Step Daughters having major problems

[Lisadu]

We have had my 3 step daughters living with us for all most 3 years now. 2 are twins, 12 and Christine is now 10. They were taken away from their mother because she was in and out of mental hospitals and lived with a very abusive husband. They both took ilegal drugs and drank heavy. THey would leave the girls with her mother alot. Anyway, since we have had them the youngest has told many horrible lies about me and has threatened to kill myself, my son who is 3 and her sisters twice, she stands up in the classroom and yells at her teacher. She has no friends and she really has never bonded with anyone here or in her mother's home. Now. about a year ago her older sisterhas started acting just like her. THey are both head strong on doing only what they want to do and will litterly explode if you ask them to do what they dont want to do. They used to make themselves throw up until about a year ago . Theystill bend their fingers in all sorts of weird ways so, their knuckles are swollen and they cant use their hands very well. We have themin counseling currently but, she cant give us anything accept seperation anxiety dissorder because, their mother hasnt had anything to do with them since they were given to us. But,she really never bonded with them so, I guess I dont understand that. They all said about a month ago they were molested by their Mom and Step Dad but, kept taking it back so, I dont know. The therapist dosnt think anything happened after talking to the girls. I dont really understand when we spend special time with them why they seem to act worse after that and they are constantly in comatition for all attention and they will do anything to get it.  Thank You For Your Time..


This discussion is related to temper tantrums and child seperation anxiety disorder.

[Lisadu]

Thank You for the advise and I finally feel like someone is on the same page as I am. I called the counselor and since talking to the girls yesterday she now thinks they have post taumatic disorder and until they talk about their deep dark secrets they are hiding it could take years of therapy to help them. The youngest is going to be put on meds in May.

[althepal39]

I think you need a  much better counselor.  These girls have been traumatized first by their biological parents splitting up (no matter what the circumstance - this is still traumatizing to a child), then by living in such a dysfunctional environment with their mother who was unavailable to fill their emotional needs and their "new Dad" who was abusive.  Then they were taken away from there and now live with their real Dad and "new Mom" and his "new family"..  This is a lot for children to deal with.  And sometimes they can't deal with it and they start to act out in horrible ways - just as you are seeing.   They see you as a "replacement Mom" -and even if their mother was horrible to them - she is still their mother and they may feel as if they are betraying her if they accept you.  There is a lot of emotion involved when kids are put in this situation and alot of adults expect them to just be grateful and adjust to their new life.  Even if it is better than what they were in - they may not be grateful and the adjustment may be very hard.   I would definitely get a new counselor.  I think they may have more problems than just "separation anxiety".    If one of them is saying she wants to kill herself and kill you that's a big red flag that she's in a lot of pain.   They may have attachment disorders where they are afraid to bond with anyone.  They need a lot of compassion, a lot of patience and alot of guidance.  They are lucky to have you in their corner - though they may not realize it or show right now.   Good luck.