School Issues- Kindergarten

[ANS04]

My son is 5 years old. For the last few years we have noticed an array of different behavior problems. They have ranged from inability to focus, hyperactivity, aggression, preference of being around adults instead of children and so on. The first thought was ADHD...but after two years of working hard with him...ADHD does not seem to fit. I have researched anxiety disorders, dyslexia, oppositional defiant disorder, autism and so on. Nothing seems to fit just right.
So here is what we are currently facing...
At home my son has improved tremendously. His hyperactivity has died down and he seems more like a typical 5 year old boy. He generally listens on the first try or at least by the second. If he is tired...it could take five times or more. He is sweet...caring...affectionate...thoughtful...very attentive...overall a fun loving kid. As long as he is around adults...this is the behavior he shows. Most the comments we receive are...what a well behaved lovable boy. He shows little to no aggression...never uses bad words...is clear on what is right from wrong.
At school...he seems to be a completely different child. Since day one we have had issues. What started as a concern with him sitting quietly or participating with other children quickly developed into much more serious concerns. According to his teacher and the staff at the school my son show's aggression (hitting, kicking), he says bad words, treats kids poorly (name calling, destroying their papers), isolates himself, wont participate...it goes on and on.
We have met with the school many times...my son has been sent to the principals office countless times...he has been suspended once. We have a big meeting coming up soon to evaluate him for special ed. The teacher is stating she feels my son will fail Kindergarten because he is not academically up to standards. However, I work with my son twice a day on homework and he is academically "average" in reading/writing and advanced in mathematics and language/communication. He can relate to and understand adult concepts. His memory is outstanding...he remembers things from when he was two that even I forgot. He asks lots of questions and unlike typical children doesnt accept the basic answer...he digs deeper. My son is very aware that he is treated different at school and on the bus...he states this makes him sad. When asked if he likes school...he states he likes/misses his teacher but not the other children. The moment he walks to the school bus...his whole demeanor changes.
What I know to be true is this...my son acts very differently at home vs at school...he has always preferred adults/older children over children his own age...I have witnessed this "poor" behavior the school speaks of when he is around children of his own age or children who are more active/unruly and he does require more focused attention to stay on track and behave (not an independent worker). One last thing...I have noticed that school has greatly influenced his self confidence/worth...he has come home saying he is stupid or ugly and wants a new face. Things he heard at school.
Oh...one more thing...he does know right from wrong...he shows accurate emotions when he has done something wrong...shows remorse...guilt...sadness...
Sorry this was so long...but I am desperate for some answers. For years everyone has "guessed" at what could be the problem...we have tried hundreds of things with him...I want something concrete. I refuse to let my son fail kindergarten...he is smart...gifted I believe...socially/emotionally maybe immature...but too smart to be held back.
Help anyone...ideas....please!

[specialmom]

Hi there.  I was here today and caught your post.  They've started a sensory integration disorder forum here at med help recently (that I am very excited about!!)  and I'd be happy to answer any questions about sensory for you.  Look to the right of this page and you will see 'related communities'  Open the box and you'll see sensory integration disorder.  You can go there and maybe tell me a little about your son!  That would be helpful for me to help you.

my own son was diagnosed with sensory when he was 4 and I know full well the worries of impending school.  If it helps at all, my son is now 8 and going into the 3rd grade and doing terrific.  You can really help a child with sensory.  

[Flick75]

HI specialmom, i have read so many of your comments it seems like im going through similar with my 4 year old son. he has showed been diagnosed with add / od / cd. That was from his GP and Specialist. however i am interested to know about the Sensory disorder. I took him to an OT and she seemed to think this is what he had. she is on holidays for a month. What is the disorder and how can i help my son? what did you do to improve things? He starts school next February and my husband and i are very nervous about this?

Thanks Aussie Mum

[Eartha564]

I understand completely what youre going through, I have these exact feelings towards my 7 year old daughter. She drives me crazy, doesnt listen, acts up in school, on the school bus, at relatives homes. She lies constantly about EVERYTHING, urinates/deficates on herself randomly, steals, etc. I'm at my wits end, i've spanked and punished to no avail. I always threaten to withhold presents on birthdays, christmas, but I never follow through. I'll end up throwing her a birthday party and getting her exactly what she wants for Christmas. I dont specifically praise her when shes good, but we randomly go to the store and i'll let her pick out toys, we go to the movies, festivals, museums, chuck e cheese etc. These are things that we dont do when shes really been acting up. At times I also feel like doing the adoption thing because it gets to the point where im SO stressd from her behavior, I feel like its affecting my health and sanity. Life is too short to be stressed out constantly.

[benjimom]

My son was having a lot of these same issues at school.  Now we have had to move him into a class with others who have issues where he will be more supported.  Personaly I think the 7 year old who is in the classroom really needs a LOT of evaluation, why does he keep failing and why is he so disruptive.  

to me it sounds like there is poor classroom management going on.

Also, I think once a child gets set into a pattern of negativity, it can be hard to break.  

I would set up a mtg with the teacher and if you think it would help bring in the principal.

I took my son also to a child psychiatrist, he does not think my son is ADD/ADHD.  I also took my son to see an OT and they say he has sensory processing disorder and will start undergoing OT treatmeents.  

Also, if you are picking him up early when they call you, this sets up a bad situation too.  The child will act up to get sent home and believe me it will only get worse and worse.  

How is your son doing academically?

Good luck, and keep us updated.  You might want to post a separate post as this one is really long.

[sonnyblak]

I have a 5 year old son who jsut recently started acting up in school as well. He was perfect until xmas break and when he got back he started acting up. He would yell at the other kids when they answered the questions before him. He would kick his chair or throw his papers on the floor if he didnt get his way. I dont know why he acts like this there. I have seen how his behavior changes when we reach school grounds and are about to walk into the gate, its like he gets mad. it is a full kinder class room with 22 kids and he is NOT the only boy who acts up. there is a 7 year old that was held back 2 times becuase of his behavior and he seems to rile up the other kids. they all pick on each other by poking each others heads, faces or hitting each other with their folders and that just sets the kid who got hit off. ive been to the principle and my husband even volunteered in the class a few times but nothing is working. we took him to the dr and she says he is healthy and does not have ADD. he is a sweetheart who doestn say bad words or do those things at home. i dont understand why it is how it is and i dont want him to fail out kinder being there's only one month left. I just got a call from my husband today saying he just picked him up and today was one of the worst days. hitting yelling crying. they took him inot other class rooms and even the principles office. im thinking maybe he needs to change schools. i dont know what to do

[Sandman2]

I can understand your feeling.  Think how his teacher must be feeling.  To her, the wall has got to be even more frustrating.  She knows he needs help and can't provide the help he needs - its like watching a child drown in front of you.  I've been there.  Worse thing is she sees it every single day.

Good thing is that she knows he needs the extra help.  Big difference from the teacher that says he is just lazy.  The fact she feels this way can lead to good things.  One thought I had was that for a child to be in special ed, there must be a discrepancy between achievement and ability.  I don't know if she is experienced enough to have figured this out - but its always possible that she is looking for a way to get him more help, and you need test results to do that.

Main thing is that these things don't happen overnight (sad to say).  You have done a great job getting things moving.  Do find out about the 504, its very important.  I think you have a great resource in this teacher.  Do try and work with her.  Realize she is the messenger, not the person in charge.    If you can - and I know its hard with all that is going on around you - try and relax a bit.  Enjoy your son.  Keep doing those good things at home for him.  Something is happening to make the noticeable  improvements at school, and home has got to be a part of that.   Realize that his teacher is probably also frustrated.  Try and support her.   Do something for yourself, you deserve it.