My 7 year old is throwing fits constantly

[Asherra]

Help!

My step-daughter is throwing fits constantly.  She has just turned 7 and is constantly crying and throwing tantrums when she does not get her way.  We have her about 90 % of the time and I would say about 75% of that time she is wonderful and we have a almost ‘mother/daughter’ relationship.  We are as close as you can probably be and not be biologically related.  However when the slightest thing goes awry, she gets teary eyed and starts to cry.  Those teary eyed moments turn into full blown, two hour tantrums that fill the house with her screams and streaks!   I’m not sure why this behavior has persisted since her father and I never give in to temper-tantrums.  I have tried talking to her, telling her that its not ‘ok’ and why her behavior is inappropriate (in a way she can understand),  I have tried walking away, sending her to a quiet place to ‘cool off”, I have tried the ‘OK.. as soon as you are calm we can deal with the problem.. but you have to be calm to talk to me’ method.  Nothing is working.  I feel like a failure because I cant seem to effectively instill the concept of good behavior in her.  She is an emotional child, we know this.  We also know that there are abandonment problems with her bio-mom which we are working out with counseling.  But in the mean time.. how do we stop these horrid tantrums??  

[babygirl6152]

so the praising is good- I think you know that- you said 75% of the time you are together is lovely--- and I see you being a wonderful mom-  her mom abandoned her- she seems to have bonded with you just fine

and what you want to know is how to stop the tantrums?

Is she average intelligence? Above average intelligence?

If you were to guess (first idea that pops into your mind)- is this a behavior she can control or is she so overly emotional you think she can't help it at all?

let's say she can control it and she is average intelligence- Let's say she understands that it is not allowed and she has full power of stopping it- more like a willful tantrum?/ You don't have to keep explaining all this to her- you don't have to remind her to be calm- and I think what you are doing IS working- just do not give the tantrum ANY reaction whatsoever- beside one phrase- use it and step aside- such as- "It will be ok"- lead her to her room- close the door and go about your business- do not react in the slightest- do not get emotional and above all don't be so hard on yourself- you are rearing someone else's child and it is HARD- not easy to raise any child that is emotionally insecure-  chin up- it's working- maybe just slower than you'd like-

hugs momma

[margypops]

I can only echo what My Boyz has said in her Post, focus on the positive side of her behavior, and praise her when you see her doing something good,is she an only child or has a new sibling arrived recently as it takes some children time to adjust from being the only one.

[MyBoyz]

My son does the same thing. For the most part he is a perfectly normal very mannered child. Then something sets him off and he starts screaming and you I cant seem to talk him out of it. I have tried putting him in his room and telling him he cant come out till he can talk calmy. It worked for a time but now he is having problems in school.  My son is also dealing with the loss of his father who refuses to have contact with him. My sons school is taking actions like removing the class when he has problems. What was encouraged is using behavior charts and rewarding good behavior. They say that it works faster. We are trying it now so far so good.     Good luck.