Aa
Traveling alone
I could use a second opinion please:
My mother aged 76 has asked my almost 10-year-old son to visit her in Europe over the summer for about a month. It is the first time in 4 years my son has been warming up to the thought. I do not want to stand in his way of exploring the world and some of his genetic roots, however I can not shake off some bad feelings.
- My son has only been away one overnight at a time with his other grandma and usually calls me to negotiate getting picked up before bedtime. He always misses his bed, his toys, his friends, me.
- My son would have to go through a 9-hour flight plus extra hours for departure/arrival to the point where my mother would meet him. From there, both of them would have to take 3 trains for another 6 hours. Altogether around 18 hours travel for my son. But the real reason I am worried is this: My mother is usually quite unaware of her surroundings and has lost my son before for 30 minutes on a playground. I do not worry too much about the flight but about my son getting lost in one of the buzzing train stations or my mother getting sick and him being alone and vulnerable in a large foreign crowd. Nightmare.
- I know my mother would also pass my son around among her friends and acquaintances if they wanted to spend time with him. It would entertain him but by life experience, I don`t trust my mother`s judgement at all. Unfortunately there is no other family close by, so my son would depend on my aging mother and her environment.
- My mother feels I am standing in her way and has written a letter to my son stating he could come, but only without me so I could get some work done. And she has written to the other grandma to encourage my son to be more adventurous and spend the summer in Europe. The other grandma looked at me alarmed and said: "Children are precious. You only have one."
Am I overprotective for all the wrong reasons? What are your thoughts?
Thank you in advance.
My mother aged 76 has asked my almost 10-year-old son to visit her in Europe over the summer for about a month. It is the first time in 4 years my son has been warming up to the thought. I do not want to stand in his way of exploring the world and some of his genetic roots, however I can not shake off some bad feelings.
- My son has only been away one overnight at a time with his other grandma and usually calls me to negotiate getting picked up before bedtime. He always misses his bed, his toys, his friends, me.
- My son would have to go through a 9-hour flight plus extra hours for departure/arrival to the point where my mother would meet him. From there, both of them would have to take 3 trains for another 6 hours. Altogether around 18 hours travel for my son. But the real reason I am worried is this: My mother is usually quite unaware of her surroundings and has lost my son before for 30 minutes on a playground. I do not worry too much about the flight but about my son getting lost in one of the buzzing train stations or my mother getting sick and him being alone and vulnerable in a large foreign crowd. Nightmare.
- I know my mother would also pass my son around among her friends and acquaintances if they wanted to spend time with him. It would entertain him but by life experience, I don`t trust my mother`s judgement at all. Unfortunately there is no other family close by, so my son would depend on my aging mother and her environment.
- My mother feels I am standing in her way and has written a letter to my son stating he could come, but only without me so I could get some work done. And she has written to the other grandma to encourage my son to be more adventurous and spend the summer in Europe. The other grandma looked at me alarmed and said: "Children are precious. You only have one."
Am I overprotective for all the wrong reasons? What are your thoughts?
Thank you in advance.
I agee with those who say he is too young. I would tell your mother that you would like him to come and will come as well. While they go off on some excursions---- you will stay back and do some 'work' at home.
I think feeling like you 'have' to because your mother says so is not really appropriate. This is your child and that is a long way to send him without you. In this day and age, I wouldn't be comfortable either. He's not been with this woman in this way and to expect him to go for a month is rather presumptious of her.
so mother to mother, I'd follow your gut and not send him (even if you feel guilty). good luck
I think feeling like you 'have' to because your mother says so is not really appropriate. This is your child and that is a long way to send him without you. In this day and age, I wouldn't be comfortable either. He's not been with this woman in this way and to expect him to go for a month is rather presumptious of her.
so mother to mother, I'd follow your gut and not send him (even if you feel guilty). good luck
I just got back on here and see some heat evolving...
I get your point when it comes to the flight and the bonding with Grandma per se, no age issues there, Margypops, not now, not in two years.
However, Annie correctly summarized the issues arising beyond the flight, due to my mother`s age, attitude on safety and health. There are no other adults to take on full responsibility for a full month aside from said strangers or acquaintances.
It has been great to receive comments so quickly and it helped me to make up my mind. Thank you.
I get your point when it comes to the flight and the bonding with Grandma per se, no age issues there, Margypops, not now, not in two years.
However, Annie correctly summarized the issues arising beyond the flight, due to my mother`s age, attitude on safety and health. There are no other adults to take on full responsibility for a full month aside from said strangers or acquaintances.
It has been great to receive comments so quickly and it helped me to make up my mind. Thank you.
To make it clear what I meant .seeing as I am being attacked for my opinon.. flight attendants look after the child they are not dumped and left,obviously arrangements are made for the child ,no child is usually left alone, this can be solved by everyone throughout the journey.I think it would be a great vacation for him and as I said would you really be more comfortable in a year or two ? Of course the best scenario would be for him to travel with an adult I will admit but mine when they were 10-12 never came to any harm .I am not heartless I understand your concern ,I still think he would be okay .and the connection with his granma would be great .
She doesn't trust her mom's judgement. The mom is 76 and is likely to pass the 9-year-old on to other people. The kid has to fly across the ocean and get off an airplane and find his grandma. The grandma has been writing to the child against the wishes of the mother to encourage him to take the trip. The child has never had an overnight that didn't involve calling mom to come get him and take him home earlier than anticipated. With respect, margy, none of this adds up to sending a 9-year-old out into the world alone. (If something did happen to the child, what would be the first question people would ask? It would be "What was that mother thinking?") This is a mom who has real concerns. Maybe your child who did an international flight at this age was a different kid, competent and capable. Maybe he was going to land in a country where they speak his language. Maybe he was going to be picked up by a person whose judgment you trust. I wouldn't suggest this mom go against her instincts.
I think he is old enough to do this and be with his grandma,,the attendants look after children very well on flights , one of mine did an international flight around this age ...personally I think you are being over protective. will you feel any differently when he is 12 years old ?
Oh, thank you so much, Annie and Sandman. I will definitely put my foot down and decline. After all, I have made huge efforts over the years so she could see her grandson - but the "borderline creepiness" has just undermined my good will.
Many years ago I had an intense dream of looking for my son in a European mall. He was simply gone and nobody cared. I sure don`t want that to happen. I will offer my mother to visit again next year, simple as that.
My parents let me travel to London UK on my own at age 14. While it sure has made me independent, I do remember being followed around and talked to by strangers in the streets with all kinds of offers I could barely classify with my meager knowledge of English. That was 36 years ago. Imagine now.
Many years ago I had an intense dream of looking for my son in a European mall. He was simply gone and nobody cared. I sure don`t want that to happen. I will offer my mother to visit again next year, simple as that.
My parents let me travel to London UK on my own at age 14. While it sure has made me independent, I do remember being followed around and talked to by strangers in the streets with all kinds of offers I could barely classify with my meager knowledge of English. That was 36 years ago. Imagine now.
No. Too young. If he was 14 or 15, maybe...if he was one of those amazingly responsible and together kids. If 16, probably, if 17 or 18, OK. But 10? Or not even quite 10? Forget about it!
If you can locate an adult to go with him, fine. It doesn't have to be you, just someone sensible who cares about your son. But even then, that is a lot of responsibility to put on them. They will, in essence, be the point person for emergencies involving both your son and your mother, in a foreign country.
For the same reason, it's impossible if she would want to "pass my son around among her friends and acquaintances." What if one of them is inept, ill or has terrible judgment? And him a little boy lost in Europe not knowing what to do in an emergency?
I think your mother is being preposterous, and you should tell her in no uncertain terms that she should stop going around you and trying to persuade him. The whole thing is borderline creepy, at the least it is very ill-considered.
If you can locate an adult to go with him, fine. It doesn't have to be you, just someone sensible who cares about your son. But even then, that is a lot of responsibility to put on them. They will, in essence, be the point person for emergencies involving both your son and your mother, in a foreign country.
For the same reason, it's impossible if she would want to "pass my son around among her friends and acquaintances." What if one of them is inept, ill or has terrible judgment? And him a little boy lost in Europe not knowing what to do in an emergency?
I think your mother is being preposterous, and you should tell her in no uncertain terms that she should stop going around you and trying to persuade him. The whole thing is borderline creepy, at the least it is very ill-considered.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I have traveled in Europe (France) with my family and my son was about the same age. He doesn't remember a lot but was probably a pretty good experience. But for what you are describing - I would say absolutely no way. Way to many things could go wrong and its way too long.
Either your mom comes here or she accepts you along with him. He is too young - and will be for several more years to make that kind of a trip.
Either your mom comes here or she accepts you along with him. He is too young - and will be for several more years to make that kind of a trip.
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