Tying to figure out what to do, move or stay??

[benjimom]

I know my son is more difficult than most, he is six with sensory processing d/o and is currently in therapy (OT) and it is Helping some.  Anyway, I'm divorced from his dad, dad just got out of jail after six months and is drinking AGAIN, so therefore he is of no help.   I live far away from my family (about 1400 miles) and wonder sometimes if it would be better for me to be closer to them.  They all work and I know babysitting help would be limited and I can't depend on them full time for babysitting, but it would be nice to have someone as an absolute backup in case things went wrong ie a sitter quit or I got sick.  you just never know.  

So basically everything falls on me and I get no breaks and My son is not the easiest child.  Sometimes I wake up so tired from work and don't really feel like going on.  It passes, but it's so hard. I'm so TIRED all the time.  I just worry about doing htis years and years, what will this do to me?  

I keep thinking maybe it would be better to move near them, though I'm not sure how much help they woudl give, would it be better for my son to know his grandparents and to see them on holidays, etc??  It's expensive for me to travel back and forth and with all the babysitting fees, etc, I don't have a lot of extra cash to be putting into traveling, etc.  

I work full time as well.  It's just really hard.  IF you have any advice let me know or if you have been in situations like this let me know.  I don't know if it would be better for my son to stay here or go.  I want what is best for him.

Thanks again...

[AnnieBrooke]

They'll probably be glad you are rid of Mister Drinks-Too-Much and will be happy to welcome you home without that baggage.

[benjimom]

Thanks, AnnieBrooke for yoru advice.  Yes, or getting together with family might be good and seeing them more often than on a rushed visit.  I honestly do try my best.  NO, the relationships aren't toxic, thank goodness!

[AnnieBrooke]

I think I would consider it.  Even if your family didn't all leap in and provide help, there are other benefits to being close to the family.  Unless, of course, the relationships are toxic.

Do explain to them about sensory processing disorder (give them something to read so you don't look like you're just making something up) so they don't get to feeling like your son is just being willful or poorly managed by you.

The reason I think you might move back is that it sounds like you could use the support for yourself that being around family makes.  Not babysitting or anything like that, but just someone to call on the phone every now and then who is not long-distance.

[benjimom]

I guess I shouldn't expect babysitting from them and I woudl not most of the time.  Just in an emergency or something like that.  Or here and there.  I don't usually use babysitters much if I am not working.  It would be nice to be there for family events and to see cousins, etc and for me to see my siblings.  I don't get to go back much b/c of the cost also business of work/school, etc.  

[RockRose]

How are your parents?  Are they very loving,  nurturing,  and would they be a very positive influence on him?  

I think you need to look at this from a bigger picture than babysitting help.  Some families are very warm and loving and your son would have a great support structure of a loving extended family with them,  some families are snipy and petty and he would be the focus of criticism from grandparents,  aunts and uncles,  and not welcomed by cousins.

I think you have to look at it that way.  Would he have a wonderful built - in group of loving adults and children if you moved back?