Aa
3 year old behaviors - do I need to be concerned?
Hi all, it's been a long time. My little guy is now 3 1/2 and I want to run a few things by you here as I have always got such great feedback. So thanks in advance.
My son is a great kid. He is 3 1/2, in preschool and seems to love it. However, a few concerning behaviors have arisen that make me wonder if there is something I could be doing better as his mother?
First off, he has recently started hitting. He has a fabulous vocabulary, far beyond his years, and he expresses himself well in terms of telling me is mad or sad or whatever the case may be. However, recently, instead of using his words, he hits. At home it is pretty much just me. He immediately gets sent to his room, and his father (bio father, my husband) backs me up completely. He also tells him that is not ok. He see's no violent behavior at home, he is not yet allowed video games and tv is extremely limited. He see's Disney Jr. or Treehouse in the morning. We recently had an experience at his preschool where another child was bullying him. Hitting him to the point that my son did not want to go. I was picking him up one day when this other child just walked over and for no reason belted him. Ryder (my son) told him "no thank you, I don't like that" and the child belted him again. I looked at my son and whispered "hit him back". My son did, and that ended the problem. However, now he seems to think it is ok to hit as a response to frustration or being mad. Clearly I did not handle the situation with the other child properly, I shouldn't have told him to hit him back, but I was trying to do right. I was trying to teach my son he could in fact defend himself. That seems to have been the start of his hitting as he doesn't seem to understand the difference between defending himself because someone hit him vs. using his words the majority of the time which is appropriate. Now I don't know how to fix it.
The other concern is that when chastised for this behavior, he gets almost a blank look on his face. Like a stare that I cannot explain, but it worries me. If I am sharp with him, or someone tells him no, he responds by what we call "rawring". In other words, he makes himself as big as possible and roars at people (yep, roars) like an animal (or as he says, a dinosaur).
A bit of background...early walker, never a great sleeper (only sleeps well with me and my husband, not on his own), very difficult potty training - he still has accidents regularly, and being wet or dirty in his "big boy" underwear does not bother him in the slightest. On the flip side, very bright, great vocabulary, for the most part has good social skills with no major problems in daycare or preschool. The hitting thing is still new enough that other kids still play with him. Very very busy and active physically, likes to wrestle and roughhouse and seems to be in constant motion. He can sit and be read to for 2 or 3 stories and will watch the odd rainy day movie we watch. Overall health is good. Family is intact and healthy emotionally - nothing inappropriate happening at home that he is witnessing or anything.
Sorry so long, I am just worried about his recent behavior and wonder if any of you might have any insight? I am worrying a bit about hyperactivity or perhaps other challenges? Only child, so nothing to compare to. Thank you so much, I appreciate it.
My son is a great kid. He is 3 1/2, in preschool and seems to love it. However, a few concerning behaviors have arisen that make me wonder if there is something I could be doing better as his mother?
First off, he has recently started hitting. He has a fabulous vocabulary, far beyond his years, and he expresses himself well in terms of telling me is mad or sad or whatever the case may be. However, recently, instead of using his words, he hits. At home it is pretty much just me. He immediately gets sent to his room, and his father (bio father, my husband) backs me up completely. He also tells him that is not ok. He see's no violent behavior at home, he is not yet allowed video games and tv is extremely limited. He see's Disney Jr. or Treehouse in the morning. We recently had an experience at his preschool where another child was bullying him. Hitting him to the point that my son did not want to go. I was picking him up one day when this other child just walked over and for no reason belted him. Ryder (my son) told him "no thank you, I don't like that" and the child belted him again. I looked at my son and whispered "hit him back". My son did, and that ended the problem. However, now he seems to think it is ok to hit as a response to frustration or being mad. Clearly I did not handle the situation with the other child properly, I shouldn't have told him to hit him back, but I was trying to do right. I was trying to teach my son he could in fact defend himself. That seems to have been the start of his hitting as he doesn't seem to understand the difference between defending himself because someone hit him vs. using his words the majority of the time which is appropriate. Now I don't know how to fix it.
The other concern is that when chastised for this behavior, he gets almost a blank look on his face. Like a stare that I cannot explain, but it worries me. If I am sharp with him, or someone tells him no, he responds by what we call "rawring". In other words, he makes himself as big as possible and roars at people (yep, roars) like an animal (or as he says, a dinosaur).
A bit of background...early walker, never a great sleeper (only sleeps well with me and my husband, not on his own), very difficult potty training - he still has accidents regularly, and being wet or dirty in his "big boy" underwear does not bother him in the slightest. On the flip side, very bright, great vocabulary, for the most part has good social skills with no major problems in daycare or preschool. The hitting thing is still new enough that other kids still play with him. Very very busy and active physically, likes to wrestle and roughhouse and seems to be in constant motion. He can sit and be read to for 2 or 3 stories and will watch the odd rainy day movie we watch. Overall health is good. Family is intact and healthy emotionally - nothing inappropriate happening at home that he is witnessing or anything.
Sorry so long, I am just worried about his recent behavior and wonder if any of you might have any insight? I am worrying a bit about hyperactivity or perhaps other challenges? Only child, so nothing to compare to. Thank you so much, I appreciate it.
Well, I wanted to update as to what we have done and the results.
Every single morning on the way to school we now talk about hitting/biting. It's so routine now that I ask him "what are the rules honey" and he says "we don't use our hands to hurt and we only use our teeth for chewing food". We then heap on the praise about how proud we are, what a big boy he is, and we know he can do it. We talk a lot about different things we can do when we are mad, or feel frustrated, and he's getting it. We haven't had an incident in well over a week now. It's actually become a bit of a game. When I pick him up he runs to me saying "mommy, I didn't hit or bite, I did it mommy, I did it". This is followed by a big high five, hug and heap on the praise. The sleeping thing is still an issue, but we seem to have come to an agreement. Once he is in bed, he has to stay there, only allowed to come out to potty. I keep a small cup of water by the bed for him getting thirsty, and let him have a book to look at after story. But no getting up. So big progress on the hitting/biting and minor progress on the sleeping. I thought I'd update in case others are going through the same thing.
Every single morning on the way to school we now talk about hitting/biting. It's so routine now that I ask him "what are the rules honey" and he says "we don't use our hands to hurt and we only use our teeth for chewing food". We then heap on the praise about how proud we are, what a big boy he is, and we know he can do it. We talk a lot about different things we can do when we are mad, or feel frustrated, and he's getting it. We haven't had an incident in well over a week now. It's actually become a bit of a game. When I pick him up he runs to me saying "mommy, I didn't hit or bite, I did it mommy, I did it". This is followed by a big high five, hug and heap on the praise. The sleeping thing is still an issue, but we seem to have come to an agreement. Once he is in bed, he has to stay there, only allowed to come out to potty. I keep a small cup of water by the bed for him getting thirsty, and let him have a book to look at after story. But no getting up. So big progress on the hitting/biting and minor progress on the sleeping. I thought I'd update in case others are going through the same thing.
btw...a story for you from today. It would be funny if it wasn't so frustrating and sad for the other child involved.
Every morning on the way in Ryder and I have been talking about ways to handle it if he gets mad. We end it with me reminding him not to hit before hug and kiss goodbye. Today I picked him up and as he ran up to me he said "mommy mommy, I didn't hit today, I didn't hit". As I was telling him how proud I was of him, his teacher gave me an incident report. He bit a little girl - and pretty hard it seems. When I asked him why, he said "mommy, you said not to hit anymore, so I bit her"....arrrghhhh! So tonight we talked about both. Clearly I need to be very specific.
I had a good chat though with both his teacher and the Director. They both said that this new behavior is very out of character for him (he has gone there for over 2 years now). They really think that a big part of it is the change in rooms now that he is full time in the Preschool (he was spending part days there for quite some time, but his main room was still the toddler room). They said the permanent move has taken him from being one of the oldest kids to being the youngest. They said most of the time he is still playing well with the other kids, it's just these incidents where he has changed his method of handling being mad or frustrated. They are working with me and that helps a great deal. We are trying to use consistency in how it's dealt with at home and there so that the message is clear.
Every morning on the way in Ryder and I have been talking about ways to handle it if he gets mad. We end it with me reminding him not to hit before hug and kiss goodbye. Today I picked him up and as he ran up to me he said "mommy mommy, I didn't hit today, I didn't hit". As I was telling him how proud I was of him, his teacher gave me an incident report. He bit a little girl - and pretty hard it seems. When I asked him why, he said "mommy, you said not to hit anymore, so I bit her"....arrrghhhh! So tonight we talked about both. Clearly I need to be very specific.
I had a good chat though with both his teacher and the Director. They both said that this new behavior is very out of character for him (he has gone there for over 2 years now). They really think that a big part of it is the change in rooms now that he is full time in the Preschool (he was spending part days there for quite some time, but his main room was still the toddler room). They said the permanent move has taken him from being one of the oldest kids to being the youngest. They said most of the time he is still playing well with the other kids, it's just these incidents where he has changed his method of handling being mad or frustrated. They are working with me and that helps a great deal. We are trying to use consistency in how it's dealt with at home and there so that the message is clear.
Hmm..you could be onto something there. He does often say "mommy, I need you to sleep with me". We very intentionally don't do that as we don't want him dependent on us to get to sleep (I don't want to go to bed at 8, I'd never get laundry or housework done..lol). So our bedtime routine is much like yours, except he goes to bed in our bed instead of his own. But it's certainly worth trying. I dread it though..anytime we have tried to get him to transition to his own room it has been a nightmare! I guess I sort of took the pick my battles route as we really don't mind sleeping with him (ok, I love the extra snuggle time..lol). But he has not been a good sleeper since birth. He woke to eat every hour or so as a newborn and sleep has really been a bit of a battle his whole life. We keep it calm, so battle isn't the right word, but it's never been easy. I am going to buy one of those weighted blankets. And tonight I have him warm milk before teeth brushing time. I had forgotten that that is a safe and natural way to help promote sleep. Fingers crossed!
I'm glad you take all I say in the light of trying to help because that is exactly all I ever intend to try to do!!
I am really wondering if he does not enjoy when you all go to bed together and he is waiting, putting off until you are close to going yourselves, etc. I just think that it would be worth the effort of having him have his own room.
I just put my boys to bed. It's hard. We run run run all day. And bed time is very sweet. My older son always opens up to me at that time. He tells me things and we then have a conversation about it. Then I go to my younger son's room who will sit there wide awake until I get there. I can lay down with him or just sit with him and he is cuddly and sweet and also will tell me things about his day that he doesn't mention at other times. BUT, it's bed time man. And so I have to be tough. I have to say that their sleep is more important than the chat on a school night. I did not allow any chatting tonight. Was short with them, quick in and out of their room. Makes me a little sad. But it is on ME to find a better time to chat than right before bed.
That's my story. I too have to break patterns that are sweet, comfortable, and great on one hand. I could put them to be earlier but that isn't always realistic with what we have going on. So, I have to get out of their rooms by a certain time from now on rather than being 'lured' into discussion with them (no matter how good it is. NOW, something really special is different but I was noticing a pattern starting with them both). I will find another time to have our sweet moments in the day. But bed is bed and that is an important aspect to our health and well being.
Did not know there was such things as sleep doulas! Hm, maybe a new career path for me??
I am really wondering if he does not enjoy when you all go to bed together and he is waiting, putting off until you are close to going yourselves, etc. I just think that it would be worth the effort of having him have his own room.
I just put my boys to bed. It's hard. We run run run all day. And bed time is very sweet. My older son always opens up to me at that time. He tells me things and we then have a conversation about it. Then I go to my younger son's room who will sit there wide awake until I get there. I can lay down with him or just sit with him and he is cuddly and sweet and also will tell me things about his day that he doesn't mention at other times. BUT, it's bed time man. And so I have to be tough. I have to say that their sleep is more important than the chat on a school night. I did not allow any chatting tonight. Was short with them, quick in and out of their room. Makes me a little sad. But it is on ME to find a better time to chat than right before bed.
That's my story. I too have to break patterns that are sweet, comfortable, and great on one hand. I could put them to be earlier but that isn't always realistic with what we have going on. So, I have to get out of their rooms by a certain time from now on rather than being 'lured' into discussion with them (no matter how good it is. NOW, something really special is different but I was noticing a pattern starting with them both). I will find another time to have our sweet moments in the day. But bed is bed and that is an important aspect to our health and well being.
Did not know there was such things as sleep doulas! Hm, maybe a new career path for me??
Oh my gosh, of course I'm not mad at all. And you are NOT overstepping bounds either. I always appreciate the information and advice, you know that.
Truthfully though, I don't think the co sleeping is an issue. He is like me...once he is out, he is out. He sleeps through everything. We had the fire and ambulance show up at the elderly man across the streets house at 3 am not long ago. Lights going, sirens screaming, right across the street. He didn't even budge. We do enjoy the co sleeping, but if I thought it were part of the problem, I would address it. The challenge with him is not him waking up, but getting him to settle enough to go to sleep in the first place. It's like he can't shut it off. However, it is time to start trying to get him in his own room, and we are going to address it (soon..lol). Hey, did you know they now have sleep doulas?
SM, you know me well enough to know you can say anything to me without fear of me getting angry. Your trying to help, and I appreciate you taking the time to do so.
Truthfully though, I don't think the co sleeping is an issue. He is like me...once he is out, he is out. He sleeps through everything. We had the fire and ambulance show up at the elderly man across the streets house at 3 am not long ago. Lights going, sirens screaming, right across the street. He didn't even budge. We do enjoy the co sleeping, but if I thought it were part of the problem, I would address it. The challenge with him is not him waking up, but getting him to settle enough to go to sleep in the first place. It's like he can't shut it off. However, it is time to start trying to get him in his own room, and we are going to address it (soon..lol). Hey, did you know they now have sleep doulas?
SM, you know me well enough to know you can say anything to me without fear of me getting angry. Your trying to help, and I appreciate you taking the time to do so.
Okay, just in case you don't, I'll go ahead and write it. I honestly would guess the issue has to do with cosleeping in part. If my husband doesn't go to bed at the same time as me and he comes to bed and it jostles me, I wake. Then I cant go back to sleep. And there is a good chance that smart little Ryder is waiting you out for bed time.
I think he will sleep much better in his own room.
I was really tough on it. I didn't waiver. In fact, I've shut the door and said you MAY NOT LEAVE THIS ROOM. I get the bathroom thing but I would have them go before bed. They had water in the room. Night light. blanket. Done. I didn't play at night and I was not sweet . . . at all. And I laid on the "you are going to be so tired tomorrow and you might have a really bad day because of it!". "You might be too tired to play outside." And then when they acted up the next day I'd say "SEE! You ARE tired and that is because you didn't stay in your room and sleep last night. TONIGHT you will have to stay in your room and go to sleep."
I hope I am not overstepping my bounds here. I just think this problem could resolve for him having better sleep patterns in general and his own room would promote that. :>))))))) Hugs???!!!!! (hope you aren't mad)
I think he will sleep much better in his own room.
I was really tough on it. I didn't waiver. In fact, I've shut the door and said you MAY NOT LEAVE THIS ROOM. I get the bathroom thing but I would have them go before bed. They had water in the room. Night light. blanket. Done. I didn't play at night and I was not sweet . . . at all. And I laid on the "you are going to be so tired tomorrow and you might have a really bad day because of it!". "You might be too tired to play outside." And then when they acted up the next day I'd say "SEE! You ARE tired and that is because you didn't stay in your room and sleep last night. TONIGHT you will have to stay in your room and go to sleep."
I hope I am not overstepping my bounds here. I just think this problem could resolve for him having better sleep patterns in general and his own room would promote that. :>))))))) Hugs???!!!!! (hope you aren't mad)
Well...he isn't in his room..lol. He still co sleeps. He goes to bed on his own, but in our bed. We go in after he is asleep. As for what he is doing? He gets up, we take him back, up, back, up, back....and so it goes on.
Thanks for the sites, I appreciate it. And of course all your wonderful help! Your the best!!
Thanks for the sites, I appreciate it. And of course all your wonderful help! Your the best!!
http://www.sensacalm.com/
http://www.affordableweightedblanket.net/
There is a site too if you wanted to make your own.
Oh, should say the above sites are for weighted blankets.
I have a friend that does give her son melatonin to sleep better at night. She swears by it. I'm like you though--- just hate to give ANYTHING. I've been lucky in that my boys are big sleepers and when they haven't wanted to, they responded to my firm "you have to." I realize that this is a bit of a gift.
Sleep absolutely makes a huge difference in behavior and impulse control.
What is he doing in his room from when you put him in bed until 11 or so?
http://www.affordableweightedblanket.net/
There is a site too if you wanted to make your own.
Oh, should say the above sites are for weighted blankets.
I have a friend that does give her son melatonin to sleep better at night. She swears by it. I'm like you though--- just hate to give ANYTHING. I've been lucky in that my boys are big sleepers and when they haven't wanted to, they responded to my firm "you have to." I realize that this is a bit of a gift.
Sleep absolutely makes a huge difference in behavior and impulse control.
What is he doing in his room from when you put him in bed until 11 or so?
I would love the link to a weighted blanket. Of course, I can google it too...lol, just being lazy. Your such a good friend, I appreciate your advice and assistance a great deal.
I was just chatting with my husband about some of the issues we are seeing. He thinks that Ryder is overtired a great deal of the time, and I suspect he is correct. We are pretty strict about bedtime - bedtime routine starts around 7, and by 8 he is in bed, stories have been read and we are kissing him goodnight. However, it is not uncommon for him to still be awake at 10 or 11 pm. We are up around 6, 6:30 and he pretty much refuses to nap now. No question that when he gets 10 to 12 hours sleep he is a much better behaved child. The very rare occasion he stays up late and sleeps as long as he wants, he will happily stay up until midnight and not get up until 11 am. I am by nature a night owl and I suspect he is naturally wired the same way. Obviously life doesn't allow for this kind of schedule, but I think if it did, he would be a happier kid. Not sure how to change this.
He always, without exception, fights us in getting up in the morning. Our morning routine is get up, then cuddles on the couch for a good 15 or 20 minutes. We call it "wakey wakey time". We have to have this time or forget it - he is a total bear.
Thoughts on this? Things like melatonin have been suggested, but I will admit, I am suspicious of the idea of giving him anything to help him sleep. The idea just doesn't sit well with me.
I was just chatting with my husband about some of the issues we are seeing. He thinks that Ryder is overtired a great deal of the time, and I suspect he is correct. We are pretty strict about bedtime - bedtime routine starts around 7, and by 8 he is in bed, stories have been read and we are kissing him goodnight. However, it is not uncommon for him to still be awake at 10 or 11 pm. We are up around 6, 6:30 and he pretty much refuses to nap now. No question that when he gets 10 to 12 hours sleep he is a much better behaved child. The very rare occasion he stays up late and sleeps as long as he wants, he will happily stay up until midnight and not get up until 11 am. I am by nature a night owl and I suspect he is naturally wired the same way. Obviously life doesn't allow for this kind of schedule, but I think if it did, he would be a happier kid. Not sure how to change this.
He always, without exception, fights us in getting up in the morning. Our morning routine is get up, then cuddles on the couch for a good 15 or 20 minutes. We call it "wakey wakey time". We have to have this time or forget it - he is a total bear.
Thoughts on this? Things like melatonin have been suggested, but I will admit, I am suspicious of the idea of giving him anything to help him sleep. The idea just doesn't sit well with me.
Here is my take on the constant wiggling, lack of sleep and excess energy . . . this could just be who he is and not be a problem for him at all. It only becomes a problem when it hinders him or makes him stand out. So, if you don't mention it to the teacher and she starts to say he isn't sitting for story time or he fidgets so much it causes issues for him doing his work or he is distracting. At that time, you decide if it is something to be concerned about.
I know with my son, his issues became more intense each year. Three was a period of wondering and by four, no doubt about it. He too was constant motion, fidgets, etc. You've known my story for a long time and we just found the outlets to his energy to be really key and in class things he can do to calm himself down. for my son, when he is in motion, he is often trying to relax his nervous system. If we did a lot of it out of class, he had less of an issue in class.
But your son is still so young. So, just keep your eye on it. It's not a problem until it becomes a problem, if you know what I mean.
Have an idea about sleep. What about a weighted blanket? I have a friend whose son is not a sleeper and she has loved this addition to his things that help him rest better. We have one too for the 'deep pressure' it provides. This has a known effect on the nervous system and some kids do sleep better with it. ??? If you need a web site to look at, let me know.
It is so hard to leave at those moments Adgal, but you did the right thing. It honestly doesn't take much because as you saw------- kids HATE that.
And baby, when you think of the big mean voice as a way to correct a behavior that must go for everyone's own good . . . the voice doesn't feel quite so 'mean'. :>)
I know with my son, his issues became more intense each year. Three was a period of wondering and by four, no doubt about it. He too was constant motion, fidgets, etc. You've known my story for a long time and we just found the outlets to his energy to be really key and in class things he can do to calm himself down. for my son, when he is in motion, he is often trying to relax his nervous system. If we did a lot of it out of class, he had less of an issue in class.
But your son is still so young. So, just keep your eye on it. It's not a problem until it becomes a problem, if you know what I mean.
Have an idea about sleep. What about a weighted blanket? I have a friend whose son is not a sleeper and she has loved this addition to his things that help him rest better. We have one too for the 'deep pressure' it provides. This has a known effect on the nervous system and some kids do sleep better with it. ??? If you need a web site to look at, let me know.
It is so hard to leave at those moments Adgal, but you did the right thing. It honestly doesn't take much because as you saw------- kids HATE that.
And baby, when you think of the big mean voice as a way to correct a behavior that must go for everyone's own good . . . the voice doesn't feel quite so 'mean'. :>)
Oh, and I should add...when his teacher told me he'd had a great with no hitting, I made a pretty big deal out of it. Told him repeatedly I was so proud of him and that I knew he could. Heaped on the praise. He was beaming, so it surprised me when just an hour later he hit his best friend. I reminded him again about using his words not his hands just before we went over there.
Thanks so much. This forum is so great for both providing great information, advice and reassurance. It's hard not to worry, especially when you do not have another child to compare to, although from what others tell me, you can't compare anyway, even with siblings..lol.
We had another really good chat on the way to school today, talked again about hitting, and I did take the advice given and told him mommy was wrong to tell him to hit back. We talked about different things he could do if he felt mad or frustrated and he promised me he wouldn't hit today. I picked him up, and was told he had a great day - kept his hands to himself the whole day. Unfortunately, tonight while playing with his best friend (the little girl next door - they are 3 weeks apart and hate to be kept apart ever), they had a disagreement over a toy, and he hit her. So, I did as suggested SM. Told him playdate was over and we went home. I felt bad though - both kids were hysterical, clinging to each other and both saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry". But I stuck to my guns and we came home. When he calmed down, I said "when Nathan (that was the kid that was hitting him) hit you all the time, did you want to play with him?" He said no, he didn't like it when Nathan hurt him. So then I said "if you keep hitting Olivia, do you think she will want to play with you?" He agreed that she probably wouldn't. I hope he understood, but I will keep repeating. And I will start taking things away. Honestly, he doesn't really have a favorite toy. We have a climber/swing set in the backyard and he is that kid that always wants to be outside, climbing, jumping, etc. Maybe making him stay indoors for a few hours is part of our answer. I'll work on that for sure. And thanks for the tip of the roaring. I hadn't thought of it as something to correct, but we will address it for sure. I just hadn't looked at it that way, but your right, it's not appropriate.
So you really don't think the constant motion, wiggling and poor sleeping is a concern then? None of these things (the new aggression, or the others listed) on their own really worry me, but the combination?
Who knew this parenting business would be so challenging at times. I can tell you, I have no idea why they call it the terrible twos - 2 was a breeze..lol. 3 has been very difficult at times.
We had another really good chat on the way to school today, talked again about hitting, and I did take the advice given and told him mommy was wrong to tell him to hit back. We talked about different things he could do if he felt mad or frustrated and he promised me he wouldn't hit today. I picked him up, and was told he had a great day - kept his hands to himself the whole day. Unfortunately, tonight while playing with his best friend (the little girl next door - they are 3 weeks apart and hate to be kept apart ever), they had a disagreement over a toy, and he hit her. So, I did as suggested SM. Told him playdate was over and we went home. I felt bad though - both kids were hysterical, clinging to each other and both saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry". But I stuck to my guns and we came home. When he calmed down, I said "when Nathan (that was the kid that was hitting him) hit you all the time, did you want to play with him?" He said no, he didn't like it when Nathan hurt him. So then I said "if you keep hitting Olivia, do you think she will want to play with you?" He agreed that she probably wouldn't. I hope he understood, but I will keep repeating. And I will start taking things away. Honestly, he doesn't really have a favorite toy. We have a climber/swing set in the backyard and he is that kid that always wants to be outside, climbing, jumping, etc. Maybe making him stay indoors for a few hours is part of our answer. I'll work on that for sure. And thanks for the tip of the roaring. I hadn't thought of it as something to correct, but we will address it for sure. I just hadn't looked at it that way, but your right, it's not appropriate.
So you really don't think the constant motion, wiggling and poor sleeping is a concern then? None of these things (the new aggression, or the others listed) on their own really worry me, but the combination?
Who knew this parenting business would be so challenging at times. I can tell you, I have no idea why they call it the terrible twos - 2 was a breeze..lol. 3 has been very difficult at times.
Special mom thanks. You taught me something today about the big mean voice.
Op I was going to recommend karate to help teach self defense and when to use and how to use it appropriately. Hitting is never the answer but hold the person that is harming, blocking the hits or kicks, and running to get help from an adult. I also agree with special mom roaring is the same as pouting and should be handled with and an appropriate punishment.
Op I was going to recommend karate to help teach self defense and when to use and how to use it appropriately. Hitting is never the answer but hold the person that is harming, blocking the hits or kicks, and running to get help from an adult. I also agree with special mom roaring is the same as pouting and should be handled with and an appropriate punishment.
Hello., there. Love Ryder always!! The only thing that is a red flag to me is the roaring when in trouble. That is on the defiant side. I would just worry that he thinks that it is not okay to get in trouble and is angry about it. I would personally discipline for that too and let him know that if he reacts to punishment or chastising THAT way, that this too is on the list of things he's not allowed to do. That whomever is in authority is in charge and that is it and you don't respond with a roar, pout, hit, etc. That getting in trouble is a big deal and he is to give in easier than to roar at you when you do it.
I would consider what other types of punishments might be more effective. My sons didn't really respond to time out well but hated if they lost something they adored. I punished by taking away favorite blankies and pillows. That 'have to have for bed' items. It scared my kids to think of losing those!! I also think that if a hit happens, whatever is going on at the time that is fun is over. Play date? Over. Reading books together? Over. Playing with trains? Over. I never punished for long---- but did it consistently and honestly, no joke. It only took a few times.
Hitting needs to be reigned in. I was on the phone one time with my sister who has raised three wonderful kids! I pray I do as well as her. When my boys were toddlers, one hit the other. I heard my husband raise his voice in a harsh tone. Sounded kind of mean!! I started to ask him to not use that voice and my sister stopped me and said "no way. A dad needs to correct that with a big, mean voice. You do too. No babying at those moments." I let my husband go. I will tell you that the voice made me uncomfortable. But ya know what, it got my kids attention and they don't hit. Just food for thought.
Keep working on the using of the words. And you can talk about his 'stop' button. If he seems to have trouble controlling his impulses, talk about his finding the stop button in his brain and learning to push it. My kids really took that message home. We'd play red light, green light and yellow light and would talk about once the stop light is on, you have to stop. So he has to push his own stop button/ stop light and stop immediately.
Since he is so verbal and is getting able to understand more and more, you can correct yourself from the time you told him to hit. You can tell him that what you hadn't thought of is that some day a bigger, stronger kid could hit him and hurt him. And he'd deserve it because he hit first. So it is best for NO ONE to hit. ?? Worth a try.
Remember to have 'go to' things he can do instead. When mad . . . he can use his words as you have worked on but he can also do other more physical things. Give himself a hug, squeeze his hands, go to a cool down spot, press against his helping hands, take deep breaths, count to 10.
You're doing a great job and they are little works in progress!
I would consider what other types of punishments might be more effective. My sons didn't really respond to time out well but hated if they lost something they adored. I punished by taking away favorite blankies and pillows. That 'have to have for bed' items. It scared my kids to think of losing those!! I also think that if a hit happens, whatever is going on at the time that is fun is over. Play date? Over. Reading books together? Over. Playing with trains? Over. I never punished for long---- but did it consistently and honestly, no joke. It only took a few times.
Hitting needs to be reigned in. I was on the phone one time with my sister who has raised three wonderful kids! I pray I do as well as her. When my boys were toddlers, one hit the other. I heard my husband raise his voice in a harsh tone. Sounded kind of mean!! I started to ask him to not use that voice and my sister stopped me and said "no way. A dad needs to correct that with a big, mean voice. You do too. No babying at those moments." I let my husband go. I will tell you that the voice made me uncomfortable. But ya know what, it got my kids attention and they don't hit. Just food for thought.
Keep working on the using of the words. And you can talk about his 'stop' button. If he seems to have trouble controlling his impulses, talk about his finding the stop button in his brain and learning to push it. My kids really took that message home. We'd play red light, green light and yellow light and would talk about once the stop light is on, you have to stop. So he has to push his own stop button/ stop light and stop immediately.
Since he is so verbal and is getting able to understand more and more, you can correct yourself from the time you told him to hit. You can tell him that what you hadn't thought of is that some day a bigger, stronger kid could hit him and hurt him. And he'd deserve it because he hit first. So it is best for NO ONE to hit. ?? Worth a try.
Remember to have 'go to' things he can do instead. When mad . . . he can use his words as you have worked on but he can also do other more physical things. Give himself a hug, squeeze his hands, go to a cool down spot, press against his helping hands, take deep breaths, count to 10.
You're doing a great job and they are little works in progress!
Thanks. I did meet with the teacher and the Director and was assured they were working with the parents on the situation with this other child. My son was not the only one he was doing this to. Given privacy laws, they couldn't tell me much more.
I guess I just wondered if there were any red flags here. I know early walking can be an early warning sign and the hitting - well, he get's so angry, I can see the frustration in his little face. At home it's when he is told no or something small. He just gets so mad. Then that blank look when you chastise him. That's why I gave you the background as I am trying to figure out where this is coming from. Good social skills are so important to a childs well being. This behavior combined with what almost seems over the top energy worried me a bit I guess.
I know I shouldn't have told him to hit back and have talked to him about it since. I do want him to stand up for himself of course, but we need to work on other strategies. I'll get the book. Thanks so much.
I guess I just wondered if there were any red flags here. I know early walking can be an early warning sign and the hitting - well, he get's so angry, I can see the frustration in his little face. At home it's when he is told no or something small. He just gets so mad. Then that blank look when you chastise him. That's why I gave you the background as I am trying to figure out where this is coming from. Good social skills are so important to a childs well being. This behavior combined with what almost seems over the top energy worried me a bit I guess.
I know I shouldn't have told him to hit back and have talked to him about it since. I do want him to stand up for himself of course, but we need to work on other strategies. I'll get the book. Thanks so much.
It sounds as if you inadvertently taught your son a coping skill to deal with peers who physically assault - hit back. This also sounds like he is now using this approach do deal with other conflicts in his life primarily because it is quicker and easier than using words.
I think that there is nothing wrong to backtrack and to admit making a mistake to your son by telling him that he could hit back. Parents are not perfect and will make mistakes and this important for your son to know. However, a greater mistake would be not to apologize to your son for recommending to hit back.
Why is your son's peers physically attacking him in preschool? Are school officials aware of this behavior? Did that one child get disciplined for this behavior? This isn't bullying half as much as it being a physical assault. I think that it would be appropriate to teach your son to report physically aggressive behavior to adult authority figures. Your child simply should not be physically attacked at preschool. You might need to meet with school officials to make sure they are aware of the situation and to make sure this behavior never occurs again. No child needs to be made a punching bag at school.
I think that there is nothing wrong to backtrack and to admit making a mistake to your son by telling him that he could hit back. Parents are not perfect and will make mistakes and this important for your son to know. However, a greater mistake would be not to apologize to your son for recommending to hit back.
Why is your son's peers physically attacking him in preschool? Are school officials aware of this behavior? Did that one child get disciplined for this behavior? This isn't bullying half as much as it being a physical assault. I think that it would be appropriate to teach your son to report physically aggressive behavior to adult authority figures. Your child simply should not be physically attacked at preschool. You might need to meet with school officials to make sure they are aware of the situation and to make sure this behavior never occurs again. No child needs to be made a punching bag at school.
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Couple of quick thoughts since it is late here.
Probably has learned the hitting at preschool. Now he needs to learn when to hit or not. Not easy at this age. You might look into buying "Cool down and work through anger" or "When I feel angry". This is part of a series of books aimed at 4 to 7 year olds and meant to be read to them at night (several times) and then practiced. Kids do need to be taught how to deal with anger. He should not be allowed to hit you and remember a time out is a minute per age. As far as the bully goes - well, that problem might be over. but I would mention it to the school because that kid will be hitting others.
As far as his other behavior - how he responds. Sounds pretty normal for that age group. Don't worry with his intelligence he will figure out how to change his response to make you happy. And thats the whole point. How he responds then is not important. Its what he learns from the behavior modification. Parents always get hung up (understandably) on the kids response. Kids will learn to fake that. Teach him to communicate. Talk about the situation hours after the fact. That response is much more important.
Probably has learned the hitting at preschool. Now he needs to learn when to hit or not. Not easy at this age. You might look into buying "Cool down and work through anger" or "When I feel angry". This is part of a series of books aimed at 4 to 7 year olds and meant to be read to them at night (several times) and then practiced. Kids do need to be taught how to deal with anger. He should not be allowed to hit you and remember a time out is a minute per age. As far as the bully goes - well, that problem might be over. but I would mention it to the school because that kid will be hitting others.
As far as his other behavior - how he responds. Sounds pretty normal for that age group. Don't worry with his intelligence he will figure out how to change his response to make you happy. And thats the whole point. How he responds then is not important. Its what he learns from the behavior modification. Parents always get hung up (understandably) on the kids response. Kids will learn to fake that. Teach him to communicate. Talk about the situation hours after the fact. That response is much more important.
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