Very Troublesome 6 year old cousin

[missleo8]

My 6 year old cousin lives with us at my grandmas house. There are 5 adult family members and him living in this house, and nobody seems to care about his wellbeing. My grandma originally volunteered to take care of him but she is busy farming. In the past, I turned a blind eye and viewed this as a temporary issue because once the weather got cold my grandma would no longer be able to farm and could give my cousin the attention he needs. But she decided she wants to visit thailand in january so she is working extra to afford that. So now I am involuntarily responsible of taking care of him because I do online school and work part time. I normally love kids and am very good with them, but my cousin is something else. His parents aren’t around so I do have sympathy towards the situation, but he is EXTREMELY manipulative (I can go into more detail but I want to keep this short), has way too much energy (think typical adhd symptoms), and a violent streak. I began noticing alarming signs last winter when I first moved into my grandma’s house and we were babysitting him a lot, but now he lives with us and everyone in the house finds him impossible to deal with. I tried speaking to my family about it last year when we were all together but I was written off and my uncles scolded me for being unsympathetic because he’s a child and I’m the adult. Ironically a year later (bringing us to the present), my dad has expressed his deep concern for my cousin’s future if his behavior doesn’t change. The newest issues are that he spends all his time out of school alone in the basement watching inappropriate gaming videos on youtube and his diet only consists of nutella sandwiches. I think this is happening because the adults in the house are not a united front. If my cousin does not get something from me, he can go to the next person in the house and get it from them simply because they do not want to deal with him. When I first began noticing this problem last winter, I was more angry with my cousin and dealt with him more negatively. Now, I have more sympathy for the situation because he is a child without either of his parents in his life and in serious need of some love and a personality turnaround, but I don’t know how to approach it and at this point everyone in the house is fed up with him. Do you have any disciplinary or behavioral tips to start out with? Because basically this child has none so far. I live with a bunch of men so nobody cooks. I’m thinking I’ll start cooking if my dad will buy groceries because I seem to have the most time on my hands. Will bedtime stories work? Only one hour of tv? And then forcing him to find other hobbies? Parental controls on tv?  I think this is a situation that needs the help of everyone in the house. If I set up rules, I don’t want them to be disobeyed by the other adults who fall under his child influence.

[378blt]

I am curious on your age? Six year olds can be a handful without behavioral problems lol. You sound like you are a very caring person to take on the things that others have looked past. I appreciate you looking out for the little guy, at the same time wondering if you are still in school yourself and hope you have the support you need also?

[Pjohnson72]

Children thrive on structure, this 6 year old is like all others. He needs just that. He need love, support, a routine and yes cook for him. He needs you and those around him to be united in his raising and to know that you are all looking out for him and his best interest. Start his day the same every day and end it the same every night, and fill it with love and support in between. Be firm and consistent with discipline, encouraging good behavior and letting him know what is not acceptable. A six year old can do chores to earn certain privileges and when he misbehaves those privileges can be taken away. Consistency is key though. With my husband we have raised three good productive citizens, it took a lot of work and a united front. You have your work cut out for you. I wish you the best of luck, a child is a big responsibility. Remember it is more than his life in your hands, what you raise him to be will effect society as a whole. You have no idea how who he will be when he grows up.    

[Pjohnson72]

Children thrive on structure, this 6 year old is like all others. He needs just that. He need love, support, a routine and yes cook for him. He needs you and those around him to be united in his raising and to know that you are all looking out for him and his best interest. Start his day the same every day and end it the same every night, and fill it with love and support in between. Be firm and consistent with discipline, encouraging good behavior and letting him know what is not acceptable. A six year old can do chores to earn certain privileges and when he misbehaves those privileges can be taken away. Consistency is key though. With my husband we have raised three good productive citizens, it took a lot of work and a united front. You have your work cut out for you. I wish you the best of luck, a child is a big responsibility. Remember it is more than his life in your hands, what you raise him to be will effect society as a whole. You have no idea how who he will be when he grows up.    

[marmara1]

He is not the problem the problem is the family who he;s living with!! A 6 year old raised on nutella sanwiches and youtube how could you ever expect him to be loving and caring and normal when isnt surrounded by any of these things. Children learn by watching others behaviour. If you want him to see good behaviour from him then shower him with love and hugs and care and support.  Give him structure follow a schedule he obviously isn't feeling safe nor loved.  Please if no other adult in the house is noticing this then its up to you to step up and turn him around while he's still young.  Shower him with positive words and try to reduce the bad behaviour not by punishment but by ignoring the bad and encouraging the good.

[Angielinn]

First of all cook for him, he shouldn't be a burden, children sense and understand way more than what they seem. He needs love and care, hugs but also soft punishing when he's wrong. Ofc no hitting or harsh screaming more like no video gaming if he's bad and stuff, spend more time with him, play with him. Do drawing sessions take him out regulary make him meet people. Make sure to also to lighten his good behavior. treat him like a normal child first before saying he's no normal...

[Sandman2]

Wow, a really long post.  I can really see that you care and are concerned.  One question first.  He is 6, so he is in either K or first grade.  What do the teachers think about him?  This is important because if he has problems at both home and school it is one thing (an a bit more difficult to deal with), if the problems are only at home - it will be easier.