son's behavior that it took a negative toll on him. It didn't help. HE was trying but things were in the way of good behavior. Until I addressed 'those things' all discipline did was make him feel like more of a loser,.
Experience tells me that working on root causes is much more effective than discipline right after school when a child is young. When they are older, the 8 to 9 range, fine.
luck to the poster and hope the books work. That really WAS my strategy to help my kids have the tools they needed to make better choices and it worked really well.
I've seen a lot of success not just with my own kids with my concept.
By the way, when my son was in preschool I made the mistake of disciplining and showing such utter disapproval with my son's behavior that it took a negative toll on him. It didn't help. HE was trying but things were in the way of good behavior. Until I addressed 'those things' all discipline did was make him feel like more of a loser,.
Experience tells me that working on root causes is much more effective than discipline right after school when a child is young. When they are older, the 8 to 9 range, fine.
luck to the poster and hope the books work. That really WAS my strategy to help my kids have the tools they needed to make better choices and it worked really well.
I think the good thing is that the poster gets advice from people who care even if it isn't always the same. The poster then can decide what she feel will be best for her child. Perhaps or not even perhaps but definitely there is no right or wrong answer but different strategies to go about helping a child in this situation. I found what worked for mine and am really proud of the work my kids have done to be positive members of their student body.
Over the years, I've realized that the goal is not just getting great behavior out of our kids but also empowering them to make good choices and to feel good about themselves while doing it.
Over the years, I've realized that the goal is not just getting great behavior out of our kids but also empowering them to make good choices and to feel good about themselves while doing it.
I don't agree at all with further punishing young kids at home for something that happened in school. Older kids, sure, but not younger ones. I agree that it just adds insult to injury, and often times, because it's not immediate and in context with the bad behavior (in the moment)...the idea of the discipline gets lost on them anyway.
I think that we need to ask our selves what message gets across to kids, regardless of their age, when they physically assault a student at school and absolutely nothing happens to them at home as if nothing very bad happened at school that day. I wonder if kids would get the impression that they could hurt someone at school but all of their privileges will be completely intact at home that same day.
Additionally, I wonder if we would be giving the wrong impression to our kids as to who their real parent is. The parent should be the one responsible for the behavior of their children at all times. By only having the teacher assume this responsibility for school misbehavior, I wonder if we are sending mixed messages to the child as to who the real parent is. I can only imagine that this issue can be very confusing to a small child in particular.
I totally agree that the most effective discipline is the one that occurs right away. I believe that wholeheartedly. However, this cannot always occur for reasons beyond our control. Sometimes, discipline has to be delayed. Should I child not be disciplined if the discipline cannot occur immediately? I realize that this isn't the same as the teacher disciplining the child at the time. However, this question is just as relevant.
Additionally, I wonder if we would be giving the wrong impression to our kids as to who their real parent is. The parent should be the one responsible for the behavior of their children at all times. By only having the teacher assume this responsibility for school misbehavior, I wonder if we are sending mixed messages to the child as to who the real parent is. I can only imagine that this issue can be very confusing to a small child in particular.
I totally agree that the most effective discipline is the one that occurs right away. I believe that wholeheartedly. However, this cannot always occur for reasons beyond our control. Sometimes, discipline has to be delayed. Should I child not be disciplined if the discipline cannot occur immediately? I realize that this isn't the same as the teacher disciplining the child at the time. However, this question is just as relevant.
Of course, I cannot speak for teachers, but I honestly don't think that they would prefer to assume the role of parent or disciplinarian of their students. I think that all they want to do is teach them.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Yes, it would be nice if all we had to do was teach our kids. But, in the real world it doesn't happen. I found that parents generally tended to fall into two sets. There were those that had good parenting skills. With their kids, just the threat of a phone call was enough to shape up the child. Unfortunately, for those parents with poor parenting skills - they usually had no clue and sometimes made things worse. It was much more effective to change the child's behavior at school. (And that's one reason why the DSM guidelines say behavior has to happen at both school and home over a period of 6 months). Consequently, I never asked a parent to discipline there child. Either the parent was already doing it or I was able to do it immediately much more effectively. Of course, if you are a new, or struggling teacher then you might call out for help from home.
As a middle school vice-principal I had a motto on my desk - "Show me, don't tell me". I found that the kids would say or write anything to get out of their situation. So they could "own" up to what they did all day long, but until there actions proved it - I watched them like a hawk.
Anyway, we have really spent too much time philosophizing on this post. We need a separate one for our own discussions. Hopefully, we can get back to this specific poster and her predicament.
As a middle school vice-principal I had a motto on my desk - "Show me, don't tell me". I found that the kids would say or write anything to get out of their situation. So they could "own" up to what they did all day long, but until there actions proved it - I watched them like a hawk.
Anyway, we have really spent too much time philosophizing on this post. We need a separate one for our own discussions. Hopefully, we can get back to this specific poster and her predicament.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Child Behavior Community
Fearing autism, many parents aren't vaccinating their kids. Can doctors reverse this dangerous trend?
Is a gluten-free diet right for you?
We answer your top questions about the flu vaccine.
Learn which over-the-counter medicines are safe for you and your baby
Yummy eats that will keep your child healthy and happy
Healing home remedies for common ailments
