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Six year old boy kissed another six year old boys penis

My 6 year old son son licked his step-cousins butt and then kissed his penis.  He then told the other child who is also six not to tell.  The other child told his mother.  My sister-in-law and brother-in-law now will not allow my son around their family.  He was 6 years 5 months when this occured with a child who is also 6.  When asked what happened we were told by my son that his dad's neighbor, another boy who is 6, did the same thing to him.  I've taken him to the therapist and school pyschiatrist and they don't see any signs of being sexually abused.  Is this something that occurs with six year old boys or should I seek further intervention?  It's basically broken our family apart.  
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Avatar universal
this happens unfortunately
main thing is to make sure that he doesn't feel shame - he will need to be taught how not to feel shame. Compassion and kindness for self is the way. Also, apologizing the the other boy.
2 Comments
Thank you.  Unfortunately, my son can not even apologize because he is not allowed around the other child.  It's so sad.  I feel that they feel my son is some kind of sexual predator.  It makes me sick.  They actually said their Pediatrician told them they should call CPS on my son!  My son is a baby!  He is only 6 years old!  I don't know what else to do.  
Well, you can't control what the other parents do. It is a shame that they will not provide the opportunity for their son to be shown that your son is sorry for what he did and to explain he didn't know it was wrong. That would be healing for both parties. At this point, your sole focus should be on your son and to make sure that he doesn't feel shame for what he did. We are all just human primates, living in a civilized society, and we now know that that kind of behavior doesn't work when trying to get along with peers. It is crossing a boundary.
Personally, I would make the best out of the situation. Use this moment to practice listening, to teach him how to use words to describe his feelings. Ask him why he wanted to do it? What was it about it that made him want to do it? Did he think it was funny? Do you think it feels nice but you somehow know you aren't supposed to do that? Why did you tell him not to tell his parents? Were you trying to give him something nice? And then empathize. Understand where he is coming from. If he says yes, I think it is nice, I know I feel good there, so I thought maybe he would like it. Then you can tell him, well, yes, it does feel nice there, but that area is very, very personal. That is a place where one needs to be invited. But this is only when you are older. Then talk about sex. Look up age appropriate sex talk. He should know that that is a penis and that this is how he came into being - I'm pretty sure that is age appropriate, but definitely look it up. I think Dr. Phil has something on that. I do agree with him on that point. Sex should be talked about their whole life, but age appropriate. Like the mechanics of it and where do babies come from etc. Adult conversations about it should not be happening, birth control, etc. - none of that at this age. Then you can probably tell him how adults view it. You may be able to say that for yourself, you only let so and so near you. It is that personal. Make sure to tell him that he is only 6 and why would he know that? He wouldn't. There is nothing wrong with what you did and it is totally normal. Meaning that most kids have done this (pretty sure that is true). So, that this is a really good time to give a lesson so that you understand. And that's it! Now you know! All good! Like come from a place of - he is new to earth, he is a good person, he meant well as giving pleasure is meaning well, and now he knows that there is a boundary between peers and that that is one of them! And if he can never play with his cousin again, you be sure to explain how adults sometimes don't understand that children don't have all the answers. They are new to earth. And that it is up to us, the grown ups, to teach. You are going to make mistakes. Mistakes are okay. And you are intelligent and good and you learn from it. Apologize on behalf of them and let him know that maybe one day they will see the truth of the situation, but that this is also a good time to learn how to accept a situation as it is but to be very compassionate and kind to yourself. Always be kind to yourself.
How about that? :)
Avatar universal
Thank you very much!  This is helpful. The latest thing that concerns me is that my sister in law said that her Pediatrician said they should call CPS on my 6-year old.  Doesn't that crazy???    
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