Question about new behavior

[weemzer]

My friend of many years is in the process of getting divorced and has both a twelve year old and an eight year old daughter.  She has told me recently that the eight year old when in the apartment, refuses to let her out of her sight.  She follows her around the apartment, when she has to go down to walk the dog, the younger child has to go with her.  When she goes to pick up another child she watches before her girls go to school, the younger child now wants to go with her.  It is really driving her nuts. (Not literally ,but she doesn't know what to do?)  

Apparently, this all started when the kids heard an argument ensue from the apartment directly above them where someone said something about calling 911.  I don't know if the younger child is scared now or what but we are both concerned.  She always seemed to have some issues, but lately it has been much more and more intenses then normal.  Any insight you can provide would be greatly appreciated.  Thank you.

[kerry63]

Suggest to your friend to ask her daughter again , but in a different way. Perhaps if the three of them sat together for a girlie night in, and talked about everything and anything, the subject of " what is my greatest fear" could be introduced. Mum and elder sister would have to be honest but with some consideration for the more sensitive younger child.This may make her say whats on her mind. If they can find ways to laugh about their fears it will help too. I , with my two daughters called ourselves  The Three Musketeers. Together we feel we can overcome anything.

[weemzer]

I think she was coping well with the impending divorce, however it has appeared to affect her more than her older daughter.  I agree it might have been more to do with there being an argument then what it was about.  There has been some discussion as to whether she has overheard either him or her mother discussing any future plans to move should that become a possibility.  Or possibly him saying if the mother wants to move she can but not witht he kids.  Maybe the child felt the mother might decide to leave which would never happen.  She has asked the child why she is following her around etc, with no results.  As you said, hopefully she will eventually stop on her own.  Just want them both to be alright as the mother has no plans of leaving them withthe father nor would he ever want custody.  He won't even take them the one day during the middle of the week for dinner when he is allowed too.

Thank you for your input.

[kerry63]

You dont say wether the young girl was coping with her parents divorce before the 911 episode. It seems as if shes afraid her mother wont come back, does she still see her father? Perhaps the 911 episode was more about there being an arguement rather than its content, did her parents argue and raise their voices a lot? Your friend could do with asking her daughter why she is following her round, as we can only make blind guesses.  She may eventually stop on her own once whatever is bothering her is satisfied.  Finding out what it is will obviously sort it sooner.