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Out of control 4 yr old- Mother and dad do not do anything
Hello- New topic for me- My neighbors have a 4 yr old boy whom I babysit and see while visiting (I'm friends w/ the mom) The little boy is very smart, but yet, his behavior is unbelievable. He is in total control of his mother, and what I have seemed to noticed, he does not like his mom to pay attention to anyone else but him. If we are talking in the kitchen, he has to be right there in the middle of us, while there are other kids, the dad in the living room... While I ask him to let his mommy have adult time, he will start screaming and crying at the top of his lungs, he will throw things, use the F word. He will get so upset, he will litterally fall to the ground like a 2 yr old having a temper tantrum. He always wants to do what the adults are doing (I know kids are curious) but, it gets to the point where he hurts himself. His mom was cooking and he wanted to "Flip the eggs" like mom. Mom kept telling him to get away from the stove because the stove is hot, and he could get hurt. He looked right at her then stuck his hand right on the tip of the pan. He will not listen, EVER- When I babysit, I set rules. Example, when we were outside, I said he couldn't leave the yard. He looked at me and ran right down the side walk. When I went to get him, he tells me he fin hates me, then the temper tantrum comes. The mom also has a 2 yr old who does the same. She actually had a nervous breakdown and spent 5 days on the psych floor. The father is never home, but the mother never ever grounds, gives him time out. There is NO winning, reasoning w/ this child. You can be nice as nice, give him the 3 second count, and he will not listen. I stopped babysitting, but when I still visit- its total caos. Stopped visiting, but when I call, we cant talk cause the kids are screaming so loud we can't hear each other. I tried to give the mom advice, but she doesn't listen and just gives him his way, no matter what. When they were leaving the other day, she stopped real quick, I was standing outside her car while she was asking me something, and the 4 yr old kept screaming, "MOMMY! GO! I WANT TO GO!" And because she was talking real quick, he took his chocolate milk and just DROPPED it to splatter everywhere... (Which she wouldn't let him have, but he won) Is this normal? My daughter didn't act like this, all kids are different, though. Is it the parents? What would be the best advice to give her w/ out offending her parenting skills... I'm telling ya, this would be the biggest show for the Nanny- I have never, ever seen a four year old act like this... EVER- Thank you.
He and his sibling sound like a spoiled brats. Some parents have no sense about how to raise children. In any case, it is not your problem.
OHHH here is my counting tip. I used to start at one. Well, now I start at 3 and go backwards. I never get to one and something about that backwards countdown gets my boys hopping!
Pheeew!!! Seems like my little boy all right. Children that have too much power in their family, inconsistent discipline and inexistent limits turn out that way. Mine sometimes can really get up your nerves. It is quite hard to deal with kids like this, but believe me they suffer more than anyone. I understand the poor mother, sometimes she just obeys in order toi avoid a fight, a tantrum or anything. Of course it´s not OK, but sometimes you get inside a vicious circle and you don´t even notice your errors. When you´re in charge let the child know that there are rules, if he disobeys he gets a consequence.
What works with my boy is saying an order, repeating it (only twice) and counting to three. If by three he hasn´t obeyed he gets a consequence. E.G. I f you keep playing and don´t come down for dinner I´ll have that toy removed. Most of the time it works. Sometimes calling them for their full name also has an impact after repeating orders.
When given a chance do tell the mother.Or reccommend a book that´s called BEYOND TIME OUT.
What works with my boy is saying an order, repeating it (only twice) and counting to three. If by three he hasn´t obeyed he gets a consequence. E.G. I f you keep playing and don´t come down for dinner I´ll have that toy removed. Most of the time it works. Sometimes calling them for their full name also has an impact after repeating orders.
When given a chance do tell the mother.Or reccommend a book that´s called BEYOND TIME OUT.
Wait, I want to take some of that last post back.
Since he's only 4, this could work out okay.
I HAVE known many 4 year olds who very jealously guard their mother's attention and make themselves obnoxious in group settings who turned out just fine.
If this ends and he is able to curtail it in the next couple years, I think this will be fine.
I have been in preschool playgroups with several boys who just couldn't allow their mothers to do anything except pay attention to them all the time, and now they're fine.
Since he's only 4, this could work out okay.
I HAVE known many 4 year olds who very jealously guard their mother's attention and make themselves obnoxious in group settings who turned out just fine.
If this ends and he is able to curtail it in the next couple years, I think this will be fine.
I have been in preschool playgroups with several boys who just couldn't allow their mothers to do anything except pay attention to them all the time, and now they're fine.
I agree it's not normal.
The thing is, most children when given complete free rein with no discipline and structure do things like dress oddly, stay up too late, watch too much TV, wander around the neighborhood with no shoes or jacket in chilly weather, don't brush their teeth, etc.
It's unusual for a child to make himself such a nuisance, and even burn himself to spite his mother's gentle guidance. These behaviors are not a result of lack of discipline and structure.
One more year and this child will be in the school system - and he may do miraculously well (some kids who are hellions at home do fine at school) or it will finally be brought to her attention that her son's behavior is completely unacceptable.
I will offer that one of my best friends had 3 kids and the two older boys were unbearable, within the spectrum that you describe. One has turned out well and the other so far has not. The one that was the worst is the one that has done the best in young (college) adulthood.
Prayers for her. I think unless she asks for help it's hard to tell someone their kids are unbearable brats, and offer support. If she doesn't ask . . .
The thing is, most children when given complete free rein with no discipline and structure do things like dress oddly, stay up too late, watch too much TV, wander around the neighborhood with no shoes or jacket in chilly weather, don't brush their teeth, etc.
It's unusual for a child to make himself such a nuisance, and even burn himself to spite his mother's gentle guidance. These behaviors are not a result of lack of discipline and structure.
One more year and this child will be in the school system - and he may do miraculously well (some kids who are hellions at home do fine at school) or it will finally be brought to her attention that her son's behavior is completely unacceptable.
I will offer that one of my best friends had 3 kids and the two older boys were unbearable, within the spectrum that you describe. One has turned out well and the other so far has not. The one that was the worst is the one that has done the best in young (college) adulthood.
Prayers for her. I think unless she asks for help it's hard to tell someone their kids are unbearable brats, and offer support. If she doesn't ask . . .
i agree w special mom the only thing u can control is how he acts when he is with u and my son acts the same way so i really dont know what to do maybe try to bring it up to her if she is like me she so badly needs someone to offer some advice
Well, it is not normal. But what can ya do? She's the mother and makes the decisions. Many people become really defensive if you try to "help" them with their parenting. I'd wait until something happens and the subject has already comes up and she seems ready for some advice-------- otherwise, she'll probably take it badly and it will be very awkward between you two.
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